Child's Play
by Mollyjordan2002
Summary: Chakotay finds himself with Tom under the strangest circumstances....
1. Default Chapter

Kathryn watched as he shrunk, and shrunk, and shrunk, and.  
  
Blonde hair disappearing, deft hands clenching, grin getting smaller.  
  
Blue eyes a thin veil over the scared depths.  
  
Oh sure, Tom knew what was going on. He knew the culture and tradition of this place before they landed. She made sure Tom Paris knew every little detail, she even considered an exam, before she let him within light years of the planet. But that hadn't been enough. What WOULD have been enough?  
  
It was like Chakotay always said: if trouble and Tom Paris were within range of each other, they would form an alliance. There was nothing anybody could possibly do.  
  
She felt an urge to laugh. Was this funny? From a Captain's point of view- no. From Tom's- definitely not, although he had tried to make a joke about it, but what was new? From her point of view? Hmm.  
  
Tom Paris. Convicted of a juvenile crime (surprise, surprise). 'For an adult committing a juvenile offence there's only one punishment!' The Prime had cried.  
  
Paris was to be reverted back to the status of a newborn, completely oblivious to the world around him. He would grow at the rate of a year a week, regaining his own memories for the next year at the end of every week. Of course each week would feel like a year to Tom. This would carry on happening every week until Tom reached his original age.  
  
A wicked grin. Kathryn thought it was funny, to hell with Janeway. Maybe she should adopt the policy. Of course Janeway would object. But, then, Janeway objected to nearly everything Kathryn wanted to do. Stupid split personality. Hey, wasn't that some sort of disorder? She shrugged. There was one thing she and Janeway both agreed on: no time for sickbay.  
  
She was handed Tom. A small blue eyed bundle. He was now a tiny child wrapped up in a purple blanket. She held him fondly, looking down at Tom being quiet and watching her intently. Seriously, was this Paris being good?! They had switched the baby. Neat trick.  
  
But those unmistakable eyes, with mischief in their depths. Oh Gods, a juvenile Tom Paris running around her ship? There weren't protocols against throwing a child in the brig, right? If there were she'd damn well erase them from her book.  
  
She let her finger stroke Tom's cheek gently, her love of children taking over. Tom's eyes lit up, a smile crossed his face and he gurgled happily. That sunny smile was definitely Tom's but his memory had clearly been wiped; Tom was no longer moping in his unfamiliar black mood. Tom swatted at her hands playfully and his smile grew even more- a perfect replicate of the older Tom's sunny grin- and Janeway was caught up in a scary déjà vu.  
  
She breathed, and allowed Janeway to apologize sweetly to the Prime and get them transported back to Voyager's sick bay.  
  
***  
  
For all I knew, he could be dead.  
  
That was actually quite likely.  
  
Baby Tom Paris living in Sick bay with the Doctor? Does the Doctor have homicidal subroutines?  
  
I hadn't seen Paris since he was brought back aboard Voyager, before that I'd visited him on the planet, claustrophobic in that cell. Kathryn cursing at him much more than a Captain really should as she rehearsed her sincere profuse apology to the Prime. Gods I love being right.  
  
Did I NOT tell her?  
  
"Captain, Paris WILL cause trouble. You know they have a very strict society. Paris can't keep out of trouble in the most easygoing of places."  
  
"I can't deny him shore leave because he MIGHT cause trouble. If would be a different story if you had any basis for your request."  
  
"How does a psyche evaluation from his Commanding officer sound?"  
  
"Biased."  
  
"Captain."  
  
"Chakotay, I'll take responsibility for disciplining him if he screws up okay?"  
  
I didn't think it was a very effective way of punishing him either, at first. I didn't understand how reverting Tom back to the physical form of his mental age would reprimand him for his actions. I also thought it was tough on the crew too. Not only on the Doctor having to look after him, but virtually the whole of deck five was deserted for the first three weeks because of the screaming coming from Sick bay. Apparently Tom had been a very vocal child.  
  
Things settled down when Tom reached three, almost four, years old. According to various crewmembers and Kathryn (who'd become almost clinically obsessed with visiting Tom), the toddler had mastered crawling and was now wobbling around on his feet, driving the Doctor crazy. I guess I did kind of have some sympathy for the young Tom, growing up in a Sick bay could NOT be much fun. But it WAS incredibly nice not having the endless complaints about the Lieutenant's behavior. Endless reports, endless talks with Tom, endless talks with the Captain about Tom, endless organizing brig supervision, yep it was usually endless. And now I had some free time. Precious, rare, free time!  
  
Let's see.  
  
Dinner in the Mess Hall, maybe a drink in Sandrine's, then home, early night, meditating, reading. Yes. Real reading. Not reports, not crew evaluations, a novel. Perfect.  
  
Ow!  
  
I immediately stopped and glanced down to see what alien species had crashed into my leg, or what disease had been bestowed upon me threatening paralysis. Well, there was no alien and I could still feel both my legs.  
  
I saw a dazed blonde-headed three-year-old sitting on the floor at my feet. I watched the toddler look up and was immediately hit by those intense, mischievous, inquisitive blue eyes. No doubt, it was Paris. The spiky hair was tousled and Tom was breathing heavily, obviously been running before he crashed into me. I looked down at the small Paris, "Where are you off to in such a hurry?"  
  
***  
  
Tom looked up at the giant, his brain processing the question. So many words, spoken so fast, but he could cope. He found an answer, sure it was dressed in his usual frustrated half-sentence, components missing style, but it was an answer, "Wanna see stars." He said in a high-pitched voice Chakotay was unused to hearing. Most physical things were actually different about Tom. The sparkle in Tom's eyes was different; still as bright and mischievous, but without the angst ridden dull spot.  
  
Tom watched the giant crouch down to bring them both eye-to-eye, "I'm sure the Doctor didn't let you out on your own did he?"  
  
Damn it. Tom was sure he looked like one of the giants. He'd managed to run past quite a few of them without being noticed. But this one had caught him out. He shook his head slowly in response.  
  
Chakotay looked at Tom, the kid was so curious. His eyes continually darted around, stirring at the slightest noise or movement. Spirits, he'd been looking forward to that book. "How about I take you back to sick bay."  
  
Tom immediately shook his head violently, "No."  
  
"Let me finish." Chakotay warned softly, and Tom stopped his head shaking and focused on the giant, "How about I take you back to Sick bay to make sure the Doctor knows you're alright, then I'll take you to see the stars. That okay?"  
  
Tom looked at Chakotay, slowly processing. He thought he understood, but he needed to make sure, "See Doc, then stars?"  
  
"That's right. Come on."  
  
Tom allowed himself to be scooped up into the giant's arms and grinned- all he'd needed was height to make him look like one of the giants. 


	2. Child's Play (parts 2 and 3)

"I believe you're looking for this little guy." Chakotay said strolling into sickbay. He held Tom in one arm so the kid could see in front of them.  
  
  
  
Tom was half-sitting in the cradled embrace and he had his torso turned in the same direction as the giant, blending in as much as possible. Tom saw the Doctor walking up to him, arms stretched out wide to get him. Oh no. He took his hand off his giant friend's shoulder and wrapped both arms tightly around his neck, keeping his eyes forward.  
  
Chakotay felt Tom tighten his grip and sidestepped the Doctor, "I was thinking of taking Tom to the observation room. He wants to see the stars, is that okay?"  
  
The Doctor rolled his eyes and turned back to his office, "Him and his stars." He sighed exasperatedly.  
  
Chakotay felt Tom's grip lessen and the child went back to looking fully forward. He followed the Doctor into his office and queried, "What do you mean?"  
  
"He turned four years old last night. Gets a year older at midnight every seven days. He must have identified the stars for the first time when he was four, now he won't stop asking to go and find them. I've tried to explain to him that we won't find the constellations he saw from earth out here, but he doesn't listen."  
  
Or understand.  
  
Chakotay sighed, "Can I take him?"  
  
"Please do, I could use some peace and quiet."  
  
That was all the answer Chakotay needed and he turned tail, heading for the exit and strolling down the corridors towards the observation lounges. Halfway there Tom turned to look at him and asked, "What's your name?"  
  
"I'm Chakotay."  
  
"Kotay?" Tom nodded, "Do you have a, um, a-a rank" he smiled proudly, "like Captain Janey?"  
  
Chakotay laughed, "I'm a Commander." He paused at the Tom's obvious frustration, "Commander Chakotay." He clarified.  
  
"Oh." Tom stored that information, "I'm Tom."  
  
Chakotay smiled, "I've heard." He walked into the observation lounge and put Tom down. The place was deserted and he watched Tom look around. Tom smiled, his eyes widened and he ran up to the huge window in the center of the room, pressing his hands and nose up against the window. The ship was traveling at impulse, slowly navigating a few planets in close proximity and then an asteroid field, and the stars passed slowly by.  
  
Tom turned back to Chakotay, confused, "Stars don't move." He stated.  
  
Chakotay walked over and sat down on one of the couches behind Tom, "You're on a starship. We're traveling in space, past the stars. Do you understand?"  
  
Chakotay watched Tom turn back to look outside, obviously thinking hard. A small frown was etched across the four-year-old's brow as he turned back to Chakotay, "So the stars aren't moving. Just me?"  
  
"That's it." Chakotay smiled. This child was so like Tom, and yet totally different. As Chakotay watched him gazing out at the stars he realized Tom must have always has his fascination with space and flying. His eyes were telltale, as always, and he was talkative. But this younger Tom had something different from his older counterpart; he was almost innocent. Innocent to the world around him, innocent in the way he interpreted things, innocent in the questions he asked. His eyes sparkled at everything new he saw or learned. It was little Tom versus the big universe, and Tom was loving it.  
  
Tom walked over to Chakotay and let the man help him up onto the giant's couch. Why was everything so big? He even had to be lifted onto his own bed in Sickbay. Tom cocked his head and looked across at the older giant, "Kotay?"  
  
"Yes, Tom."  
  
"Where's my mommy and daddy?"  
  
Chakotay sighed. Tell him the truth? Soften it out a little? No, the kid deserved the full story. He'd know properly in a few months anyway. "Tom, we're far away from your mom and dad. Things are a little different out here. I'm afraid you may not see them for a while."  
  
Tom looked down sadly, "Okay." He couldn't even remember the last time he was with his parents. "I don't really know them anyways." So what about this Kotay giant? He looked up, frowning, "So.are you my daddy now?"  
  
"No." Chakotay said firmly. But he looked down at the child sat across from him. That wasn't the Tom Paris he knew. That was one lonely, confused boy who bore only the good parts of the Lieutenant. And the child was looking up at him with such puzzlement, hope and anxiety that Chakotay couldn't help but melt, "I could be your friend though."  
  
"My bestest friend?" Tom asked softly.  
  
Chakotay laughed gently. He'd forgotten how much he loved children. He'd almost forgotten playing with his two nephews back home. He was surprised that even Tom Paris could be such an innocent child. He looked back towards the small Tom, "Okay, I guess I can be your best friend." He corrected softly.  
  
Tom looked at his new bestest friend and then clambered over him, settling in Chakotay's arms, eyes focused on the stars. Chakotay held Tom for a while; he could almost feel the small child thinking. For such a little person, he sure did a lot of thinking, but he seemed pretty smart from it.  
  
After a while Chakotay glanced down at Tom, he was chewing gently on his thumb, while the other hand clutched a small ball out of Chakotay's tunic. His eyes had dulled slightly and he was leaning his head against Chakotay's chest. Every now and again Tom would close his eyes and snuggle down into Chakotay's arms. Chakotay tilted Tom's face towards him gently "Tom, are you tired?"  
  
Tom nodded a few times. It had been a long day. His first day as a four year old had been spent practicing walking, bugging Doc, escaping and watching the stars with his bestest friend.  
  
"Let's get you back to sick bay then." Chakotay tried to pick Tom up, but the boy slid off his lap and stood up in front of Chakotay.  
  
"I don't wanna go, Kotay. Don't like it there."  
  
Chakotay leant forward, "Why not?"  
  
"Nothing to play with. Nothing to do." Tom said attempting to pout, but sleepily spoiling the effect with a yawn.  
  
"I know it's boring, but you're going to have to sleep sometime." Chakotay stood and picked Tom up. Despite the boy's protests, Chakotay's could feel Tom's head lolling sleepily onto his shoulder.  
  
Chakotay brought Tom into Sick bay, the toddler already gently drifting between sleep and awake. He turned to the Doctor and whispered softly, "Where does he sleep?"  
  
The Doctor nodded over to a biobed that was covered in a gray blanket, and Chakotay lay Tom down on it. He covered him up with the fleecy blanket and made sure he was totally tucked in. He sighed to himself, there was no way he'd do this for the older Paris, maybe it was just the fact that little Tom didn't have a clue about the tension between them. It would be unfair to dismiss a toddler for something he hadn't even done, yet. Oh well, Chakotay had done his duty for Paris, NOW he could enjoy his precious three days off.  
  
"Kotay?" Came Tom's sleepy voice.  
  
"Yes Tom?" Chakotay said bending down so he could hear the toddler.  
  
"Come play tomorrow?" he asked softly.  
  
Chakotay frowned, he wasn't planning on entertaining Tom during his leave. One day wouldn't hurt. Two days leave was still good. Besides, he reminded himself, it just might be fun, "Okay Tom, I'll come by tomorrow. Goodnight."  
  
Tom smiled in his sleep and rolled onto his side, eyes still closed, "Night sleep tight 'Kotay."  
  
Chakotay laughed, this was definitely strange. He and Paris were actually friends, but under the weirdest circumstances. Chakotay wondered if they'd still be friends when Tom remembered he hated him. Chakotay shrugged, he'd coped with mutual hatred before, and he could do it again. Except maybe it wouldn't be mutual this time. But for now, he'd just consider Tom his youngest, strangest friend.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Kotay!"  
  
I watched Tom leap off the bio bed and run over to me. He ducked behind my legs, putting me between himself and the exasperated Doctor. I looked down at Tom, and then back at the Doctor, "What are you two up to?"  
  
The Doctor sighed at me, "Mr. Paris needs his inoculations, but he won't hold still long enough for me to administer the drugs."  
  
I was later than I'd planned to be, it was 1700 already. I'd been caught up with a sudden burst of reports from engineering, they'd had a minor problem with the warp core and it had caused endless extra work: over time, parts taken, parts needing to be replaced, safety precautions taken, measures needed to prevent future occurrences, and so on for what seemed like an eternity. Reports aren't supposed to flood in off duty, but I AM the first officer. I'd only torn myself away from the work because I promised Tom I'd spend some time with him. But I still had a hell of a lot of work to finish.  
  
I picked Tom up, hearing him whisper softly, "He keeps calling me Mr. Paris, Kotay. He's weird."  
  
I smiled and carried Tom over to the bio-bed, dealing with him the way I'd been dealt with when I'd shied away from the hypos as a kid, "Tom? Do you like being ill?" I asked feeling more and more like my father.  
  
Tom frowned and shook his head, "No."  
  
"Well if you don't let the Doctor do this, you could get very ill." I said softly. Tom's eyes slid worriedly towards the hypo-spray, obviously still thinking that getting ill was better than having something foreign stuck in your arm. I took hold of Tom's small hand and squeezed it gently, "I promise it won't hurt."  
  
"Promise?" he said hesitantly.  
  
"Yes."  
  
I watched Tom thinking, he looked up, "Kay. He can do it."  
  
I motioned the Doctor over and sat down next to Tom, sliding my arm around him. The Doctor rolled his eyes, clearly wondering what all the fuss was about, lifted Tom's t-shirt and injected the hypo spray contents into Tom's arm, "Done." He said simply and walked off.  
  
I tugged down Tom's shirtsleeve and looked at him, "You had anything for dinner yet?"  
  
"Nope." Tom said twisting to look at his arm, trying to see if there was a puncture mark. He raised an eyebrow when he didn't see one. "It really didn't hurt Kotay." He breathed in amazement.  
  
"Told you so." I smiled gently at him "Hungry?"  
  
"Yep."  
  
"Come on then." I lifted Tom off the bed and set him down on the floor, then headed out of Sick bay with Tom on my heels.  
  
***  
  
Tom caught up with his friend, who's pace seemed to be faster than his own. He pulled a face and looked up as he walked down the corridors, "'Kotay? We're not gonna eat Neelix's food are we?"  
  
Chakotay laughed. Even Tom and his desire to try new things disliked the Talaxian's offerings. But, then again, he always had, would, spirits he would NEVER know which bits of Tom belonged to which time periods. "No we're not. We're going to a place called Sandrine's, I think you might like it."  
  
Tom seemed satisfied with this and walked in relative silence. Chakotay wondered if taking him to Sandrine's was okay. It wasn't exactly made, ironically by Tom, as a child's place. He decided it would be okay if he kept Tom away from the alcohol, and maybe deleted the gigolos.  
  
Chakotay entered the bar with Tom on his heels. Tom looked around and Chakotay half-expected him to shy away from the loud music and the liveliness of the place. But instead Tom's face lit up and Chakotay wondered why he'd ever doubted that Tom wouldn't like Sandrine's anymore.  
  
Tom spotted another one of his friends, took Chakotay's hand and led him through the, what was it? Simon's, Sandy's, he couldn't remember. He took Chakotay through the place and found Harry. "Haz!"  
  
Four-year-old Tom still acted with all the confidence of his older self as he greeted Harry with a high five and turned to Chakotay. "Haz, this is Kotay. Kotay, this is Haz. " He beamed, knowing that the Doc's social behavior classes would come in handy somewhere.  
  
Chakotay grinned and held his hand out, "Pleased to meet you Haz." He laughed.  
  
Harry matched his smile and shook his hand, "You too Kotay."  
  
Tom frowned up at Harry who was holding some sort of stick thing in his hand. Had Harry been climbing trees? Tom couldn't see any around here. "What's the stick for?" he asked curiously.  
  
"I'm playing pool." Harry answered.  
  
"How?"  
  
Chakotay noticed Tom couldn't see over the top of the pool table, he hoisted him up and sat him on the edge of the table, "You've got to get those balls," he pointed "into those holes."  
  
Tom frowned looking from the balls to the holes. So, why would you need a stick for that? He shrugged; he could beat Harry at that. He reached over, picked up one of the balls and deposited it in a nearby hole. "I win." He announced.  
  
Harry laughed, "You've got to use the cue to get them in though." He demonstrated potting a ball into the pocket next to Tom.  
  
Well that was just stupid. It was a lot easier to pick the balls up. Tom sighed, he was never going to play this game like Harry, his way was a whole lot simpler. He demonstrated his way again by dropping another ball, a black one, into the hole. "Easier my way Haz."  
  
Harry laughed again and Chakotay turned to Tom, "Want something to eat?"  
  
Tom nodded, "Fries."  
  
"Just fries?" Tom nodded again at his bestest friend and Chakotay sighed, "How nutritious." He said sarcastically. "Okay stay there." He drifted off towards a replicator, which was disguised as a cocktail bar.  
  
Tom swung his legs over the edge of the pool table and jumped down. He saw someone walking past with a drink in their hand and realized that he was thirsty too. He tracked his way through the crowds to find the place where people seemed to be getting their drinks from. He peered up at it. Hmm.another thing that was too big. He felt two hands underneath his shoulders, lifting him up onto one of the stools. He turned around to see Chakotay looking at him.  
  
"What do you think you're doing? I thought I told you to stay where you were?"  
  
"I'm still in the room, I just got thirsty." Tom shrugged, "People were coming from over here with drinks."  
  
Chakotay sighed, looks like Tom had always had the disobedient streak. Sandrine hovered over to him, and looked down over the bar to Tom. She smiled, "And who are you?" she cooed.  
  
"I'm Tom." He grinned, lapping up the attention. "Who are you?"  
  
"Sandrine." She smiled and turned to Chakotay, "He yours?"  
  
"Oh, no. He's just a friend."  
  
Sandrine nodded curiously and looked back towards Tom, "What do you want sweetie?"  
  
"Lemonade?" Tom asked swinging his legs on the stool, watching the other patrons intently, exchanging 'hi' with a few.  
  
"Okay." Sandrine began to make it, "Usual, Chakotay?" he nodded, and she brought a pint glass over. "Speaking of Toms, I haven't seen Tom Paris in a while. Any idea where he's got to?"  
  
"Oh, I'm sure he's somewhere around." Chakotay said, glad Tom hadn't heard.  
  
  
  
Sandrine nodded and pushed the drinks over to Chakotay, who helped Tom down and took the glasses. Chakotay directed Tom over to a table, already laden with a bowl of fries. Tom hopped up onto the chair and began to consume his food.  
  
***  
  
"Care to dance?" Chakotay glanced up and saw B'Elanna grinning down at him. He looked around; almost the whole of Sandrine's was dancing to the upbeat music of the live band.  
  
He looked across to Tom, "Will you be okay on your own for a while?" Tom nodded, and Chakotay looked him in the eyes, "Stay. Here. Promise?"  
  
"Okay, Kotay." Tom said, promising.  
  
Tom watched 'Lana and Kotay laugh at him and get up to dance. He munched on a stray, cold fry and shifted in his seat, bored. He considered going and joining Haz and playing that ball game again, but Kotay had made him promise to stay in his seat. He hated promises.  
  
Kathryn made her way across Sandrine's, weaving through the dancing couples. She spotted Tom Paris sitting on his own at a table, sucking on his straw. Making her way over she saw the small boy spot her and brighten, "Captain Janey!"  
  
She drew up a seat opposite Tom, "Call me Kathryn, Tom." She paused, now noticing how unusual it was for a four-year-old to be drinking alone in a bar, even if it was non-alcoholic. "Are you here alone?" she asked, grinning at how stupid it sounded. And she hadn't even started drinking herself yet.  
  
Tom shook his head, "Kotay brought me." He nodded to where Chakotay and B'Elanna were laughing as they danced.  
  
Kathryn watched her first officer and her chief engineer moving to the Latino feeling music, then she turned her gaze back to Tom. He had one elbow on the table and was absentmindedly blowing bubbles into his soda, itching to get into the middle of the action. She grinned over at him, "Want to dance?"  
  
Tom looked up, "I don't know how."  
  
She stood up and took his hands, "I'll show you how."  
  
Tom slid off the seat and followed Kathryn out to the middle of the dance floor. He tried his hardest to follow Kathryn's feet, giggling as he tripped over them once or twice. He looked back to see Kathryn's face laughing back at him, "You're a natural." She smiled.  
  
Tom looked to his left to see Chakotay and B'Elanna smiling at him from where they were dancing next to him and Kathryn. Chakotay looked down at him, Tom's eyes sparkling, "Thought I told you to stay sat down." He said with a teasing smile.  
  
Kathryn looked over, "It's my fault, I couldn't resist him."  
  
Chakotay grinned and turned back to B'Elanna.  
  
***  
  
"Kathy? Is 'Lana Kotay's girlfriend?" Tom asked, looking up from where he had been concentrating on making sure his feet went in the right direction.  
  
  
  
"No. They're just good friends."  
  
"Why are they close together then?"  
  
"That's slow dancing Tom, they have to be close together."  
  
Tom pulled a face, "I'd never want to be that close to a girl. They're icky."  
  
"I'm a girl."  
  
"No you're not." Tom said, as if stating the obvious, "You're Kathy."  
  
Kathryn laughed softly, wondering what Tom would think of girls in another few months.  
  
***  
  
I shifted position, letting Tom lean into me. We'd decided to sit down, all unused to dancing for hours on end. Now we laughed and joked, chatting over drinks as the rest of Sandrine's had erupted into a huge mild nightclub.  
  
Harry joined us and said something that made Tom laugh, but Tom's giggle was spoilt by another one of his yawns making an appearance. I glanced at my watch and turned to the rest of the group, "It's getting late, I'd better get Tom back to sickbay. Come on Tom, let's go."  
  
Tom frowned and started to protest, but stopped when he realized he could barely sit up without my support. Tom pushed his hands against the seat cushion, gathering enough energy to sit unaided and to argue, "Do I HAVE to go back there Kotay?"  
  
I smiled at him and helped him up, "Afraid so. Go say goodnight to everyone."  
  
I immediately regretted my last sentence as Tom grinned mischievously and proceeded to literally bid goodnight to everyone in Sandrine's. I watched him circle the room, charming a free lemonade out of Sandrine and closely observing a poker game Harry was playing in- innocently announcing Harry's opponent's cards every now and again. He did manage to earn himself lots of replictor rations, though, in return for him not revealing various people's cards.  
  
Half an hour later Tom came sleepily back over to the table sucking on his straw, seemingly not realizing that the glass was empty. Poorly attempting to disguise his frequent yawns, he turned to Kathryn and B'Elanna, "Night Kathy, night 'Lana."  
  
"Night Tom." The two women chorused.  
  
I took the glass off Tom and walked him out of Sandrine's. 


	3. Child's Play (parts 4 and 5)

I walked down the corridors, holding the sleepy toddler in my arms. After a while Tom lifted his head form its perch on my shoulder and looked into my eyes, "'Kotay, I don't want to go back to sickbay. I don't like the Doc."  
  
I turned my head so I could see Tom's face, "Why don't you like the Doctor, Tom?"  
  
Tom shrugged limply, "He's moody, and he won't let me play. And he won't let me out of sickbay, it's boring with him Kotay. He wouldn't even let me Comm. you." Tom moaned softly.  
  
I put on my most sympathetic smile, "I'm sorry buddy. You'll just have to put up with him. I'll come around and see you as often as I can, and we'll go out loads too."  
  
As we rounded the corner and went through the sickbay doors I felt Tom tighten his grip and bury his face in my neck. I felt sorry for Tom. I could barely stand the Doctor for short amounts of time, never mind the amount of time Tom spent in his care. I sat Tom down on his bio-bed and watched as the Doc came over, huffing as usual, "I have to deactivate myself tonight, so I'll have to put Mr. Paris behind a force field. I don't want him running around sickbay, or causing havoc over the ship whilst I'm not here to play babysitter."  
  
I looked at Tom's fallen face; he knew what 'force field' meant. He began to shake slightly and his eyes showed actual fear. I motioned to the Doctor to follow me, and I headed out of Tom's earshot, "Why can't somebody else look after Tom, instead of him being locked up?"  
  
The Doctor looked up, annoyed, "You try and find a babysitter for a four year old with the personality of Tom Paris."  
  
I sighed, making up my mind, "How about I take Tom home with me tonight? He'd be better spending the night with me, where I can watch him, than behind a force field."  
  
The Doctor shrugged, seemingly not caring less, "If you think you can put up with him, take him." The Doctor said strolling off towards his office.  
  
I rolled my eyes and walked back over to Tom who was watching my movements intently. I sat down on the bio-bed next him and looked into his eyes, "I don't suppose you really want to stay with the Doc tonight do you?"  
  
"No." Tom shook his head, "I HATE staying behind the force field. It's scary being shut in and all alone."  
  
I was reminded of Tom's frequent claustrophobia in the brig, the hyperventilating and the shaking and the having to be transported to sickbay. Tom didn't cope with it all too well as his older self, I wasn't at all surprised little Tom was scared too, "How about you come and stay with me for the night then?"  
  
"With you? Yeah! Please Kotay, I want to stay with you!" Tom said excitedly.  
  
"Come on then, let's go." I watched Tom jump off the bed and follow me with a huge sleepy smile on his face.  
  
I turned around after a while to see Tom dawdling behind me, struggling to keep his eyes open. I turned around and walked back to him, "Hey sleepyhead, want me to carry you?"  
  
Tom nodded, his eyes closing as he did so. I picked him up and hugged him against my chest, feeling his hands come up to rest on my shoulders and his head tip to the side and settle on me.  
  
When I got back to my quarters Tom was asleep in my arms. I walked into my bedroom, lifted Tom down, pulled the duvet back and laid him in my bed. Tom stirred at the movement and his eyes opened slightly, "Kotay? What are you doing?" he asked softly, rubbing his eyes.  
  
"I'm just putting you to bed buddy. Go back to sleep." I coaxed gently.  
  
"'Kay." Tom whispered, closing his eyes again.  
  
I replicated shorts and T-shirt, using Tom's unlimited rations and changed Tom into them. I tugged the t-shirt over Tom's head and covered him over with the duvet. Making sure he was fully tucked in, I watched him subconsciously snuggle down into the nest of blankets. I ruffled Tom's hair, whispered 'goodnight' and went to go sleep on the couch.  
  
*** "Kotay! Kotay!"  
  
I threw down my reports, jumped gracelessly off the couch and sprinted to the bedroom, "Tom? What's wrong?"  
  
Tom was sitting up in my bed, hair messy and eyes sleepy, but alert. Tom breathed a huge sigh of relief, "I didn't know where you were, Kotay."  
  
My theories of Tom in horrible pain or having something awful happening to him were disproved and I relaxed. I walked over to my bed and perched next to the boy responsible for the false alarm, and pulled the covers over him. "I was just in the lounge." I reassured him, "You okay Angel?"  
  
Well THAT one was a wake up call. Had I just called TOM PARIS angel?  
  
"Yep." Tom said cheerfully, "What are you doing Kotay?"  
  
"Well I've got some reports to finish first, then we'll go out for lunch, then I've got something I want to show you. That okay?"  
  
Tom nodded and followed me out of the bedroom, "Can I sit with you?"  
  
"Sure." I watched Tom clamber onto the couch and pulled my duvet over him, intending for us both to lie around that morning. "Breakfast?" I offered.  
  
"Yes please. Toast." Tom said getting comfy and pushing my scattered PADDS over to what I figured he'd deemed 'my side' of the couch.  
  
I replicated the food and gave it to Tom who started eating while I fiddled with my vid screen. "From what I can remember, you'll enjoy this." I switched on the screen and stepped aside so Tom could see.  
  
Tom's eyes widened and he smiled, "Cartoons!" he yelled happily.  
  
I sat at 'my side' of the couch and picked my reports back up, smiling at Tom giggling at the cartoons every now and again.  
  
*** Two hours later Chakotay put down his last report and looked at Tom. He was still sat watching the show with a permanent grin plastered across his face. This was the fun part of the Tom Paris he used to know, the old Tom without the bitterness and the dry wit. He liked this part of Tom, hoping it wouldn't change and the boy wouldn't inherit the rest of his original personality.  
  
Chakotay waited for the rest of the cartoon to finish before turning to Tom, "You ready to go for your lunch? We'll have to go to the Mess Hall."  
  
"Yuck." Tom said, pulling a face.  
  
"I know. What do you want to wear?"  
  
Tom looked down noticing he had pajamas on, how did THAT happen? He could have sworn he went to bed in his clothes. He shrugged. "Jeans and a t- shirt? I think they're in sickbay, the Doc replicated them for me."  
  
"I'll ask him to transport them over, go get washed up. The bathroom's through there." Chakotay pointed.  
  
Tom hopped off the couch and walked over to the bathroom. He stood on his tiptoes and turned on the tap. Somehow he managed to get himself washed up, only splashing the minimum amount of water over the bathroom, the sink and himself. He turned to see Chakotay sticking his head around the door, "The Doc deems transporting your clothes as a waste of energy and I'm tempted to agree."  
  
"Then what am I gonna wear?" Tom asked, shocked. He wasn't going around in his pajamas all day.  
  
"You can use the replicator in there. You know how to?"  
  
Tom nodded excitedly. He could replicate his OWN clothes, no dodgy posh clothes like dad used to make him wear. Proper clothes that he liked and felt comfy in. Oh yeah, life as a four-year-old on this ship was pretty cool.  
  
Chakotay perched on the arm of his couch wearing slacks and a casual shirt. He was anticipating what baby Tom was going to wear with amusement and a little apprehension. Spirits, Tom was four, he wasn't going to wear one of his usual 'fuck me' outfits.  
  
Chakotay watched Tom emerge from the bathroom, blue eyes searching his own for approval. Tom was wearing baggy blue jeans, a yellow t-shirt, white sneakers and a red cap. Chakotay stood up and marched over to Tom, looking down at him, he took a deep breath, "You do know you've got your cap on backwards don't you?"  
  
Tom grinned, "Yes! It's SUPPOSED to be like that Kotay."  
  
Chakotay led Tom out of his quarters and towards the Mess Hall, "Says who?"  
  
"Says twentieth century people."  
  
"What is your obsession with that?"  
  
"What is my what?" Tom asked, puzzled.  
  
"Why do you like the twentieth century so much?" Chakotay rephrased his question, still adjusting to Tom's level of intelligence. Sure, he was very smart for his age but that was still different from his older self.  
  
"They have really good ships, like boats. And they go really fast and underwater and everything!" Tom said excitedly, "And they have THE BEST cartoons. They're fun."  
  
Chakotay shook his head and laughed softly.  
  
***  
  
"Kotay tell me what we're doing!"  
  
"Patience is something you don't possess Tom Paris."  
  
"Tell me!"  
  
"No."  
  
Chakotay and Tom made their way towards the holodeck, their lunch still wriggling uncertainly in their stomachs. Tom was practically dancing, hating not knowing what he was doing. They approached the holodeck and Chakotay glanced down at Tom, "You ready?"  
  
"KOTAY, JUST TURN ON THE, um, the PROGRAM!" Tom shouted, frustrated.  
  
Chakotay laughed, "Okay already." He activated the holodeck program Neelix had suggested Tom might like and turned back, "Go ahead."  
  
Tom walked into the room and found himself standing on a white, fluffy cloud. Tom looked around seeing lights twinkling in the sky above him and in the city lights below him. Tom wandered to the edge of the cloud and peered over the edge, gauging the great distance between himself and the tiny lights below.  
  
Chakotay started when Tom slipped on a piece of cloud and went falling over the edge. The breath he let out when another piece of cloud floated back up with Tom sat on top surprised him, did he have that much air in his lungs? Chakotay watched Tom look up with a mischievous glint in his eyes, apparently unaware he'd just almost given Chakotay a heart attack.  
  
"Tom, I think we should get down from the clouds, you're gonna kill yourself, or me."  
  
Tom giggled and ran back over to Chakotay, "You mean there's more to this place?"  
  
"Oh yeah."  
  
Chakotay walked over to the edge of the cloud and, this time, jumped onto a cloud, pulling Tom with him. Chakotay could hear his Spirit guide laughing at him for playing in a place like this. For Gods sakes he was sitting on top of a cloud floating downwards to fairyland. He began to laugh himself.  
  
"What's so funny Kotay?" Tom asked balling up pieces of his cloud and dropping them over the edge.  
  
"Just that I haven't done anything like this in a long time."  
  
"I haven't done this EVER." Tom smiled, "It's the best."  
  
The clouds floated down into another world. The sky brightened and they landed among lush green forests and sunny fields. Tom tumbled off his cloud and landed on the grass. Chakotay stepped off his feeling stranger and as if he'd just be reverted back to his childhood dreams. Trust Neelix.  
  
Tom looked up from the grass at Chakotay, "So, what now?"  
  
Chakotay looked down at Tom, the kid's eyes were shining with eagerness, "Well, I know you're just itching to explore, so how about you go off for a while? I'll stay here."  
  
"'Kay, see you later!" Tom ran off into the forest and Chakotay chuckled quietly to himself.  
  
Chakotay sat down on the grass and crossed his legs. This was a perfect place to meditate. Hell this place may as well BE his spirit world it was so tranquil. He sat down, slowed down his breathing and slipped naturally into another state of mind.  
  
*** "Kotay?"  
  
I heard the soft whisper in my trance and slowly pulled myself out of it to see Tom standing curiously in front of me. He was looking down at me, with two shiny things buzzing around him.  
  
I looked back up into the inquisitive blue eyes, "What's up Tom?"  
  
Tom swiped at the buzzing things and they landed contentedly, one on each shoulder. He cocked his head at me, "What are you doing?"  
  
"Meditating." At his confused gaze I smiled, "Just an Indian thing, I guess." I paused, "Tom, what are those things on your shoulders?"  
  
"THINGS!?" One of them buzzed off Tom and hovered in front of my face, "I'll have you know we are THE most respected fairies in the land."  
  
The other one joined it, "AND we expect to be appreciated by puny mortals."  
  
Oh spirits, talking fairies were having a go at me? I wondered if Neelix had programmed them especially to do that.  
  
I watched as Tom giggled and bounced up to me, settling in my lap. He looked up at the pair, "Kotay's sorry, aren't you Kotay?" I nodded feeling ever so slightly phased, "See? He doesn't understand that even the King of this place looks up to you guys. I haven't told him yet."  
  
Tom stretched out his arm and laid his palm flat. One of the fairies buzzed down and landed on it, it looked like Tom had made friends already, "He is forgiven. We will see you tomorrow Tom?"  
  
"Maybe." The fairies accepted this and flew off into the trees and Tom followed them with his eyes, "Bye!" he shouted happily.  
  
By this time I was getting worried, a four-year-old was doing a better diplomatic job than me. Tom twisted in my arms and looked into my eyes, "Don't be mean to those guys Kotay, they're very touchy, like the Doc."  
  
I laughed at Tom's analogy and watched him for a while. He focused his attention on his twiddling fingers and sat in silence for a while. Even though he didn't look troubled, the silence was unnatural for Tom and I felt slightly un-nerved by his stillness, so I enquired gently, "Tom? Anything wrong honey?"  
  
He looked into my eyes, flooding me with the emotions he was feeling, "Kotay?" he asked nervously, "D-do I have to go back to the Doc tonight?"  
  
"Why?" I pushed him lightly  
  
"Well.I, um, he- the Doc's really bad at looking after me. I told you before, he doesn't let me do things and he puts me behind that stupid force field loads." Tom paused and avoided my eyes, "It's better staying with you. But the Doc said not to bug you coz you're real busy." He looked up at me again and began speaking quickly, "But I'm real good Kotay, and quiet, and I can stay still forever and."  
  
I put my finger gently to his lips and silenced him. I didn't believe a word of that last sentence. Good? Quiet? Still? He may be four, but he's still Tom Paris. But he was practically begging to come and stay with me, and I didn't know what to say.  
  
I WAS really busy, being the first officer and all. But Tom had been good when I did my reports that morning. Of course I'd be on shifts most days, but there would be someone to look after him. And, of course, there was the fact that those damned blue eyes were so hard to refuse. Shit, where did Tom get off being such a cute kid?  
  
But what about when he grew up? I was NOT having un-cute big Tom Paris loafing about in my quarters.  
  
Well, he'd realize he hated me soon enough and move out off his own back.  
  
Oh, shit.  
  
"Okay, you can stay with me, but only if you agree to a few conditions."  
  
He sensed my business like tone and nodded seriously.  
  
"One, I've got to work, so when I'm on shifts you'll have to be watched by someone else, and it may be the Doctor from time to time." I paused, watching this sink in, and carried on, "Two, I'll have reports to do too, like this morning, so you'll have to be good sometimes okay?"  
  
I could see Tom's face crumpling as he realized there was more coming and it might not be so much fun living with me after all.  
  
"Three, you have to be my personal slave and do whatever I say whenever I say." I smiled.  
  
Tom laughed and swung his arms around me, "Don't think so Kotay. But I'll do the first two." He smiled. "So I can come and stay with you?"  
  
"Yes. Sure you can."  
  
Tom giggled and hugged me tightly.  
  
*** Having Tom move in me was surprisingly enlightening.  
  
I think it put me in touch with my inner child, or something like that. If you want the full description of what changed in me contact my Spirit guide. Except I don't think she's stopped laughing since the fairyland holodeck incident, so you may have to calm her first.  
  
Whatever it was, it was great. I learnt so much more about Tom Paris in the first few days living with him than I have in years of working alongside his older alter ego.  
  
I know that he likes to curl up on the sofa and watch cartoons for as long as he possibly can.  
  
I know that his favorite meal is peanut butter and jelly on toast, which, by the way, is actually quite tasty.  
  
I know that he has now fallen out with those two fairy things because they decided that him laughing in the presence of the King of fairyland was inappropriate. However, Tom is redeeming himself by going on a quest to rescue the Princess from the fire-breathing dragon. But Tom doesn't want to kill it, and he doesn't like girls, so he is planning on befriending it and showing everyone back home that he has the skills to tame a dragon. And he will also dutifully inform the King that his daughter has turned into a witch and is now causing chaos over in the south, which is apparently almost true because she looks like a witch anyway. Sounds too much like hard work to me.  
  
I also know that Tom lives off support.  
  
He loves to be encouraged and praised in everything he does. It must be the Starfleet influence because he's terrified of making a mistake.  
  
He also needs physical support. I'm not talking anything drastic. Just a hug sometimes when he's had a bad dream, or if he feels intimidated by something. He likes to curl up in my lap while he's watching cartoons or we're star gazing. Or he'll suddenly feel threatened by something new, grab my hand and cling on for dear life.  
  
The physical support side of Tom was hard to analyze at first. I just put it down to Tom being affectionate, or missing his real family. But I never imagined what he would reveal to be the real thing bothering him.  
  
*** Tom curled up in my lap, took my hand and began to play with it gently.  
  
It had been a long day for him: watched by the Doctor, then playing in the holodeck with Harry, then I picked him up and we went to Sandrine's for a while and then we came here to the observation lounge.  
  
It was Friday, and Tom was due to regain his memories tonight. We had about ten minutes to go and Tom was staring sleepily out of the window.  
  
I watched the chronometer slowly tick off the last few minutes. Midnight came and went. Tom was five years old and still silent. I began to get slightly worried about him, so I squeezed him tighter to me and rubbed his back soothingly.  
  
Tom turned and looked up at me, "Kotay? Is mom ever coming home?"  
  
Uh-oh. "Why don't you explain that to me honey?" I said softly.  
  
"Dad and mom had a fight, and she went away. I-I don't get it. Where is she Kotay? Why am I here? Why did Dad yell at her so bad? Why couldn't they argue quiet, like usual? I don't understand Kotay. Why's everything different?"  
  
I held Tom even tighter and hushed him gently. Now I understood why he needed this support.  
  
His parents had obviously been fighting, and he'd been feeling insecure about it like most kids did who were stuck in the middle of these things. I didn't know the details of what happened and I didn't need to. No child deserved to grow up without his mother, and Tom was obviously suffering for the lack of his. Though I hated to admit it, Admiral Paris had never looked like the hugging, supportive kind of father.  
  
I decided there and then that I was not going to be a substitute parent to Tom.  
  
I didn't want him to expect me to up and leave him like his mother.  
  
I didn't want to leave him in the dark to suffer alone like his father.  
  
I was going to be something more than either of them.  
  
I was going to be his bestest friend.  
  
"Tom honey, I don't know what's happened between your parents. They're going through a rough patch, but they love you more than anything baby, okay?"  
  
"Then why aren't I with them?"  
  
So this was how it punished him. Making a five-year-old wonder why they were on a strange starship instead of with their family where they ought to be. This WAS a cruel punishment, and I began to wish we'd just thrown him in the brig and got the hell out of that system instead of complying with their culture.  
  
"This will be hard for you to understand now, but you will eventually and things will keep coming back to you in bursts. I'll explain it to you properly when you get older, but I'm afraid you might not be seeing your parents again for a while."  
  
Tom looked down sadly and I felt him tighten his grip on me, "But you'll be here, right?" he whispered softly, "YOU'LL stay with me, Kotay?"  
  
"I'll always be here for you buddy."  
  
I rocked Tom gently in my arms and felt him relax, his grip around me loosened and I nudged him so he was almost lying down in my embrace. He opened his blue eyes and looked into mine, "I don't mind not being with mom and dad. Mom was nice, but she doesn't play with me as much. And dad's always away on missions or something. I like being with you the best."  
  
That was sweet, but I wasn't game for playing him off against his parents. So, instead I just said, "I like being with you too, Tom."  
  
He smiled and settled down, snuggling into my embrace. I guess turning five had tired him out, or maybe it was riding an emotional roller coaster overload in a few seconds. I noticed Tom had dropped off, stood up and carried him back towards my- sorry OUR- quarters.  
  
*** Tom curled up under his cover and closed his eyes tightly, trying to shake off the headache. It wasn't working particularly well. He sighed and dragged himself out of bed, stopping a second to let the dizziness pass. Then he walked unsteadily into the lounge and pulled himself onto the couch next to Chakotay. Tom suddenly felt bad for coming in the middle of the night, so he just snuggled down into Chakotay's chest, hoping the simple presence of the Commander would ease his aches.  
  
Chakotay felt something burrowing down into him and stirred, "What?" Chakotay opened his eyes, squinting against his semi-illuminated living area, "Tom? What are you doing?" Chakotay queried sleepily  
  
Tom looked up at Chakotay, watching the older man struggling to consciousness, "I don't feel so good Kotay. I've got a real bad headache and I feel hot and dizzy."  
  
"Oh honey." Chakotay gathered the five-year-old up in his arms "Is it really that bad?"  
  
Tom nodded and snuggled into Chakotay, "Is there anything you can do?"  
  
"You wanna go see the Doc?" Chakotay smiled at Tom's shaking head, "I'll go get you some pain killers then okay?"  
  
Tom nodded and Chakotay got up, making sure Tom was still tucked up warmly. He went and ordered a hypo from the replicator and brought it back to the couch. Sitting next to Tom, he stroked his forehead feeling the unnaturally high temperature of the boy's body, "Tom you're burning up, are you sure you don't want to go to sickbay?"  
  
"No. I jus' wanna sleep."  
  
Chakotay injected the painkiller into Tom's neck and lay back down, hugging Tom to his chest. He stroked Tom's back gently until they both fell asleep.  
  
*** Later, Chakotay woke up to Tom tossing and turning in his lose embrace. He looked down to Tom and noticed that he was sweating, his face was bright red and he was shaking uncontrollably. Chakotay's eyes widened and he grabbed for his Comm badge. "Chakotay to sickbay; emergency transport. Two people from my Comm badge."  
  
They materialized in sickbay and Chakotay put Tom down on a biobed, the Doctor walking swiftly over, "What are his symptoms?"  
  
"He said he had a headache earlier on tonight, and I woke up just now with him shaking and he's got a really high fever. Doc, what's wrong with him?"  
  
The Doctor scanned Tom, "I'm. not sure."  
  
"You're NOT SURE!?"  
  
"I'll have to run more tests. I've contacted the Captain."  
  
"Why've you done."  
  
"Because she's asked to be involved in matters of Tom's health and I think you're going to get a little stressed, you may need someone to talk to who isn't photonic."  
  
"I'm not stressed."  
  
"Commander I have never seen you bite your nails."  
  
Chakotay jerked his hand out of his mouth and walked over to Tom, but was ushered away by the Doctor. He used the transporter to get himself a sweater and pulled it over his T-shirt. Then, unsure of what to do, he just stood and stared at the Doctor busying around Tom who had stopped shaking.  
  
Kathryn walked in to see the Doctor working on the youngest member of the crew, and her first officer fretting in the corner. She walked over to Chakotay, "How is he?"  
  
Chakotay shrugged, "I don't know. I just woke up, and he had a fever and, oh Gods he'd better be okay."  
  
Kathryn smiled a little, "You do remember that you're talking about Tom Paris, right?"  
  
"Yeah, but he's different now. He's just a kid." Chakotay found himself consciously resisting chewing his nails. Where had that come from?  
  
"Chakotay, calm down. He'll be okay you know. He's a tough kid."  
  
The Doctor turned around, "He's just got what I believe is known as a 'twenty four hour bug'. He should have a fever for the next few hours, then he'll just have flu symptoms for a while."  
  
Chakotay let out the breath he'd been holding in for a while, "Thank Gods."  
  
"Kotay?" came a small voice from the bed.  
  
"He's awake?" Chakotay asked no one in particular, making his way over to the bed and taking Tom's hand, "Hey. How are you feeling?"  
  
"Hot and dizzy still. But I feel better than before. I'm sleepy too Kotay." Tom said, his eyes drifting closed.  
  
Chakotay brushed back Tom's hair, "Then go to sleep honey."  
  
Tom's eyes started to close slowly, but then suddenly snapped open, "You're not gonna leave me here are you? I've been good Kotay, I still want to stay with you."  
  
"Shush honey." Chakotay gently put a finger to Tom's lips, "You're sick. That's the only reason you're here, you're coming home with me as soon as the Doc lets you out. Go to sleep."  
  
Tom caught a glimpse of someone else behind Chakotay, "Kathy! Hi." He croaked.  
  
She smiled and walked over, "How are you feeling Tom?"  
  
Tom frowned, hadn't someone just asked him that? He couldn't remember who, he was too sleepy. "I'm tired."  
  
Chakotay laughed, "Then go. to. sleep."  
  
"'Kay." Tom resigned, "Will you still be here when I wake up?" Tom asked hopefully.  
  
"Yes."  
  
Tom smiled, satisfied. He rolled onto his side, still holding Chakotay's hand like a lifeline, and drifted off to sleep. 


	4. Child's Play (part 6)

Chakotay held Tom's hand gently, stroking the palm and watching the kid sleep, making sure nothing else drastic happened to him. He thought about what Kathryn had said, 'you do remember you're talking about Tom Paris, right?' and frowned. He'd obviously made a mistake where the hotshot pilot was concerned, the young child curled up on the biobed was Tom's real self- vulnerable and innocent. Maybe, Chakotay thought, maybe if Tom retained these qualities they could be friends at the end of it all.  
  
Chakotay was interrupted from his thinking by Tom stirring and pulling his hand away to rub at his eyes sleepily.  
  
Tom looked around briefly, spotted Chakotay and grinned widely. He KNEW Kotay wouldn't leave him but, still, it just wasn't possible for anyone to care about you THAT much. No one had ever been as good a friend to Tom as Kotay, he was just waiting for Kotay to leave him. Everyone Tom had come across either didn't care, or pretended to and then left just when you felt safe. But there was something different about Kotay that Tom's sleepy and ill mind couldn't quite make out.  
  
"How are you feeling honey?" Chakotay asked gently. Tom sneezed in response, making Chakotay chuckle slightly. "That good huh?" he smiled.  
  
Tom sniffed and looked at Chakotay, his bestest friend looked tired. Tom felt guilty for dragging him to sickbay in the middle of the night, Kotay had caught hardly any sleep. Tom frowned, somehow knowing Kotay wouldn't leave him alone- but then the older man wouldn't get any sleep. He coughed a little and asked, "Can we go home now?"  
  
Chakotay smiled, he'd already cleared it with the Doctor, knowing it would be Tom's first request. He could take Tom home as long as the child stayed in bed until the symptoms dissipated, "Sure honey." He felt a lightness inside as a wide smile spread across Tom's face. "Come on." He leant over and uncovered Tom, lifting him up into his arms. Chakotay quickly informed the Doctor of their exit, and took Tom home.  
  
Once through the doors of their quarters, Chakotay immediately took Tom to bed. He pulled the covers back with one hand and lay Tom down, but Tom's arms stayed stuck around his neck, "Tom, you're going to have to let go of me." He said with a smile.  
  
Tom shook his head and pulled Chakotay slightly, "Stay here with me." He whispered, wanting the Commander to go to sleep and not just watch him all night.  
  
Chakotay felt Tom's unbreakable grip around his neck, saw the seriousness in the kid's eyes and sighed, "Fine." He pulled his sweatshirt off and got into the bed next to Tom. Tom immediately snuggled into Chakotay's chest and tugged the man's arms around him, making Chakotay smile.  
  
Tom stared into the darkness for a while and then asked timidly, "Kotay, are you ever going to leave me?"  
  
Chakotay heard the shy near whisper and tightened his hold around Tom, "Not if you don't want me to."  
  
"I don't." Tom said quickly.  
  
"Then I won't." Chakotay reassured.  
  
Tom sighed happily, feeling suddenly tired from the release of tension, "Good."  
  
"Get some sleep now honey, okay?" There was no response. "Tom? TOM?" Chakotay quickly looked down, seeing that the five-year-old was already asleep, and grinned in relief. He smiled and closed his eyes, "I think you've got the right idea there buddy." And he drifted of to join Tom.  
  
*** Tom brightened up a lot over the next few days, getting more chatty and bouncy, but still just as affectionate. Little did I know, our troubles were not over.  
  
I had become accustomed to Tom's mornings. He would jump out of bed at Gods know what time, I was never conscious enough to notice the time, and curl up next to me on the couch. I had also become accustomed to the couch that was definitely as comfy as my bed and almost as big.  
  
I would wake up with Tom asleep next to me, or he would be sat at the other end of the couch watching cartoons.  
  
On a shift morning I would drag myself out of bed and hit the shower, while Tom would already be ready to go, washed, dressed, breakfast eaten and everything. He was very alert in the mornings.  
  
On this particular morning I was running especially late as the night before Tom had turned six and I was shattered from almost zero sleep. However Mr. Hyperactive seemed to be doing just fine. Tom was not looking forward to a morning of the Doctor, but he was looking forward to the afternoon with Neelix. He seemed to enjoy spending time with the fuzzy Talaxian, I had a suspicion this was because Neelix spent all his rations on chocolate for Tom, but who was I to judge?  
  
Tom threw my Comm. badge at me from the table and frowned, "Come on Kotay you're going to be late."  
  
I caught the badge, clipped it on and headed out the door, "Since when do you want to get to the Doctor so fast?"  
  
"What? I like being with him."  
  
"What are you up to? You may be six now, but you're still completely readable."  
  
"I'm not doing anything!" Tom protested, holding his arms open.  
  
"So long as I don't get a moaning message from the Doc or anyone else about your misbehaviour, I'm fine."  
  
I dropped Tom off at sickbay and headed off for the bridge silently praying to every God I know that Tom didn't have something up his sleeve.  
  
*** I got to the Mess Hall earlier than usual that day and saw Tom and Naomi sitting at a table in the corner. I crept closer, not wanting them to see me, wanting to eavesdrop.  
  
"He is so!" Tom sounded and looked mad, scowling at Naomi.  
  
"No way. I'M Captain Janeway's ASSISTANT and she's not MY best friend. There's no way Commander Chakotay is yours."  
  
"He is!"  
  
Tom and Naomi had met last night at the resort, while playing in a beach volleyball tournament. Tom had been a little daunted by Naomi's excitement at having another child her age to play with, but he had eventually opened up and bounded around with Naomi as he would with anyone else. However, he had later confessed to me that Naomi was too 'bossy' for his liking and she kept telling him that she knew something about him that he didn't. That was easily fixed by a quiet word with Sam Wildman, I didn't want Tom to find out about his punishment until he either remembered or I decided he needed to know.  
  
"Then how come you're not his proper assistant? I get to show people around the ship, all YOU do is sit around all day doing nothing." Naomi was talking with her 'I'm a year older than you, so there!' air.  
  
"Kotay IS my bestest friend AND, well maybe he hasn't made me his assistant, but you don't get to hang out with the Captain and I get to hang out with Kotay. So what if you get to show people around the ship, that's boring anyways." Tom said with a sad edge to his voice that made his uncaring attitude about Naomi's position doubtful.  
  
"You're just jealous."  
  
"Am not."  
  
"Are too."  
  
"Am not."  
  
I realized that this could quite possibly go on forever, knowing those two. Before Naomi could get her 'are too' in I intervened, sitting myself next to Tom, "Hi, what are you two doing?" I enquired softly.  
  
Naomi smiled sweetly, "Just talking, Sir. By the way, have you seen Captain Janeway? I was thinking I'd arrange the next ship tour with her for our next guests."  
  
Jeez, since when did Naomi speak like a Crewman? I glanced at her, seeing her 'look' at Tom, and I saw Tom's face fall slightly.  
  
I put my arm gently around Tom's shoulders and squeezed one of them reassuringly, "Well, Naomi, I think Tom can ask Captain Janeway that for you, we're heading up to the Bridge right now."  
  
Naomi's mouth hit the floor and Tom turned to me, wide-eyed. Naomi seemed to drag herself over the shock, "B-but, why's he going to the bridge, um, Sir?"  
  
"Well he's got to do SOME work if he is my assistant. We'll see you later."  
  
I dragged Tom up, leaving Naomi looking like she'd just eaten a shuttlecraft full of lemons.  
  
*** Tom ran around so he was in font of me as we left the Mess Hall, I picked him up to my level and continued walking down the corridors. He looked at me, his eyes sparkling with excitement, "Did you mean it Kotay?"  
  
"Of course I did."  
  
"Wow!" Tom's eyes sparkled, "So I really get to work on the bridge?" he grinned at my nod, "Naomi said that's the one place she hasn't been on the ship."  
  
"And she's telling the truth. But you've got to work for it Tom. It's definitely time you started earning your keep." I smiled. "And you'll have to do it properly, on the Bridge I'm Sir, not Kotay, got it?"  
  
"Yes Sir!" Tom said, his sunny grin still lighting up the corridors. He gave me a quick hug, then paused for thought a second, "Kot- I mean Sir?"  
  
I smiled at him "Yes?"  
  
"Am I your assistant now?" he asked nervously.  
  
"I guess so."  
  
"Oh." Tom seemed to be thinking and I wondered why he seemed so unhappy. This was what he wanted right? After a while he glanced back up, "Are we still bestest friends though? Naomi's Captain Kathy's assistant and they're not bestest friends."  
  
"Of course we're still best friends buddy."  
  
The smile reappeared as we entered the turbo lift and he gave my neck a squeeze. "Thanks K- Sir. This is the best."  
  
I put Tom down as we arrived on the Bridge. Tuvok turned around from his relatively short stay at the Command Chair, and stood up, "Sir?"  
  
"You're relieved Tuvok, report back in an hour."  
  
"Yes, Sir."  
  
Tuvok marched off the bridge and I looked down at Tom who was marveling at the sight before him. He grabbed my hand a second as he took it all in, and then let go and stood still, his eyes still wide. I took the lead, heading down to the lower deck with Tom on my heels, I addressed the shift, "Tom will be joining us for this shift people, and I trust you'll make him welcome."  
  
One or two of the crew scowled silently, the Maquis people who never cared much for Tom anyway. But the rest grinned to themselves or their neighbour and Harry caught Tom's eye and gave him a thumbs up.  
  
I turned to Tom and hoisted him onto my usual seat next to the Captain's chair, he was way too small for the chair and he drew his legs up so he was sitting cross-legged. Flipping my control panel out in front of Tom I crouched to explain to him, "See that light there? It's green now; I want to know the second it turns red okay? You need to watch it closely, because if it goes red it means someone's near us and I need to know about it, got it?"  
  
Tom nodded seriously, "Yes Sir."  
  
I gave him a quick smile and sat in the Captain's seat. Tom's job wasn't exactly vital, we had sensors, which warned us of the fluctuations, Tom's readings were just more detailed. We'd know about the big ones before it showed up on Tom's display. But it made him feel good, so I figured what the hell.  
  
Ten minutes into my extended shift Tom turned to me, "Sir? It's turned red."  
  
Red? We'd had no warnings. It was probably a stray asteroid or something. I just dismissed him, "Okay. Tell me if it happens again."  
  
Less than a minute later Tom's sincere voice broke through my thoughts again, "Sir, it's red again."  
  
Oh Spirits. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all, I didn't want this for a whole hour. I reached over to decrease the sensor sensitivity and glanced at the readings which had turned the sensor red. Raising an eyebrow I called over to ops, "Harry, detailed scan of sector three-oh- seven point five."  
  
Harry punched in the information and looked back at me, the young man's face excited but puzzled "It's a ship, Sir. Running incredibly low energy readings. Automated sensors wouldn't have caught it."  
  
I stood up, giving Tom a congratulatory smile, he just frowned askance at me, "Comm the Captain and hail that ship."  
  
"Response."  
  
"On screen." I ordered.  
  
I stood and faced a humanoid that wasn't all together too far from humans. He just had slits instead of eyes and blue spots dotting each cheek. "I am Kal Jarut, Prime of the Llang. State your intentions."  
  
"I am Commander Chakotay of the U.S.S. Voyager. We just wanted to offer trade of information and goods."  
  
Jarut looked at me as the Captain walked in, "Report Commander?"  
  
I nodded to the view screen as Jarut began to speak, "How did you locate us? Your sensors must be superior to many of the species we've encountered."  
  
"I am Captain Janeway, the leader of this vessel." She paused, checking out the energy readings on the screen, "Just a second Sir. Mute audio." She turned to me, "Just how DID we find this."  
  
"Jarut." I informed her, "We had someone monitoring the sensors manually."  
  
Too excited with the prospect of first contact and trade she didn't ask me who was monitoring them, and she didn't notice Tom perched nervously in my chair his hands tapping an uneasy tattoo on the armrests, as she resumed audio, "We had a crewmember monitoring the sensors manually."  
  
"He must be very dedicated, that would require constant surveillance. The fluctuations are small and brief. I wish to meet with him."  
  
Kathryn turned to me, indicating I should get said crewmember here NOW. No problem. I turned to Tom, "Come here for a second hon."  
  
As I grinned at Kathryn's shocked expression, Tom slid off the chair, uncertainty covering his face. He walked over to me slowly, "Am I in trouble?"  
  
"No." I lifted him up to more our height and introduced him to Jarut. "Jarut, meet our sensor surveillance chief, Tom Paris."  
  
"Hi." Tom said softly, and I could almost feel his nervousness as he clung on to me.  
  
It surprising how here we were thousands of light years from home, and yet Jarut's surprised expression matched Kathryn's perfectly. Jarut faltered, "B-but he's a juvenile. How can he possibly.do you have children running your ship?"  
  
Kathryn recovered from her shock and looked back to Jarut, "No. There's just Tom" she turned to Tom and smiled, "Why don't you invite Jarut over Tom?"  
  
Tom looked at Kathryn, then to me for reassurance, then he let his gaze rest on Jarut. He paused a while before a wide grin spread across his face, "Wanna come play?" 


	5. Child's Play (parts 7 and 8)

Tom and I headed down to the transporter room to meet Jarut and guests. I suspected Kathryn would already be there, along with Tuvok and his security detail. When we entered the turbo lift, Tom looked up at me, "Why am I coming Kotay?"  
  
Tom had slipped into his unfamiliar 'silent mode' ever since everyone started to busy around him on the bridge, arranging activities for the ambassadors. He'd just curled up in my Command chair and watched us all buzzing around, until Kathryn had suggested Tom be made part of the welcoming team. So we had gone home and I'd quickly changed into my dress uniform. Tom had insisted on staying in his jeans and white T-shirt, but he had agreed to lose the cap, on the accounts that backwards wasn't very smart and forwards lost the view of his face.  
  
"Because you're the one who found them Tom. You've earned your right to be part of the meeting." I paused, remembering how easily these things intimidated Tom, and crouched down to his level, "Are you okay with this? You don't have to do anything you don't want to you know."  
  
"I know." Tom looked into my eyes, "I'll come if you stay with me. Things are getting busy and I feel really, kind of not important." Tom shrugged his confession.  
  
"Oh Tom." I pulled Tom into my arms and hugged him tightly, "Tom, you're important to me okay? I'm sorry, there are just a lot of things we have to do to get ready for these people. But that could never make you unimportant honey, alright?"  
  
I felt Tom nod in my embrace and heard the lift doors open. I lifted Tom up a little, "You ready for this buddy?"  
  
"Yeah!" Tom said and bounded out of the lift, leaving me completely puzzled at his change of attitude. I put it down to him simply being Tom Paris.  
  
*** Tom stood in the transporter room watching everybody rushing around trying to make everything perfect for the giant alien's visit. Tom didn't know why they were bothering, he thought Voyager was perfect the way it was. Kotay was talking to Tuvok, Kathy was running around making sure everyone was smart and 'Lana and Haz were arguing over what the aliens would visit first; stellar cartography or engineering.  
  
They had a few minutes spare before the aliens transported over and Tom decided to go and eavesdrop on Kathryn and Chakotay's conversation.  
  
"You seem to like looking after Tom." Kathryn turned to Chakotay who was reading over a few ship reports.  
  
"Hmm? Yeah, it's fun. It's a complete shock though, I mean getting on with him. Before his punishment I wouldn't have gone and chatted voluntarily with Paris, but he's quite an, um, perceptive child."  
  
"Tom Paris? Perceptive?" Kathryn laughed, "Maybe this punishment will do him some good after all."  
  
"Maybe it." Chakotay cut himself off when he realized Tom was making his way up to them, "Hey. You ready for this?"  
  
Tom nodded and he turned to Kathy who was lecturing 'Kotay again, "Chakotay, you could have dressed him up a little."  
  
Tom looked down at his clothes, he thought he looked pretty good. Chakotay grinned and turned to Kathryn, "Kathryn you're paranoid. We don't do dress uniform for six year olds, remember?"  
  
"Yes, but still, this is a different occasion. We didn't anticipate this one."  
  
Chakotay smiled and looked into Kathryn's eyes, "Kathryn, breathe. It's okay. They're not going to start a violent war with us just because Tom looks like he hasn't changed out of those clothes in a week."  
  
"Hey!" Chakotay looked back down to Tom, who pouted, "Quit insulting me!"  
  
The adults both laughed and Kathryn relaxed, excusing herself and attending to the transporter chief. Chakotay bent down to Tom's level, "Sorry, I didn't mean that. You look great."  
  
"Oh yeah? Then why did you say it?" Tom said folding his arms and attempting an intimidating posture.  
  
"Because it's true. But the look suits you." Chakotay grinned. Kathryn immediately grabbed Chakotay by the arm and dragged him over to the transporter pad. Then she went back and retrieved the giggling Tom, straightening his clothes as they went, and stood him next to Chakotay. She indicated to them both to plaster a smile onto their features, and turned to face the transporter.  
  
Tom stood in-between Kathryn and Chakotay, waiting for the aliens to transport over. He didn't have to wait long because one nod from Kathryn and the aliens came into view. As soon as they appeared Tom gave a low whistle of surprise, only to be nudged quiet by Chakotay. The aliens were all taller than seven meters and Tom found himself craning his neck to see them properly.  
  
Jarut stepped down off the transporter pad and stepped in front of Captain Janeway, "Captain. Thank you for having us to your ship. This is my second in command, Linal and our ambassador, Kale."  
  
Kathryn smiled a greeting, "This is my security chief Lieutenant Tuvok, my chief engineer B'Elanna Torres, my operations officers Harry Kim and.you've already met Tom Paris and Commander Chakotay."  
  
Jarut walked over to Tom and lifted him up, Tom giving a gasp of surprise. Tom was picked up, held high over the alien, his head almost hitting the ceiling and then placed back down on the ground. Once back down Tom edged slowly away from Jarut and made sure he was partially hidden behind Chakotay.  
  
Jarut noticed the other humanoids were staring at him and decided to explain his actions, "It's a traditional greeting in my culture. We thank the Gods for blessing us with a child."  
  
Kathryn held back her smile and gestured to the door, "After you."  
  
Tom and Chakotay hung back, letting the aliens head out first and then taking a position behind Tuvok and B'Elanna. Chakotay placed his hand reassuringly on Tom's shoulder, "Kind of different than shaking hands, huh?"  
  
Tom nodded, still a little shocked, "Yeah. They're taller than you, I thought I was gonna go through the ceiling."  
  
Chakotay smiled, "Then just be grateful I'm not eight foot tall."  
  
*** Tom made his way through the corridors concentrating hard and was rewarded with only losing his way twice. He smiled to himself, for a six-year-old, that wasn't too bad. Tom stood on his tiptoes, but still couldn't reach the chime on Chakotay's office door, so he contented himself with pounding on the door.  
  
Chakotay shouted for him to come in and Tom jumped up to activate the sensor, which was also placed too high. The door opened and he walked in to find Chakotay sitting at his desk surrounded by padds. "Kotay, you said you'd be done at 1700."  
  
"Just give me a sec. It's not my fault I have extra work now that the K'Tra are visiting."  
  
"But Jarut, Linal and Kale aren't even here." Tom knew for a fact they were in holodeck two.  
  
"That doesn't mean I haven't got reports to do." Chakotay touched the last one off, "Anyway, I'm done now, where did you want to go so badly?"  
  
Tom grinned impishly, his eyes sparkling, "S'prise. Come on."  
  
Chakotay followed Tom out of the door, not completely sure whether he should have agreed to go somewhere with Tom. Knowing the six-year-old's sense of adventure, he could be walking towards an airlock with the idea of going for a space walk sans suit.  
  
Chakotay found Tom stopping in front of holodeck two and he groaned inwardly, not another visit to the fairies and that damn King who had it in for him. He sighed, he wasn't in the mood for flying dragons, talking elves and floating castles.  
  
Chakotay lapsed into a world of reports he still had to do, while Tom opened the holodeck. His heart practically leapt out of his chest when he heard the chorus of "SURPRISE!"  
  
Before he had time to guard his bulging eyes, gaping mouth and basic overall shocked appearance they had plastered themselves over his body and the people in front of him laughed heartily. Chakotay looked around to see about twenty of his closest friends watching him from the middle of a clearing in a lush, green forest. He screwed up his eyes for a second and tried to make the right words connect with his mouth, "B-but, you didn't, I thought you f-forgot." He stammered out, smiling at himself.  
  
Kathryn laughed and walked out of the crowd towards him, "No chance of that, Tom found out everyone's birthday whilst hacking our systems. We've been reminded about this constantly for the past fortnight and he insisted on throwing a party."  
  
Chakotay looked at Tom who was standing smiling at him, looking ridiculously pleased with himself. Chakotay picked Tom up so they were eye to eye, "You organized this?"  
  
"Yup." Tom said excitedly with his face beaming, "Haz helped me program this," he gestured around at the settings, "And Neelix did the food for me, and 'Lana helped me hide it from you, and Kathy helped me pick your present and the Doc covered for me while I worked on it and."  
  
"Thank you Tom." Chakotay gently quieted his ramblings, "This is amazing."  
  
Tom smiled and produced a small box from his sweater pocket, he handed it to Chakotay, "For you."  
  
Chakotay put Tom down, fully aware of the rest of the party's smiling gazes and the sincere whispers of 'how cute' and the like. "Can I open it?" he asked Tom.  
  
"Yeah!" Tom said, shocked at the revelation that Chakotay could possibly wait.  
  
Chakotay opened the box and pulled out a beautifully carved white and gray wolf with bright yellow eyes. He gasped softly and crouched down to Tom, "How did you know?" he whispered.  
  
Tom seemed to sense the privacy of this discussion and kept his voice low, "Know what?"  
  
"That my spirit guide's a wolf?"  
  
"I didn't know that. It's just when you were meditating you whispered 'wolf' out loud and I figured you liked them." Tom paused, unsure why Chakotay was smiling gently at him and fixing him with a warm look, "What's a Spirit guide?"  
  
Chakotay laughed and pulled Tom into a friendly embrace.  
  
*** Chakotay and Kathryn were surrounded by the K'Tra ambassadors, who were all eagerly asking them questions.  
  
Kale's eyes sparkled with interest as he plagued Chakotay and Kathryn with questions, "So why is this Tom growing at such an alarming rate. He seems to be bigger every time I encounter him."  
  
Kathryn and Chakotay exchanged glances. They had already discussed what they would do in this situation. They would tell the ambassadors about Tom's abnormal aging, but they would not tell the circumstances under which he acquired the irregularity. Besides, finding out that their helmsman had been so immature as to be reverted back to a child wouldn't much help trading. Chakotay looked toward Kale, "Tom had an accident and was reverted back to a child. He's growing one year every week."  
  
Jarut's eyes widened, "That truly IS an interesting case."  
  
Chakotay smiled, "Yes, I guess it is pretty unusual."  
  
The group talked for a while and then the K'Tra excused themselves and gathered together, talking excitedly.  
  
*** Five hours later and Chakotay and Kathryn were the only ones left- except for Tom, who was playing in the forest somewhere. The close friends had produced a blazing fire (Kathryn joking that they maybe they could spend a few hours getting Chakotay to light it) and were now sitting on a slab of rock, warming their hands on the fire. Kathryn looked to Chakotay, "You and Tom are getting close aren't you? Best friends is certainly becoming the term to use."  
  
"We're not THAT close, and it's bestEST friends." He smiled.  
  
Then, as if to purposely disprove Chakotay, Tom emerged from in-between some trees and headed over to the pair by the fire. Tom pulled himself into the Commander's lap and curled up against his chest, snuggling into the warmth. Chakotay, all too aware of Kathryn's raised eyebrow and wry smile, put his arm around Tom so he was supporting him in a half-lying position. One of Tom's hands gently clutched at Chakotay's shirt and he sucked the thumb on his other hand absent-mindedly. Tom drew his legs up and rested them on Chakotay's knees nudging himself back into Chakotay's embrace. He then sighed and closed his eyes feeling, and looking, completely at home in Chakotay's arms.  
  
Kathryn watched the whole display with more than a little amusement, "Not THAT close, huh?"  
  
Chakotay felt Tom's hand move down from his shirt and curl around his thumb. He smiled at the young boy and turned it to Kathryn, "No, I just have a warm lap I guess."  
  
Kathryn laughed softly and grinned down at Tom whose eyes were drifting slowly towards sleep. She thought a while and then frowned, "What are you going to do when Tom grows up?"  
  
"You mean about our friendship?" Chakotay checked Tom was asleep, while thinking, "I guess he'll realize that we're not really too close after all. But by then he'll be.about twenty-five, so I don't think he'll be clinging onto me at that age."  
  
"Still," Kathryn rubbed her hands together, "It'll be a shock for him to remember."  
  
"There are lots of things that are going to be a shock for him to remember. He hasn't exactly had a fun-filled life. We've already had his mother leaving him."  
  
Kathryn smiled sadly, "You beginning to see why it's a punishment now? It was tough on Tom having to live it once, but twice? And he doesn't even understand what's happening properly, we're just a bunch of strangers to him at the moment." She sighed, "I guess it's not much fun for him."  
  
Chakotay stroked Tom's spiky blonde hair flat, "No, it can't be. But we can only do our best to make it as easy as possible for him."  
  
Kathryn nodded her agreement, "Is he asleep?"  
  
"Yes, he's been out of it for a while. He hasn't heard a word we've said."  
  
***  
  
Just then the timer warning went; we had fifteen minutes left. Kathryn stood up, "I guess we'd better be going then. Are you going to wake Tom up?"  
  
I looked down to see Tom sleeping softly in my arms. He was becoming a light sleeper and I knew he'd wake up as soon as I moved. "I'll try not to."  
  
As predicted, as soon as I shifted Tom into a safe position so I could stand, his tired blue eyes opened and he looked at me with a question in them. Kathryn began to laugh softly from next to me and I looked down at Tom, "We're going home honey, do you want to walk or shall I carry you?"  
  
Tom frowned as his sleepy brain tried to process the question, "Carry me. I'm tired." He said softly.  
  
We both stood up and I nudged Tom so he was lying down in my arms. He rolled into my chest and snuggled down to sleep. Coming to the junction where we would have to part, I bade goodnight to Kathryn and she leaned down to Tom, "Night Tom." She whispered.  
  
Tom turned his head so he was looking at Kathryn. I didn't even know he was awake, he had been so quiet and still. "Night Kathy." He said softly.  
  
I turned and walked towards our quarters, Tom rolled onto his back and looked up into my eyes, "Kotay? Did you like your party then?"  
  
"Loved it. You can organize a mean party." I grinned down at him.  
  
Tom smiled sleepily, blinking his blue eyes slowly, "Hey Kotay, do you think I could come onto the bridge again tomorrow?"  
  
I turned into our quarters and sat Tom on the bed, "I don't think so. You've had a pretty late night, you'll be too tired."  
  
Tom immediately perked up and bounced into the bathroom changing into his pajamas and washing up at light speed. He sprinted back into the bedroom and almost knocked me over as he dove into my arms, "See Kotay. I'm not tired AT ALL!"  
  
"Sure you're not." I dropped Tom onto the bed and pulled the covers back so he could crawl in, "Lie down." I ordered, watching him slide down so he was lying on his back staring up at me.  
  
I looked down at Tom Paris lying in my bed, looking up at me with an impish twinkle in his eyes. I'd never imagined having this happen, it was definitely too weird. I sat next to Tom, "Go on then, start talking."  
  
"What?" Tom asked, confused.  
  
"I want you to tell me about anything and everything Tom."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"So that, hopefully, you'll talk yourself to sleep." I said, knowing that Tom would barely get through one story before dropping off into slumberland.  
  
***  
  
Chakotay was proved utterly wrong as Tom ventured through several tales of his holodeck adventures, extremely detailed crew descriptions of what Tom thought of them and a few select memories from his other life, without faltering at all. Tom finished telling Chakotay about his time sailing with his Uncle and looked at the older man. Chakotay had lied down next to him a long time ago and Tom saw that his eyes were closed. He frowned, "Kotay? Are you awake?"  
  
Chakotay's only response was a sleepy snore and Tom giggled to himself. He climbed out of bed, noticing Chakotay was lying on most of his cover and that there was no way he could lift the man off. Tom sighed, he didn't want to wake his friend, but Kotay couldn't sleep all cold like that. Tom grinned to himself, suddenly getting an idea. He entered the lounge and dragged Chakotay's blanket off the couch. Tom returned to the bedroom and covered Chakotay over with the blanket. The Commander sighed sleepily and subconsciously tugged the cover over himself. Smiling, Tom climbed back into bed and snuggled down, "Night Kotay." He whispered, closing his eyes.  
  
*** Linal found him in what the humans called the holodeck. He seemed to be playing some sort of game, laughing with a small red animal, but Linal wasn't concerned with that. He had his orders.  
  
He walked up behind the small child who turned and beamed at him.  
  
Sticking a tracking device onto the child, who frowned and tried to tear it off Linal immediately ordered the waiting transport and prepared for one hell of a space chase. 


	6. Child's Play (parts 9 and 10)

"Captain, unauthorized transport in progress. Deck five, section two." Tuvok reported.  
  
"Who?" Kathryn asked.  
  
"Linal, Captain. And someone else."  
  
"Find out who it is."  
  
Tuvok looked up, "Mr. Paris."  
  
Kathryn turned to Chakotay's shocked eyes, and then they both snapped their heads to the ship on the view screen, which had just jumped to warp. "Follow them." Chakotay ordered, the worry showing clearly in his voice.  
  
Voyager quickly matched the speed of the vessel, Kathryn stood up, "Hai-"  
  
"They're hailing us." Harry reported before she could get her sentence out.  
  
"On screen." Kathryn ordered, and saw Jarut's face appear on the view screen. She pulled herself up to her full height and felt Chakotay's presence at her side, "Why have you taken Tom? Send him back NOW." She said slowly and dangerously.  
  
Jarut smiled innocently, "You must be mistaken Captain, we wouldn't take your child."  
  
"Liar." Came Tom's voice over the viewscreen, making Jarut snap his head to the left and send evil looks to whoever was there.  
  
"Send him back or I shall be forced to disable your ship." Kathryn warned.  
  
"I'm sorry Capt-" Jarut was cut off when Tom came hurtling across the screen followed by two seven-foot guards. Jarut looked at them angrily, "WILL YOU CONTROL THE CHILD!?" he snapped and then turned back to Captain Janeway, "I'm sorry Captain, but we must examine this- Tom. He shows a rapidity in growth that is only prophesized in our holy books."  
  
Kathryn and Chakotay both had to physically stop their mouths from hitting the floor and Chakotay blinked, "You think Tom is something prophesized from your holy books?" Jarut nodded, "This is a misunderstanding, come back over here and we'll prove otherwise."  
  
Tom stopped running around the bridge of the other ship and landed in the seat behind Jarut and was pursued by the two guards who attempted to settle officially at the sides of the chairs. Tom frowned and squinted his eyes at the view screen, "Kotay? Kotay, will you get me out of here? I don't like it anymore, these guys are no fun."  
  
"Hold on Tom. We're doing our best." Chakotay reassured him.  
  
Jarut looked between the two and decided it was time to go, he looked at the Captain, "Goodbye Captain."  
  
Janeway watched as the ship jumped to warp in front of her. She spun to the pilot on duty, "Follow them."  
  
There was a hesitation, and she turned back to the helm in the moment when the ship should have hit warp. "Ensign?" she asked the helmsman.  
  
"They're refracting their warp signature ma'am, we've got a choice of five different courses- all leading in different directions." The Ensign said nervously.  
  
Chakotay swore under his breath and Kathryn tactfully ignored it, turning to Harry, "Is there any way we can pinpoint the actual course?"  
  
"Yes ma'am, but it'll take me about an hour to work it out."  
  
"You've got half an hour."  
  
"Yes ma'am." Harry said and got straight to work.  
  
*** Tom kicked against the force field again, and carried on kicking it rhythmically. This was the universe's most stupid force field, the universe's most stupid Sick Bay and the universe's least fun ship.  
  
The Doctor alien started walking up to him again and Tom rolled his eyes, this was WAY too easy. All he had to do was refuse to be poked and prodded and they'd stop. He hoped Chakotay would come and get him soon; they were way overdue for a play date.  
  
Tom heard the force field deactivate and prepared to tell the Doctor guy where to go, but Jarut approached him instead. Tom walked up to him, "I'm bored. I want to go home now."  
  
"I'm afraid that won't be happening Saraiac."  
  
"My name's Tom." He said frowning.  
  
"No it's not. You were prophesized to be a God. The elders said you would be a rapidly growing child who would gain superior powers as he matured. Then he would be a God and lead our people to glory."  
  
Tom didn't really understand most of the statement, something about him being God (which was wrong), having superior powers (which was wrong) and leading people to glory (no WAY! He was being a pilot!). Jarut was crazy, Tom decided. "But I'm none of those things. I just want to go back to Voyager."  
  
"Saraiac, you are a rapidly maturing young boy and, maybe you're not of our species, but you're different. You will stay with our people."  
  
"I'm NOT staying here." Tom turned and clambered back on his bed, crossing his legs and folding his arms, "You CAN'T poke me with all your medical stuff and keep me locked up. I don't like it and I won't help you. And I want to go back to Voyager, to 'Kotay and Kathy and Haz and 'Lana and."  
  
"Saraiac."  
  
"AND MY NAME'S TOM! Thomas Eugene Paris- Tom. It's not very hard." Tom yelled.  
  
Jarut sighed and re-activated the force field, "Finish the scans," he said to the Doctor, "then send him to my quarters, I'll give him a tour of the ship."  
  
"I don't WANT a tour of your stupid ship!"  
  
Jarut walked out.  
  
*** I stormed into my quarters full of anger, misery and frustration.  
  
I had been ordered to rest, I hadn't slept at all in the past three days. I suppose, looking at it rationally, I was becoming a serious hazard to the ship- with not knowing the difference between a planet and clear space and all. But I wasn't in the mood for being rational. I was in the mood for finding Tom.  
  
So it was sleep or be relieved of duty. I guessed a couple hours of sleep wouldn't hurt. Selfishly, I thought it would be relief to escape for a few hours. Reasonably I figured I'd be fresher to search for Tom when I woke up.  
  
Walking into my bedroom before I could stop myself, I felt a pang of insanity. I didn't have to tuck Tom in tonight; there was no Tom here to tuck in. I stood at the door watching the room for an immeasurable amount of time. I don't know whether the tears I felt burning my eyes were right or wrong, but they were there all the same.  
  
Tom's clothes were strewn across his unmade bed, and his padds were all in a huge cluttered pile on the floor. His baseball and glove rested on my nightstand and his red cap hung on one of the drawer handles. As I headed to sit down on the bed I almost flew over his disregarded sneakers, which lay haphazardly in the middle of the room. Tom's collection of posters from old movies and cartoons stared me down from the walls.  
  
At that moment I had never felt so alone.  
  
I reached into my pocket and curled my hand around the small carving Tom had given me. I ran my finger down the wolf's back from the rough hair between its alert ears to the curled silver and white tinted tail.  
  
And I told myself it was stupid. It was just Tom. Just a miniature version of Paris. But, when I allowed myself to be honest, there had always been something in that immature rebel that made my heart flip-flop. Ever since the Maquis when we would exchange smart-mouthed comments across the bridge to Voyager where we would do basically the same thing, I had always had a thing for that hotshot flyboy.  
  
And to think I would never see those blue eyes staring angrily at me again, never hear him sarcastically acknowledge my orders- that was devastating.  
  
I realize what you're probably thinking. My thing for Tom has been put off while he's been reverted to the state of a child, but he's still going to be the same guy when he grows up. And now we have a great friendship. Jeez, my closest friend is a six-year-old.  
  
I flopped backwards on the bed and brought my knees up so I was curled in a loose ball. Realizing I was lying on some soft, bumpy object I lifted the duvet up to find out what was sticking in my back. And I couldn't help but manage a sad smile at what I found. I pulled out a well-loved grey rabbit. The fuzzy bunny had one well-chewed ear and one well-held paw with a grubby pink underside. I clutched the rabbit tightly, wondering where Tom had acquired the toy. I certainly hadn't seen it before anywhere. Eventually I fell asleep, still holding the teddy and still racking my brains for ways we could find Tom again.  
  
*** Tom sat shaking on the bed in the quarters he been provided with. He'd been left alone in the quarters and he'd suddenly realised it was Friday. Usually he'd be curled up in the observation lounge with Chakotay, but Chakotay wasn't there and it was kind of scary all alone.  
  
He tried to curl up and snuggle into the bed, but he was still shaking and he couldn't sleep like that. Although Tom couldn't help shivering, he was overwhelmed and frightened. He could remember lots of things that his head told him had happened, but he couldn't actually remember doing them.  
  
Like being told that there was no point in having piano classes if he was going to hit a wrong note in front of important ambassadors.  
  
Like he wasn't good enough.  
  
Like it wasn't the place of a seven-year-old to question his punishment.  
  
Like there was no point in him being alive, he didn't mean anything to anybody.  
  
Tom sniffed back his tears. Dad had told him crying was a sign of weakness.  
  
*** "We've made a mistake." Jarut mused to his first officer, back to the Commander, facing the window.  
  
"Sir?"  
  
"Tom isn't Saraiac. He's too weak, too vacant, too defiant. He's the equivalent of eight years old, he's supposed to be showing at least some signs of leadership by now." He sighed, "We made a mistake in taking him from these Voyager people. We should take him back, but they'll surely destroy us."  
  
"What are we going to do Sir?"  
  
"I don't know Commander, I don't know."  
  
*** "Target their engines and fire Mr. Tuvok." Janeway rocked as Voyager was hit by another blast from Jarut's ship. She had no doubt that she was going to win. Voyager always won.  
  
"Captain!" Came Harry's excited, eager voice, "I've found him! I've got Tom!"  
  
"Beam him over. Commander, you have the Bridge, Tuvok you're with me. Break off the attack."  
  
"Captain." Chakotay said as she left the Bridge, without him. Why? She knew how much he needed to see Tom was okay. He stood up and looked to Harry, "Ensign, can you hold down the fort for a while?"  
  
"Um, aye Sir." Harry said nervously.  
  
Chakotay nodded a thanks and dove for the turbo-lift.  
  
*** On the way down Chakotay's Comm badge beeped, "Chakotay here."  
  
"Chakotay, I'm sorry. You should be here when we meet Tom. We're almost there now. Do you want to come down?"  
  
Chakotay looked at the walls of the turbo lift and smiled to himself, "Be right down ma'am."  
  
*** When Chakotay walked into the transporter room, Tom was backed up against the wall with Kathryn, Tuvok and the Doctor beckoning at him.  
  
"Mr. Paris, you really should be checked up." The Doctor said brandishing a tricorder.  
  
"I suggest the boy be put under guard against further attacks." Tuvok said calmly.  
  
"Tom, come here, we just want to make sure you're okay" Kathryn said softly, reaching out towards him.  
  
Tom eyes darted between his three friends, feeling confused and disorientated. Then his eyes came to rest on a person behind them all who'd just walked in. He took his chances and darted forwards through them all, "Kotay!"  
  
Chakotay picked up the running Tom and held him closely against his chest. Tom's arms wrapped tightly, reassuringly, around his shoulders and Chakotay rubbed his back soothingly whispering softly, "It's alright honey, I've got you now. Shh."  
  
Tom buried his face deep in his bestest friend's neck and felt warm tears of happiness falling down his cheeks. He could feel Chakotay rocking him gently and attempted to crawl under the man's skin, but he couldn't get any closer. It had been so long since he'd been home and he'd missed everything: Chakotay, the Holodeck, playing pool with Harry and everything else.  
  
Chakotay pushed Tom back from his chest a little and gazed into his eyes, which were a strange mixture of misery and happiness, "Tom." He whispered softly, "Are you okay?" Chakotay cringed, of course he wasn't okay. Tom had been trapped on that ship for his equivalent of almost two years.  
  
Tom rubbed his eyes and looked at Chakotay. He swallowed and lowered his voice so only he and Chakotay could hear, "Can I ask you something?" he asked, still clinging onto Chakotay tightly.  
  
"Of course you can honey." Chakotay nudged the tears off Tom's cheek with the back of his hand.  
  
"Don't, y-you're not going to let them take me again are you?"  
  
Chakotay's eyes filled with pain and he clutched Tom closer, "I didn't, I would never LET anyone take you baby. It was an accident and we've been trying to find you non-stop since, honey. We've all been worried about you Tom. I've missed you so much."  
  
Tom snuffled and nuzzled into Chakotay's embrace, "I've missed you loads too Kotay."  
  
Chakotay rocked Tom gently and saw Kathryn walk up behind them, she put a comforting hand on Tom's back and Tom jumped slightly. Tom's head whirled around, he identified Kathryn and gave her a small smile, leaning his head back onto Chakotay's shoulder. She looked at Chakotay, "We need to get him to Sick Bay for a physical, will he be okay to do that?"  
  
Not slackening his hold on Tom, Chakotay addressed him, "Are you okay to go to see the Doc, Tom?"  
  
"Do I have to?" he whispered.  
  
"Sometime."  
  
"If you'll come too." Tom said clutching at Chakotay's tunic and pleading silently with his blue eyes.  
  
Chakotay squeezed Tom's hand, "I'm not leaving you again." He said sincerely, beginning to leave the transporter room.  
  
Kathryn put a hand on Chakotay's shoulder, "We'll transport you there. You're off duty until Tom's alright again."  
  
Chakotay smiled a thanks and felt himself shimmer out of the room.  
  
*** Tom was still clutching me tightly when we arrived in Sick Bay. I was determined to make this visit as short as possible. Tom didn't like Sick Bay anyway and I wasn't going to put him through it for longer than needed when he was this miserable.  
  
I managed to sit him down on the bio bed with him satisfied to virtually break my hand with his hold on it, while the Doctor ran a tricorder up and down him. When he was done Tom immediately scrambled into my lap and swung his arms around my waist. I wrapped my arm around the child and let him hide in my embrace.  
  
Two minutes later the Doctor walked up to us, tricorder in hand, "Tom is only suffering from slight bruising to his right side, I can't detect any more problems. However," he shut the tricorder, "I fear that the psychological damage inflicted might not be so easy to cure" he said running a regenerator up and down Tom's side.  
  
"I know." I said softly, "He'll be okay though. Won't you Tom?"  
  
Tom nodded into my chest, and I could feel the uncertainty in that one movement. He was just as unsure as I was to whether things would ever be the same again.  
  
"We're going home now." I told the Doctor, ordering a transport for us. "Anything you want me to do?"  
  
He shook his head, "Just bring him in for another check up in a few days."  
  
I nodded and looked to the Doctor. For all everyone complained about his bad bedside manner and his annoying personality, he really wasn't such an insensitive hologram. I transported us to our quarters and carried Tom to the bedroom, sitting him down. I helped him change into his pyjamas and tucked him in, Tom watching me all the time with his distant blue eyes. He pulled me so I was close to him again, not seeming to want to leave the home he had built in my arms. He eventually dropped off and I pulled away from him gently. I walked back out to the living area, leaving the lights on low and the door open, Tom didn't need to feel alone tonight.  
  
*** About half an hour after Tom had fallen asleep, Chakotay was interrupted from his reading by the sound of soft padding of feet into the room. Tom stood looking at Chakotay sleepily, one hand rubbing his eye and the other clutching his bunny's paw, "I can't sleep." He said softly and Chakotay thought he may have detected some apprehension in Tom's voice, and he took a moment to analyse it.  
  
Tom picked up on the hesitation and figured Chakotay would be just as mad with his midnight wanderings as Jarut had been the night he had regained his memories. Jarut had been mad when Tom had sought out comfort for his recollections, saying it was no place for a potential leader to be scared of a few bad memories. He quickly stepped back a little, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you, I-"  
  
Tom was cut off as Chakotay's arms surrounded him and brought him up to be cradled. "Shush honey." He smiled, rocking Tom. "You know, you're getting to be too big for me to pick up." Then he paused and glanced into the blue depths, "Don't ever be sorry for coming to me. You know you can talk to me about anything, anytime." He waited until Tom snuggled down into him trustingly, "Now, what's wrong?"  
  
Tom paused as Chakotay sat on the sofa and positioned him on his knee, covering them both with his blanket, which was now in permanent residence on the couch. Tom turned to Chakotay, "I just can't sleep, there's something bugging me that I want to ask you." Tom looked up.  
  
"Ask me." Chakotay said turning Tom to face him and wrapping his arms around the nervous child.  
  
Tom swallowed and looked into Chakotay's eyes, "Am I, um, is there, um" Tom sighed, closed his eyes and focused, "Kotay, do you mind me being here? I mean, d-do I bug you?"  
  
Chakotay tightened his grip and shook his head, "No. No way. Tom you don't bug me and I love having you here. Whatever gave you that idea?"  
  
"It's just, it was a Friday- and you know how stuff comes to me then? - Well I-I remembered my Dad telling me that I was worthless. A-and that I didn't mean anything to anybody, and that I'd never be good enough for anything."  
  
"Oh Gods Tom. You mean something to me and everybody else on this ship, and don't you ever forget that. I can't believe he'd say something like that to his own son." Chakotay looked deep into Tom's detached eyes, "Honey, you are NOT worthless, you contribute a lot to this ship, especially in holodeck creation terms." He stroked Tom's hair, "Nothing he says can make a difference between us. And it won't affect anybody else. Don't believe it Tom." Chakotay smiled gently, "We're best friends, right?"  
  
Tom nodded, his eyes showing a vague trace of sparkle.  
  
"And best friends don't believe bad things they hear about each other without making sure it's true. And in this case it is most definitely not true. Okay?"  
  
"'Kay." Tom said quietly cuddling into Chakotay. He felt incredibly relieved, it was so good to be home and have everything sorted out. Chakotay could always stop him feeling scared and alone. He buried himself in Chakotay's arms, he was sleepy and he felt safe here. Maybe Chakotay wouldn't mind him staying here on the couch tonight.  
  
Chakotay looked down at the bunny, which was crushed between him and Tom, and he pulled its head out so that it wasn't in an unnatural position, petting it gently. Tom looked up at Chakotay with such a disbelieving look in his eyes that Chakotay laughed softly, "What's his name Tom?"  
  
Tom ducked, blushing, "Bugs." He mumbled.  
  
Chakotay smiled, "Where did Bugs come from?"  
  
Tom looked up at his best friend's face, finding no mockery (unlike Naomi who had laughed even though Tom knew she had loads of teddies) "Neelix took me to some guy's quarters and said I could have anything I wanted from there. I don't know who's it was, but I found Bugs under the bed and I kept him because he looks exactly the same as the Bugs I had back home." Tom paused, playing with Bugs' long floppy ear, "Do you know whose quarters it was?"  
  
Chakotay smiled, silently thanking Neelix for his good idea, which seemed to be going a long way to comfort Tom, "No. But I'm sure the person wanted you to look after Bugs."  
  
Tom hugged Bugs closer to him, "I will."  
  
Chakotay lay down keeping Tom, who was still trembling slightly, in his arms, "Get some sleep now honey."  
  
Tom nodded and closed his eyes, "Night Kotay."  
  
Chakotay ordered the lights out and tightened his hold on Tom, "Goodnight Tom. It's good to have you home." He said softly, squeezing him goodnight.  
  
*** I opened my eyes to find Tom and Bugs curled up sleeping on my lap. I sighed. I couldn't believe what Tom had told me. How could his father say something like that to his own son? It was horrific. And to have Tom remember it when I wasn't even there to help him, shit no wonder he was so frightened.  
  
Tom didn't stop trembling until he fell asleep in my arms the previous night. Even then I'd wake during the night to him shaking, having nightmares. So when morning came and he was calmly dozing , I was eager to let him sleep peacefully for as long as possible.  
  
Soon, however, natural urges presented themselves and I found myself untangling from Tom and heading for the bathroom.  
  
When I returned Tom was sitting up, sleepily rubbing his eyes. I smiled and walked over to sit next to him, "Good morning. How are you?"  
  
He leaned into me, nuzzling his head into my neck, and mumbled, "I'm okay. I thought you'd left me."  
  
I swung my arm around him, "I've been here all night." I reassured Tom. I glanced down at him, "Breakfast?"  
  
Tom smiles slightly, "Yes please."  
  
I walked over to the replicator and ordered his usual breakfast which, with Tom's proportions, is syrup with pancakes hidden somewhere inside. I glanced over at Tom who was fiddling with invisible threads on Bugs. He'd changed. Maybe it wouldn't be permanent, but for now Tom had lost his sunshine.  
  
I brought over Tom's food and handed him a plate, keeping my version, which had slightly less syrup. I sat down across from Tom and we elapsed into a very eerie and unusual silence. Things are NEVER quiet between Tom and I. After a while Tom looked up at me, "What are you doing today?"  
  
I could see his masked hope underneath the seemingly innocent question and reassured him with a smile, "I'm not on shift, so we can spend the day doing whatever you want."  
  
Tom smiled gratefully, and shovelled up a syrup-covered piece of pancake, "Could we maybe head over to the holodeck? Then Sandrine's? I missed going to those places." Tom asked quietly.  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Janeway to Chakotay."  
  
I stood up and grabbed my Comm badge, tapping the channel open, "Chakotay here."  
  
"Commander, could you and Tom please come to the briefing room? The leader from Jarut's world is here, so is Jarut."  
  
I could sense the irritation and the silent apology in her voice and looked to Tom. He met my gaze and I could see him pale slightly, "We'll be there in five minutes Captain. Chakotay out."  
  
I looked towards Tom who was now shaking slightly, "You're not going to give me back are you Kotay?"  
  
"No way honey. They probably just want to tie up a few loose ends." I assure him. "You going to go get dressed? Or are you planning on visiting Captain Janeway in your pyjamas?"  
  
Tom laughed nervously at the thought and headed into the bedroom.  
  
*** We walked up the corridors, Tom clinging tightly to my hand, towards the briefing room. As we neared the door I crouched down to Tom, "You don't have to go through with this you know."  
  
Tom took a deep breath and fumbled with the hem of his white sweater. I could see him thinking hard, obviously weighing up the pros and cons of doing this. He eventually looked up and his determined, if a little apprehensive, blue eyes met mine, "I want to do it Kotay. I have to see them again."  
  
I squeezed Tom's hand and we walked into the briefing room to silence and stares.  
  
*** Kathryn turned her head when Chakotay and Tom walked in. She smiled tiredly at Chakotay, conveying her feelings of frustration in the look that passed between them. She saw Tom looked nervous and she didn't blame him. She had debated whether or not to put him through this, but justice had to be done.  
  
Kathryn zoomed through the formalities with the experience of her Captaincy- introducing her first officer to the leader of Jarut's race; Shakiena, Layton; Jarut's defence lawyer and the two K'Tra security officers that flanked Jarut. She explained the situation: Shakiena needed evidence and Tom's permission to prosecute Jarut for kidnapping and possibly physical abuse. So Tom would have to be questioned by Layton.  
  
Tom perched on a chair next to Chakotay and knelt up so he could see over the table. He met eyes with Jarut and cocked his head in surprise. He'd remembered Jarut as a monster, with evil green eyes and a snarling mouth, but this man met him with an apologetic smile and bright eyes.  
  
Layton stood up and paced the table's length, hoping for dramatic effect and maybe to intimidate the small boy. But Tom seemed fascinated with staring at his client. "Excuse me? Tom?" he prompted to get Tom's attention. The child blinked and turned to Layton with a strange look on his face, "Tell me how you were taken from this ship."  
  
"Well, I was playing in the holodeck-with my new pet. He's called Speckle and he's real cute and he was given to me by-"  
  
Chakotay smiled a little, "Tom, honey, stick to the story."  
  
"Oh. Sorry." Tom looked back to Layton, "Well I was playing and, um, Linal stuck something on me and transported me off Voyager."  
  
"So you were taken against your will?" Layton said, locking eyes with Tom across the table.  
  
"Yeah, I guess so."  
  
"Are you sure about that? Did you not WANT to see the K'Tra ship? Maybe you stowed away after a visit."  
  
Chakotay was just ready to punch Layton, but Tom sighed maturely, "I would have wanted to see the ship, yeah. But I didn't want to go just then. I wanted to play on the holodeck. And I didn't want to STAY with them, I like it here. I like it with Kotay and Haz and Kathy and Lana and everyone, I would never want to leave Voyager. I think it's the best ship ever."  
  
"On board, did-"  
  
Layton was cut off when Jarut put a hand up, "Don't. I want the truth told, not a twisted half-lie." He sighed, "Yes, I did take Tom against his own will. That, however, was how it was prophesised in our scripts. Saraiac would come from a strange ship as a child and we would have to teach him the ways of our world. But I admit, I made a mistake, I should be punished."  
  
Shakiena stood up and nodded to Captain Janeway, "I see it is sorted then, Captain. Jarut will be punished. He shall be placed in a holding cell for five years. On behalf of the K'Tra, I apologise."  
  
Tom watched as the security team escorted Jarut towards the door, accompanied by Shakiena and a very sombre-looking Layton. Something inside Tom started and he quickly jumped up, "Wait!"  
  
The whole party turned around and stared at Tom. Tom swallowed at looked at Shakiena, "Don't, I don't want Jarut to go to jail. H-he just made a mistake, he didn't hurt me or anything. He was real nice, actually. I just didn't want to be there, that's all. Please, don't punish him for something he didn't mean to do."  
  
Chakotay looked across at Tom. The nine-year-old looked incredibly mature; meeting Shakiena's eyes seriously. Shakiena turned to Captain Janeway, "The victim does have a say in whether the accused is punished or not."  
  
Kathryn looked to Tom, "Your call."  
  
"No. I don't want Jarut to be punished." Tom said without hesitation.  
  
Shakiena nodded the guards away and Jarut smiled at Tom, "Thank you. I think I was wrong about you. You would make an impressive leader."  
  
Tom shrugged, "I don't want to be a leader. I want to fly."  
  
Kathryn exchanged a smile with Chakotay as she escorted the K'Tra off the ship.  
  
*** As Kathryn and the K'Tra left, Tom relaxed back on his chair and let out a deep breath. He turned to Chakotay, who had stayed behind, "Are you mad at me?" he asked softly.  
  
"No." Chakotay helped Tom up onto his knee and turned the boy to faced him, "I'm really proud of you honey. I think you did the right thing. You don't regret it do you?"  
  
Tom shook his head, "Just kind of glad it's all over now." He paused and glanced into Chakotay's eyes, "It is over, right?"  
  
"Yes. Right now all you've got to worry about is fairies and whether you're actually ever going to play pool properly."  
  
Chakotay was rewarded with a happy, sunny Tom Paris smile. He sighed gratefully. Tom was back to normal. 


	7. Child's Play (part 11)

"I don't wanna."  
  
I laughed at Tom's stuck out lip, he was so cute when he pouted. Those pleading blue eyes were dangerous though, I'd learnt to stay away from their talents. "Tom, I have to work."  
  
"I can help ya work, Kotay!" he smiled at me, "I'll watch all the people on the bridge an' you can do your PADDs and stuff."  
  
Sighing, I rounded the corner, "Tom, you can't come on the bridge today."  
  
"Why not?" he demanded, folding his arms.  
  
"Just because."  
  
"Dumb reason." Tom mumbled under his breath.  
  
"Commander?"  
  
I turned around to see Ensign Harrison smiling brightly at me, "Yes, Ensign?" I replied, switching to 'Commander mode'.  
  
However, the 'Commander mode' was completely ruined by Tom's loud, "Hiya, Jenny!" he wriggled out of my arms and looked up at Harrison, "Kotay's bein' mean to me this morning. Guess what?"  
  
"What?" she laughed.  
  
"He's makin' me stay with the Doctor."  
  
The expression on Ensign Harrison's face was hilarious: she was obviously torn between the irresistible ministrations of Tom Paris and not wanting to say anything against her senior officer. Eventually she smiled gently at Tom, "I'm sure he has his reasons."  
  
Tom let out a loud moan, "Growed ups are all the same." He stated firmly.  
  
Trying not to grin too widely, I addressed Harrison, "What can I do for you, Ensign?"  
  
"Well, I wanted to just show you some research I've been doing on enhancing the propulsion system, but if you're busy with Tom."  
  
"He's not." Tom interrupted, eyes sparkling with the prospect of avoiding the Doc for a few precious minutes.  
  
I laughed, "Tom, why don't you make your own way to sickbay?"  
  
It was possible to see every single escape scenario running through Tom's small mind as he considered that suggestion. A slow smile spread across his face and I knew he'd latched onto the escape haven of the holodeck, "Sure, Kotay." He turned on his heel and began walking down the corridor.  
  
"Hey, Cadet!" I called, making him turn around, "This is an official assignment from your commanding officer. I wouldn't want there to be anything bad on your record."  
  
Tom pouted yet again and stormed off in the direction of sickbay.  
  
*** "Hi!" Tom said brightly, catching up to the tall man in front of him, "I don't know you. I'm Tom."  
  
"I know who you are." The man muttered, carrying straight on.  
  
Tom blinked, then shrugged and caught up with him again, "Who are you?"  
  
The man stopped and bent down to Tom's level, "Listen, Paris."  
  
"Cool, you *do* know me then."  
  
"There are some of us on this ship who *don't* like you. We don't like the grown up you, and we don't like the baby you. So stay out of my face." He snarled.  
  
Tom frowned at the nasty man, "I haven't done nothing wrong!"  
  
"Not yet you haven't, Paris. But you will, and we'll all hate you for it."  
  
Shocked, Tom felt tears pricking the back of his eyes, but he shot back, "I'm not gonna do nothing wrong. An' even if I do, Kotay won't hate me!"  
  
"He will." The man laughed evilly, "That's the ironic thing. *Kotay* will be the one who hates you the most!"  
  
Tom stood, fixed to the spot by the man's cruel words. He managed to choke out a soft, "He won't."  
  
"Then why does he drop you off at babysitters everyday? Because he hates having you around, Paris. He stays as late as he can at work every single day to avoid you. The only reason he's even letting you stay in his quarters is because he wants to get in favour with the Captain. You're nothing to him, Paris, in whatever form."  
  
Watching the man walk away, Tom was torn, hurt and confused. What did he do now? His strongest instinct was to run into Chakotay's arms, but what if that man was right? His argument sounded pretty convincing. Tom stumbled forwards, on with his original path.  
  
*** "You're finally here, are you?" The Doctor asked the small blonde exasperatedly, "Honestly, this is getting ridiculous. I'm a Doctor, not a babysitter. I shouldn't have to spend an inordinate amount of time watching a small child." he noticed the boy's forlorn expression and decided maybe he had been a little too harsh, ".who can obviously take care of himself."  
  
Tom offered the Doc a small smile at the attempt and lay back on one of the biobeds, staring at the ceiling.  
  
The Doctor frowned at the unusually subdued nine-year old, "Are you okay, Tom?"  
  
"Fine." Tom said flatly, "I'm just tired, Doc."  
  
"Oh. Okay then."  
  
*** This sucked, Tom decided. He needed to get out somewhere where he could be on his own and think. It didn't help with the Doc asking him stuff every two seconds, he was trying to figure out why everything had suddenly taken a turn for the worse.  
  
Tom supposed this should have been expected. Bad stuff always happened to him. Somehow, whenever things were good, the bad things weren't too far behind.  
  
He looked towards the Doc, who was busy doing some medical thing Tom didn't understand properly. Sliding off the bed, Tom removed the Comm badge he had been assigned with and, dumping it on the biobed, headed out of sickbay.  
  
*** "You WHAT!?"  
  
"I can't be expected to keep my eye on him the whole time, I'm a Doctor, not a."  
  
"You say that one more time and I swear I'll."  
  
"Thank you, Doctor." Kathryn cut off the Comm link and turned to me, "Chakotay, it's okay."  
  
"No, it's not! Tom could be anywhere!"  
  
Kathryn dragged me down onto the sofa, and took my hand, "Tom has been out on his own before. He's nine-years old, he knows his way around the ship, he probably just wanted some time away from the Doctor- he's wanted that before."  
  
"But he called me first!" I protested, "Maybe there's something wrong with him." I fretted, anything could happen to Tom! What if he had got lost and scared? What if he was hurt? I should have stayed with him.  
  
Kathryn smiled at me in her Captainly way that always made me feel as though I was overreacting, like she could control anything in the universe. "Chakotay, how long can *you* stand being around the Doctor without taking a substantial break?"  
  
I smiled a little, "Point taken. But I'm still worried about him." Sighing, I ran a hand through my hair, "Can I take the day out to find him? I've got 34 people not wearing their Comm badge."  
  
"Sure."  
  
*** "Chakotay?"  
  
I looked up to see Kathryn walking into my office with a frown on her face. I did not need a distraction, the location of Tom was still a mystery, and the pounding in my chest was increasing... "Oh, hi."  
  
"You haven't located him yet?"  
  
I shook my head, "We're down to 23 people who could be Tom- they're not wearing their Comm badges."  
  
She shook her head, "Chakotay, sometimes you don't think with the powers of command." She tapped her Comm badge, "Janeway to all personnel- all crewmen not wearing their Comm badge- please put it on now for the next two minutes. Janeway out."  
  
I smiled up at her, why do I never think of these things? I watched the number of lifeforms not wearing a Comm badge drop rapidly to just one. Why the hell hadn't I figured this out before?  
  
The one place Tom Paris would go when he needed to be around familiar, liked surroundings?  
  
Shuttle bay one.  
  
*** "Cool." Tom breathed when he saw the shuttle. He ran his hand wondrously over the outer paint work, and came around to the entrance. Locked. He stood on his tiptoes and punched in a few random codes. To his surprise, it opened immediately to his usual privacy lock.  
  
Tom walked into the shuttle and curled up in the orange pilot's chair. He let his mind go blank of everything else as he imagined what it would be like to fly that shuttle. He'd flown other shuttles with his Uncle, but nothing like this one. Tom bet that if he could design a shuttle, he'd design it just like this one. Except he'd have huge firing boosters on the side that shot out huge flames when they were switched on and launched you halfway across the galaxy. Yeah, that was the only change he would make. So he could fly anywhere he wanted.  
  
*** Chakotay stormed into the shuttle bay and searched the room for the small blonde. The only shuttle that was lit up was the Delta Flyer, and he made his way quickly over to that one, ready to yell at the little boy who had caused him so much worry.  
  
But the site he met with caused all his anger to fade away. A small nine- year old was snuggled up at the helm of what may as well be his shuttle, sleeping soundly. Chakotay noticed that Tom's thumb was tucked in his mouth, the little boy only did that when he felt scared and lonely. Sighing, Chakotay wandered over and lifted Tom up into his arms, sitting back down in the chair and arranging Tom in his embrace.  
  
Tom snuffled a little and his troubled sapphire eyes opened. He looked up, "Oh, hey, Kotay." He whispered miserably.  
  
Sighing again, Chakotay ran his hands though Tom's hair, knowing that there was something wrong with the child- he didn't need yelling at right now. He had honestly expected Tom to have run away from the Doctor on a search for the shuttles. He thought Tom would be ecstatic at finding this stash of the vehicles he loved so much. Chakotay stroked a hand across Tom's cheek, "Hi. Tom, do you want to tell me why you came here?"  
  
Tom looked into Chakotay's eyes. What if that man was right? What if Kotay didn't want him around? That was probably why Kotay wasn't mad with him for running away, he was happy to be without Tom. But, still, that didn't explain why Kotay came after him. Maybe Kathy made him. Tom shrugged, "Just wanted to look around."  
  
"Hey," Chakotay met the blonde's gaze, "I've known you long enough to know that there's something else beside your mischievous nature behind this. So, come on, spill."  
  
Tom shrugged, "It's nothin', Kotay."  
  
"Nothing?" Chakotay raised and eyebrow, "Tom, I'm here for you if there's anything you want to talk about. Anything, Tom, it doesn't matter."  
  
"Anythin'?" Tom bit his lip. "Kotay, if I ask you somethin' would you answer honestly no matter what?"  
  
"Yes." Chakotay said sincerely, "I don't lie, Tom."  
  
Tom nodded, and asked quietly, "Kotay, do you hate me?"  
  
"*Hate* you?" Chakotay blinked, reaching out to stroke Tom's hair, "NO! Tom, how have you reached that conclusion? I don't hate you, Tom. I could never hate you."  
  
"P'omise?" Tom said softly.  
  
"I promise!" Chakotay exclaimed, "Tell me what put this in your head."  
  
Smiling with relief, Tom snuggled his way into Kotay's familiar chest. "A man told me." Tom said softly, "He said you hated me an' you only k'aftered me coz you wanted to look good to Captain Janey."  
  
Chakotay's eyes widened and his voice took on an angry edge, "What? Who?" He saw Tom tremble a little at his anger and cursed himself for forgetting the blonde's sensitivity. "Honey, I'm not mad at you." He soothed softly, "I just want to get this guy. Do you know who he is?"  
  
Tom shrugged, "I didn't know who he was."  
  
"What did he look like?"  
  
"Black hair, kinda tall." Tom said, "Kotay, can we just forget about it?"  
  
Chakotay squeezed Tom to his chest, "Tom, this man said things about me that aren't true, things that hurt you. I want to discipline him so that he'll never ever come near you again."  
  
Tom shrugged again, deciding to change the topic, "This shuttle's cool," he whispered, "It's the best one I've ever seen. I like it."  
  
Smiling, Chakotay looked around at Tom's shuttle, "Yeah, I guess it is pretty 'you'."  
  
"What's she called?" Tom breathed.  
  
"The Delta Flyer."  
  
"Cool. The Delta Flyer." Tom said admiringly, "Have you ever flied it?" Tom asked curiously, sitting so that he was still on Chakotay's lap, but gazing up into the older man's eyes, "Huh? Have you, Kotay? Can ya take me flying in it?"  
  
Chakotay laughed. The older Tom was still way too possessive of his new toy to let anybody else near the Delta Flyer's helm. "No, I haven't flown her yet, Tom. Maybe we should take her out for a little spin."  
  
"What? Now?"  
  
"Sure." Chakotay smiled and lifted Tom off his lap, "I'll just go check with the Captain. Meanwhile," he brought up some data, "you can look through these crew profiles and tell me if you see the guy that told you all that rubbish about me."  
  
"Kotay."  
  
"For me?" Chakotay smiled when Tom rolled his eyes and began flicking through the files.  
  
*** "Him." Tom whispered, "It was him."  
  
I glanced over Tom's shoulder and bit down on my lip- I should have known he'd be trouble. Dalby. "I'll take care of him."  
  
"NO!" Tom suddenly swung round at me, "Kotay, I don't want you to! I can take care of myself! Now I know that he was a liar I can just ignore him, can't I?"  
  
"Tom." I sighed at the little boy, "Dalby shouldn't have said all those things. They were cruel lies, and you're just a child."  
  
"Please, Kotay?" Tom turned around and stood up on the pilot's chair, so that he was my height. He put his arms around my neck, "Don't tell him off, I don't want everyone to hate me for being a tattletale."  
  
"A tattletale?" I asked, confused.  
  
"They won't like me for snitching." Tom said softly, "S'happened before, Kotay. I don't want it to happen again, I can take care of myself." He dropped his voice to a shakey whisper, "Daddy said no-one likes a tattletale."  
  
I sighed at him; there was so much Tom had been through and was going through that I didn't even know about. So many bad things, so many horrible things, and I was powerless to stop anything else coming from his other life. This was why I felt so strongly about maiming Dalby. Maybe I couldn't do anything about Tom's first life, but I sure as hell could make his second life as easy as possible.  
  
I put my arms around him in an attempt to stop the shaking, "No one will hate you, Tom."  
  
Tom simply closed his eyes and begged desperately "Please, Kotay?"  
  
"Fine." I resigned, seeing how much this was bothering him and not wanting to add to the trauma, "But you've got to promise that, if it happens again, the first thing you do is come and get me, okay? I was worried about you."  
  
"Okay. I'm sorry." Tom smiled a little at me, "Can we go flying now?"  
  
I smiled at him, "Sure. But only for a little while, and we'll be chasing Voyager at warp, she can't stop and wait for us to have a play."  
  
"Okay." Tom grinned at me.  
  
*** I watched Tom watching me intently. His gaze rested on my fingers on the conn and he whispered, "Kotay, you're slowing us down."  
  
"What?"  
  
He sighed business-like and clambered up into my lap, "You're putting too much power on your left impulse thruster."  
  
"Tom, we're at warp, the impulse thrusters aren't even on."  
  
Tom shook his head, "You keep comp.com." he looked to me for help.  
  
"Compensating?"  
  
"Yeah, compensating. You keep compensating coz we're drifting to the right, yeah?"  
  
"Yes." I sighed, "But that's only because the right warp thruster is a little sluggish."  
  
Tom shook his head again and brought up a display, "Nope. Look, they're aligned. It's coz your left impulse thruster is still burning a little. See?" he tapped up another display, "It's only 0.13%, but it's knocking us off course and slowing us down."  
  
I checked the read-outs and laughed a little, "You're right." I grinned, "How'd you get to know that?"  
  
Tom shrugged, "I just do. The energy output wasn't the same as the input, and I thought that might be it."  
  
I smiled at the pilot in Tom, "In that case, smart ass, would you like to fly her for a while?"  
  
"Are you serious, Kotay? Can I?" he spun around and grinned happily at me.  
  
"Sure." I took my hands off the conn and put Tom's on it, "It's all yours, buddy. Why don't you drop us out of warp? Then you can practice whatever you want. You can catch up with Voyager later."  
  
Tom grinned and pulled us out of warp, proceeding to go through a series of complex manoeuvres and stunts- some of which I would find difficult. "You're pretty good at that, Tom, who taught you?"  
  
"My Uncle, mostly." Tom said, "But some things I can teach myself from displays." He frowned, "How did I know that?"  
  
I leant my head on his shoulder, looking out the viewscreen and decided that Tom was way too happy to be having this conversation right now. "Just fly, Cadet." I said softly.  
  
Tom giggled and straightened a little, he deepened his voice to, what I assumed, was his impression of an adult, "Where to, Commander?"  
  
"Wherever you like, Cadet. Wherever you like." *** "So, I'm told you flew pretty well today, Tom." Kathryn smiled at Tom, who was sitting in Chakotay's lap, looking sleepy from the day's flying.  
  
Tom beamed as he remembered his hours at the helm, completely uninterrupted by Chakotay. The Commander seemed to be okay with just watching over his flying, never taking over when he thought things might get tricky. Chakotay just helped him through the hard parts. Tom snuggled back into his bestest friend, "Kotay said so, didn't you, Kotay?"  
  
"I did. You can fly very well, Tom." Chakotay shared a smile with Kathryn.  
  
"I wanna be a pilot when I get growed up." Tom said softly, "Do ya reckon I can be one?"  
  
Chakotay smiled back down at Tom, "Sure you can, Tom. You can do anything."  
  
Tom grinned happily, his life was back to normal. He turned around to Chakotay, "Can I go and get a drink, Kotay?"  
  
"Sure you can." Chakotay smiled and watched Tom scamper off towards the bar.  
  
Kathryn shook her head and laughed, "That little boy is definitely Tom Paris." She looked up at Chakotay and asked curiously, "Was he really as good as you say at flying?"  
  
"Oh yeah." Chakotay smiled at her, sipping at his drink, "I didn't think it was possible for a child his age to be at such a high standard." He sighed softly, "He's amazing."  
  
*** "Hey, Paris, I think I was in front of you."  
  
Tom turned around to see that mean man behind him- Dalby? Tom frowned, "No you weren't! I'm next! You're jus' pushing!"  
  
"*Move*, Paris."  
  
"NO! My name's TOM!"  
  
Dalby laughed, "Whatever, Paris, now move."  
  
"NO!" Tom shook his head, "Guess what? Kotay really don't hate me, you were lyin'!" He moved back towards the bar, "An' I was first and it's not nice to push."  
  
"I wouldn't start with me, Paris." Dalby snarled, "You couldn't cope with me before, you won't be able to now." he growled, not noticing how silent the room was, "Trust me, Commander Chakotay hates you."  
  
"Does NOT! You're a liar and you're mean an' I bet you got no friends coz you're so nasty." He turned on his heel towards the bar, but was stopped by a hand on his collar, pulling him back around.  
  
"Yeah, well if Commander Chakotay can't see what a brat you are, then he's just an idiot."  
  
"KOTAY'S NOT AN IDIOT! He's my bestest friend, an' I bet he don't like you. I don't bet anyone likes you."  
  
"You just crossed the line, Paris. Us Maquis don't appreciate little shits like you." Dalby said, tightening his hold on Tom's collar.  
  
Tom frowned and stamped his foot down on the man's toe just as Chakotay's fist connected with Dalby's nose. Tom's eyes widened and he looked up slowly from Dalby's crumpled body to Chakotay, who was shaking his sore hand and meeting his gaze. A slow smile spread across Tom's face and he whispered incredulously, "Kotay, you're gonna get in trouble! You're not supposed to hit people!"  
  
Grinning, Chakotay shrugged, "And you're not supposed to stand on people's toes." He stepped over Dalby's body and lifted Tom up into his arms, "I don't tolerate people hurting you."  
  
Tom leant his head on Chakotay's shoulder, "I don't like people callin' you names, Kotay. I love you."  
  
Chakotay hugged Tom tightly, "I love you, too."  
  
Chakotay was kind of shocked at the protective nature that had come out in him. He never expected to care that much about Paris. But as soon as he saw Dalby snarling at the little boy, he was overcome by a sudden urge to punch Dalby into another world. He hadn't even cared about the consequences.  
  
Hearing Tom defend him also touched him deeply. The little boy had stood up to big, intimidating Dalby and defended *him*. Chakotay tightened his hold on Tom, and whispered, "Thank you for standing up for me, Tom."  
  
Tom grinned widely, "Anytime, Kotay."  
  
"Boys?" Kathryn said from behind them. She watched the pair turn around, seeing two incredibly guilty looking faces. "I'd just like to say that if Dalby wasn't being so insubordinate and if I didn't want to do the same thing, you would both be in the brig right now."  
  
"I'm sorry," Chakotay whispered, "he was just."  
  
"I know." Kathryn said softly, "You okay, Tom?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine." Tom said, with a smile on his face as he watched Dalby being escorted to the brig, "Did you see Kotay hit him, Kathy? That was so cool!" Tom hugged Chakotay, "He fell right to the floor!!!"  
  
"Yes." Kathryn said, trying not to smile, "Tom, weren't you sleepy before?"  
  
"Kinda." Tom shrugged.  
  
Chakotay took this hint- this little boy had had enough action for one day. "Come on then, Tom, let's get you to bed. Say goodnight to Kathryn."  
  
"Night, Kathy." Tom said softly.  
  
"Goodnight, Tom, sleep well." Kathryn whispered, "Night, Chakotay."  
  
*** Chakotay dumped Tom in his bed and laughed when Tom growled and dove right back at him. He play-fought with the small blonde for a while and then finished the boy off by tickling him within an inch of his life, "You want me to stop?" He grinned.  
  
"No!" Tom yelled, and then threw his head back, giggling wildly as Chakotay's fingers attacked again. "Kay!" He laughed, "Stop! Kotay!"  
  
Chakotay stopped and looked down at the breathless child, "You gonna get ready for bed?"  
  
Tom nodded and scampered into the bathroom to change and get ready, running out in record time and, laughing, launching himself into Chakotay's arms. He snuggled into the man's neck, "Hey, you really don't hate me, Kotay."  
  
"I know." Chakotay laughed a little, "Have you only just figured that out, Tom?"  
  
Tom shrugged, "After what that guy said I wasn't too sure, but now I know!" he hugged Chakotay, "You're so great, Kotay!"  
  
Laughing Chakotay threw Tom under the covers, "You're pretty great too, Tom Paris. Goodnight."  
  
"Night, Kotay."  
  
*** "It'll be fun."  
  
"Fun? Living with a hyperactive, excited Tom Paris? Kathryn, have you MET that child? He'll excite himself to death. I don't think it's even possible to get more hyper."  
  
"Well then you've nothing to worry about Chakotay. Most of the crew celebrate Christmas anyway. And you can't tell Tom to just forget his holiday."  
  
"I guess not."  
  
"Then it looks like you'll be playing Santa Claus."  
  
"Who?"  
  
*** 


	8. Child's Play (parts 12 and 13)

Tom found himself bouncing along the corridor more like a toddler than the ten-year-old he was. "Tell me Kotay!"  
  
"No."  
  
"You ALWAYS do this."  
  
"And YOU always jump up and down until you find out. Why do you think bouncing will help?"  
  
"I'm excited! I want to know!"  
  
"Would it still be a surprise if you knew?"  
  
"No, but-" Tom stopped, thinking of an argument.  
  
Chakotay laughed, "Two more corridors and you'll know."  
  
"So it's in our quarters?"  
  
"Well figured out genius." Chakotay said sarcastically.  
  
"You do know it's too early for Christmas presents don't you? We've a whole four days to go. I haven't even GOT yours yet."  
  
"Oh, I'm getting one am I?" Chakotay teased.  
  
"Course. Why wouldn't you be?"  
  
"Didn't think I was fully appreciated as your personal slave."  
  
Tom giggled, "You're not my slave."  
  
"Could've fooled me." Chakotay stopped outside their quarters and turned to Tom, "Wanna go in? Or shall we go to the holodeck instead?"  
  
"KOTAY!"  
  
Chakotay laughed, it was too easy to wind Tom up. He opened the door and watched Tom's eyes widen as he ran in. The twinkle in Tom's eyes brightened and his smile grew as he spun back around to face Chakotay, "Kotay, it's fantastic!" Tom threw his arms around Chakotay's waist, "There's something missing though."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
Tom looked up and nodded, "Yeah, decorations. All Christmas trees have decorations."  
  
Chakotay pulled out two cardboard boxes, "Well, then I guess these I just happened to replicate will do just fine."  
  
"Kotay, you're the best!" Tom said renewing his strong, loving hug. He loved Chakotay, he really did, Chakotay was the best friend anyone could ever have in Tom's eyes. Chakotay would comfort him, protect him, cuddle up with him, and think of the best ideas ever.  
  
Chakotay grinned and set the boxes down next to the tree, "You want to rip them open, or shall we painstakingly undo them so we can put them all back in properly after?"  
  
"Rip."  
  
*** "Blue."  
  
"White."  
  
"Blue!"  
  
"White!"  
  
"BLUE!"  
  
"WHITE!" Chakotay laughed.  
  
"BLUE!"  
  
"Fine, let's compromise, how about blue AND white?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
Chakotay lifted Tom up so he could string his blue lights around the top of the tree, carefully bypassing the star they had put on the very top. They'd had a problem in that they had forgotten the lights, so now they had to carefully avoid knocking off any of the multi-coloured, multi-shaped baubles as they added the lights. Tom then crawled under the tree, arranging Chakotay's white fairy lights around the bottom and up the middle of the tree. They stood back to admire their hard work, "Computer, activate outlet 9b." Chakotay ordered.  
  
They were rewarded with a glistening, multi-coloured Christmas tree sparkling in the corner of their quarters. Chakotay smiled and pulled Tom, who giggled loudly, into his lap on the couch facing the tree, "Looks good doesn't it?"  
  
Tom leant back against Chakotay, "Looks great." He paused, finding Chakotay's hand- still bigger than his, "Missing my T though."  
  
"Your what?" Chakotay asked.  
  
"My T. Back with my family we all had decorations made in the shape of our initials that we hung up." Tom snuggled into Chakotay's chest, "Mine was a glittery blue T shape. I kinda miss it, I mean Christmas wasn't that much fun at my house, but mom would always come around at Christmas. It was the only time she would ever visit me."  
  
Chakotay hugged Tom, stroking his cheek gently and comfortingly. He glanced down into Tom's eyes- looking a bit teary "Hey, you okay honey?"  
  
Tom nodded, "Mmm-hmm."  
  
Chakotay grinned and squeezed Tom's shoulder, "Then go get ready for bed."  
  
Tom slid off Chakotay's lap and headed for the bedroom.  
  
*** I wandered over to my desk console and punched in a few buttons, wondering whether Tom was still as sentimental as his older self as he was now. Entering a detailed search of Tom's quarters I was rewarded with a find, and transported the object over to mine. The decoration appeared and I palmed it, heading back over to the couch.  
  
Tom walked back in clad in shorts and T-shirt and climbed back onto the couch. I looped the golden thread around my finger and dangled the decoration in front of Tom. He beamed and grabbed at the T-shaped bauble, turning it in his hands, running his thumb around the shape, checking it was real. Tom looked up at me, "Where'd you get this?"  
  
"Found it in your stuff." I said returning Tom's happy smile.  
  
"I didn't know I'd brought this!" Tom dropped off the couch and headed over to the tree. He hung up the decoration and I watched him stand back to look at it. I wondered what was going through his head then, and doubted whether this had been a good idea or not. Sure, it was tradition, but it would no doubt invoke some loneliness in the small child and maybe it would just make him totally homesick and add to the confusion.  
  
Tom turned around to me, walked over and I helped him up to hide in my lap. I held him in silence for a while letting him think, letting him sort his head out, letting him decide whether to change the subject or not. He sighed, "Thank you Kotay."  
  
"Anytime buddy." I paused, "Are you okay? Want to talk about anything?"  
  
Tom fiddled with the tassel on his sweater and looked up, "I'll be fine. I'm just a little confused."  
  
"About what, honey?"  
  
He emerged from his hiding place so he could look into my eyes, "I don't know really. I just. Kotay I remember all this stuff about my family, but I don't actually remember doing it. It's kinda weird."  
  
"I know it is Tom. But I promise you it'll be better soon, you'll understand everything."  
  
Tom let his head loll on my shoulder, "I hope so." He said quietly.  
  
We sat in silence for a while, I stroking Tom's hair softly and Tom just thinking quietly. After the silence Tom looked up at me and gave me a small smile, "Merry Christmas Kotay."  
  
"Merry Christmas honey." I paused, trying desperately to think of something festive to cheer Tom up, "Hey Tom. How about we hit Sandrine's?"  
  
Tom sat up quickly and a huge smile spread across his face, "Yeah!"  
  
*** Most of the crew were, surprisingly, really getting into the Christmas spirit over the next couple of days. Neelix, unsurprisingly, was competing with Tom over who could possibly get the most excited- the Mess Hall becoming various shades of silver, gold, red and green. Tom had swapped Sandrine's for a winter wonderland bar, ice rink and sled run. A Christmas tree had sprung up in the briefing room. I even spotted tinsel twirled around a few of the Jeffries' tubes pipelines. Being pretty new to the whole Christmas thing, I often found myself quizzing Kathryn on the festivities. Apparently it used to be a very celebrated tradition in old Earth days, most of the world getting together for the festivities. Kathryn says they used to celebrate it in her family and she can remember all the children going hyperactive, but apparently none of them as much as Tom. But I've come to expect exaggerated emotions from Tom Paris. All in all it sounds like it should be a pretty fun few days.  
  
Tom really started bouncing on the day before Christmas, Christmas Eve I think it's called. He spent the morning with Neelix and Naomi explaining the basis of how Santa heads across the galaxy in his space sleigh, which was pulled by some sort of deer with transwarp capabilities and red noses. Then I got the whole motor-mouth sequence, which has been steadily increasing in intensity over the past few days, when I joined Tom after my shift.  
  
We headed into the holodeck, which was still running Tom's winter- wonderland program. It was half covered bar, half ice rink and sledging hill.  
  
Tom immediately did a full circle, gliding across the ice rink without skates. He slid over to a few people; querying whether they had received the cards he's spent all the day before writing and delivering. I grabbed a brightly coloured warm drink and sat down next to Kathryn who was nursing a hot chocolate.  
  
"Hi Kathryn."  
  
"Hello. Getting into the festive spirit?" She said, warming her hands on the drink.  
  
"I'm beginning to resent Santa and all his associates."  
  
Kathryn frowned, "His associates?"  
  
"We've had elves, talking snow people, flying deer."  
  
"Reindeer."  
  
I frowned, "What?"  
  
"The flying deer, they're called Reindeer." Kathryn smiled, sipping at her drink. "And the snow people? They're called snowmen."  
  
I gave her a 'look', "Not you too. Is it only me who's never heard of this? I mean, no one in Starfleet Academy ever mentioned it. Except maybe a few got presents around this time, but no flying de.sorry REINDEER and no jolly Santa."  
  
"They grow out of it after a while. Tom will too, I suppose. How is he?"  
  
"Just about as hyperactive as it's possible to get, although he's still competing with elder Tom Paris when he was flying." I looked towards Tom who was throwing a snowball or two at Harry "He's definitely a lot happier than a few weeks ago."  
  
"I've noticed the Tom Paris smirk has reappeared. Oh, thanks for the card by the way." Kathryn grinned.  
  
"For the . I didn't send any cards."  
  
Kathryn slid a card out of the white envelope on the table and opened it up. Clearing her throat theatrically she read, "Dear Kathy, have a great Christmas, lots of love and hugs Tom and Kotay."  
  
My eyes grew wide, that was certainly not the way a first officer should sign his correspondence. I glanced towards Tom who was chatting with Harry, "Gods, do you think he put that on all of them?"  
  
Kathryn smiled "Judging from the looks various people have shot you, I'd say yes."  
  
I half-grinned half- blushed and turned to Tom who was now sledging down the hill, competing against, and beating, Harry. The little.  
  
"Hey Tom, come over here a second."  
  
Tom skidded to a halt, jumped off his sledge and headed over to me. He threw his gloves off and grabbed my drink, "Yeah?"  
  
"You signed all the cards like this?" I gave Kathryn's card to Tom.  
  
"Yeah. Why?" Tom asked looking at me with confused blue eyes.  
  
"From me?"  
  
"Well, you were working and I thought it would be easier if I did it for you." Tom looked up into my eyes, "You're not mad are you?"  
  
Damn blue eyes.  
  
"No, I'm not mad." I squeeze his shoulder, reassuring him. "Just how many people did you send them to?" I said trying hard not to grit my teeth.  
  
Tom shrugged and stood up, "Most people on the ship. See you later." Tom took a final sip of my warm purple drink, pulled his gloves on and bounced back to his sledge.  
  
Most people on the. Oh for Pete's.  
  
I sighed, "At least he didn't put them from Tom, Kotay and Bugs."  
  
Kathryn looked at me with laughing eyes, "So. do I change your personnel file to Commander Kotay?"  
  
*** "Do you reckon he'll come Kotay?"  
  
I tucked Tom in, perched on the end of the bed and answered his question for the millionth time, "Yes Tom, I think he'll come."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Positive."  
  
"But, are you sure you're sure?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Sure you're."  
  
I laughed and put a finger to Tom's lips, "I'm certain that I'm sure that I'm positive he'll come. Okay? Now get some sleep Tom."  
  
Tom smiled up at me and whispered, "I'm really excited Kotay. I can't WAIT."  
  
I ruffled Tom's hair and stood up, "The quicker you sleep, the quicker it'll come. Night honey."  
  
"Night Kotay." I managed to get to the door in the pause he gave me, "Are you sure he'll come Kotay?"  
  
I laughed at him, "Yes Tom, I'm sure he'll come." He was leant up on his elbows, hugging Bugs in one hand and looking at me with the same excitement in his eyes as was present when the older him got assigned a shuttle mission, "Sleep." I ordered softly, "Computer; lights out." 


	9. Child's Play (parts 14 and 15)

Haha!!!  
  
What am I doing writing here? I don't write before the parts. Obvious insanity trip. Hmm..  
  
There was meant to be a snazzy little quote or lyric line or something remotely interesting here, but I thought I'd take the opportunity to thank everyone that's R&R instead. Love y'all!!!!  
  
Anyway, here comes the newest instalment, I'm gonna go write more teen angsty, moody stuff now. (damn I liked Tom better as a toddler..)  
  
MJ  
  
*** "What the." I sleepily, but quickly, shot my hand out and grabbed the thing that had just jumped on top of me.  
  
"Hey!" came the scared squeak from the thing I had just shoved against the back of the couch.  
  
Tom.  
  
I slackened my grip and Tom slunk down on the couch next to me. I called for the lights to come on and turned to him, "Sorry." Tom frowned at me, making a big show out of straightening his T-shirt. I rolled my eyes and pushed him playfully, "Jeez Tom, what are you doing scaring me half to death?"  
  
Tom's smile appeared and his eyes brightened, "It's Christmas Kotay!"  
  
I rubbed my eyes sleepily, "Wha- Computer, time?"  
  
"The time is 0517 hours."  
  
I leant back against the couch, "Tom! It's barely morning!"  
  
"Yeah, but it IS morning Kotay. Do you reckon he's been?"  
  
I looked at Tom curiously. He was sat straight on the couch, beaming but looking slightly nervous and clutching Bugs in one hand for comfort. I was surprised he hadn't sprinted over to the Christmas tree yet. "There's only one way to find out." I said softly.  
  
Tom swallowed, "B-but what if he hasn't come Kotay? What if he thinks I've been too bad again?"  
  
Huh!? Again? Beginning to seriously resent fucking Owen Paris, "What do you mean?"  
  
"He didn't come last year. Dad told me it was because I only won second prize in my science project."  
  
Now I realise why Tom had been so anxious last night. He actually doubted that it would happen, it wasn't just excitement. Beginning to SERIOUSLY hate this Admiral.  
  
I squeezed Tom's free hand reassuringly, "Just check out whether he's come honey."  
  
Tom took a deep breath, turned around and peered nervously over the edge of the couch. His face lit up again and he vaulted over the couch like an excited puppy, "He's been!" he yelled happily, skidding to a halt on the floor in front of the tree. "Come on Kotay!" he beckoned me over.  
  
I sleepily got up and joined Tom on the floor where Tom was practically trembling with excitement. "So, are you going to open any of them?" I indicated the brightly coloured packages arranged under the tree.  
  
Tom grinned at me and reached for the first gift.  
  
*** A huge pile of torn wrapping paper later and Tom had just about done marvelling over his last present. He turned to me and grinned, "He actually came."  
  
I nodded and slid another package out from the back of the tree, "Here, from me. Happy Christmas."  
  
Tom clutched the box, "What is it?"  
  
"Probably the only thing you didn't get off your list." I said remembering the comprehensive and extremely detailed list of wants Tom had given me to transmit to Santa.  
  
As Tom ripped open the package I began to doubt giving him this for the millionth time. I could just envision terrible accidents and endless restrictions and regulations being imposed. But, I would cope.  
  
Tom pulled out a pair of shiny black roller blades complete with four inline purple wheels. His smile got wider and he threw a hug on me so fast that I almost fell over. He squeezed my neck tightly and whispered, "Thank you Kotay."  
  
Then he pulled back and looked at me, "Wait here a sec." He dove into the bedroom at warp speed and I got up, waded through the mountain of toys and padds and sat back down on the couch.  
  
Tom walked back in, hopped up beside me and handed me a bright blue box wrapped with white ribbon. He looked up at me, "I got this for you."  
  
I smiled gratefully, "Thanks Tom, but you really didn't have to."  
  
"I wanted to." He said and grinned, "Open it!" he said excitedly, bouncing on the seat.  
  
I slid off the ribbon and lifted the lid off the box to reveal a mountain of tissue paper. Inside the paper were three separate small packages. I picked up the first and unravelled it, revealing a tennis ball sized glass sphere. I frowned at Tom, querying silently.  
  
Tom took the sphere off me and pressed an almost invisible button on the underside. The sphere turned black with small stars dotted here and there. He handed the sphere back to me and I felt tears pricking my eyes. As I rolled the sphere around in my hands I remembered all the times I had laid on my back and looked up at these constellations. I could name every single one of the constellations, which passed Dorvan V at some point. Spirits I had pretty much given up ever seeing home again, not that there was anything there to see anymore. But, seeing them again, it was so overwhelming.  
  
Tom must have noticed my sad silence because he ducked under my arms and popped up in front of my face with a concerned look on his, "Are you okay?  
  
"Mmm-hmm."  
  
Tom cocked his head at me and tried again, this time putting even more liveliness in his voice, "It's your home planet you know."  
  
"I know."  
  
He frowned at my uncommon monosyllabic nature. I could tell he was confused and making an effort to cheer me up, but I was experiencing temporary down time. "Kathy told me all about it." He paused, searching my face for any difference in disposition, "I thought you'd like it, y'know to remember your home by. I thought maybe you missed it. I know I would if something like that happened. I-if you don't want those stars you can change it to show any planet's."  
  
I put a finger to Tom's lips, quelling his efforts gently, "It's perfect Tom." I reassured, hugging Tom closer to me, "Thank you. I love it."  
  
Tom brightens a little, but still seemed worried about me, "Really? You seem sad."  
  
"It's just brought back some sad memories. But it's the best present I've ever been given." Tom leant up and frowned, so I expanded, "You see, I never thought I'd get close enough to my planet to see the stars like this again. Even if I did, I'm not sure I could cope with going down to the planet again. But this, this will help me remember home, whether I get there or not. Thank you for this Tom."  
  
He gave me an incredulous look and made sure he was snuggled up to me, "Are you sure? I feel like it just made you sad."  
  
"Honestly Tom, I love it. I'm fine and will be forever in your debt for getting me such a cool" (Tom's influence) "present." I grinned.  
  
Tom laughed at me, "Are you going to open the rest of your stuff?"  
  
I looked down at the pair of packages I still hadn't opened and wondered what emotional roller coaster the next one was going to send me on. Tentatively I unwrapped the second one and was presented with another wolf carving. It was almost the same as my other one, except that this one was a cub and this one had a playful twinkle in its eyes. Oh spirits. I looked to Tom.  
  
"The other one looked lonely all on his own, so I thought he needed a friend." Tom shrugged, "Do you like him?"  
  
I set the cub down on the coffee table next to my original wolf, "I love him." I looked down at the two carvings and smiled. Tom was right; the wolf did look better with a friend.  
  
Tom handed me the final package and I opened it revealing something else which made my heart turn over. Tom took it off me and headed over to the tree. He hung my new glittery, white C next to his T and trotted back over to the couch facing the tree. I pulled Tom into my lap and wrapped my arms around him, "Thank you." I whispered, "But I thought this was just between your family."  
  
Tom turned and looked at me, "Kotay, you're the closest thing to family I've got out here. I'm okay just with you to look after me."  
  
I grinned and tried to reassure him, "Hey, you have to look after me too. We're a team, yeah?"  
  
"Uh-huh."  
  
"Tom? Can I tell you something?"  
  
Tom frowned up at me. I could see the uncertainty at his eyes, he's not used to me being the one confiding in him and he assumed I was. He did, however, seem eager to help, "Is there something wrong, Kotay?"  
  
"No. Nothing's wrong. I just want to thank you for the presents, they all truly mean something to me. You know you didn't have to do anything don't you?"  
  
"I know. But bestest friends get each other presents," I smiled, "and you've done loads for me Kotay anyways."  
  
I smiled and cuddled Tom for a while, "You have a gift for picking out great presents, how about you help me pick some out for the rest of the crew?"  
  
"Okay. Can I roller blade around the deck first?"  
  
Terrible accidents, trips to Sick bay- and not for Tom. I had a feeling the crew's reflexes were about to be tested.  
  
***  
  
A few hours later and Chakotay had finally convinced Tom that he really didn't need to go to Neelix's Christmas dinner in his roller blades. They had wrapped gifts for a few of the crewmembers and the rations in Chakotay's account were getting seriously depleted. They headed over to the Mess and Chakotay steeled himself for Neelix's version of Christmas dinner. From what Tom and Kathryn had told him, the traditional version sounded quite nice, but add a pinch of Neelix and the whole thing could turn into a disaster.  
  
Tom grinned up at Chakotay, "This is a great Christmas Kotay."  
  
"It is pretty good isn't it? I'm hoping Neelix's food won't spoil it."  
  
"Kathy said that she's gonna make him replicate it all. Tom wrinkled his nose, "I don't fancy leola anything today."  
  
"So why's Bugs not been invited then?"  
  
Tom looked at Chakotay angrily and spoke with older Tom's sarcasm, "Bugs doesn't like public occasions."  
  
Chakotay laughed, feeling stupidly pleased that he was in on the Bugs secret, and followed Tom into the Mess Hall where there was already quite a crowd gathered. Chakotay looked around and raised an eyebrow; Neelix was definitely getting into the spirit of things. The Mess was decorated in tinsel, fairy lights and there was a huge tree in the corner, must have cost him a bomb on rations. All the tables had been pushed into one giant, long one in the middle of the room and it was attractively laden with silverware, candles, serviettes and some long cardboard shiny things which Tom informed Chakotay were called crackers. Chakotay walked up to Kathryn and she greeted them both.  
  
"Chakotay. Tom. How's the day going?"  
  
"Well, we've been up since the break of day haven't we?" Chakotay looked down at Tom who smiled sheepishly.  
  
Kathryn frowned, "Why?"  
  
"Well, Mr. Hyperactive over here couldn't wait to get started on his presents."  
  
"Oh, so I take it we've had a visit from Santa, have we?" Kathryn winked inconspicuously at Chakotay.  
  
Tom nodded happily, "Yep, he came. And he brought me the BEST presents ever. I got loads of game PADDS, a real cool sweater, music vids, another baseball and glove a-and loads more! And 'Kotay got me some roller blades, they're great too."  
  
Kathryn laughed at Tom's chattering and handed them the two packages she had in her hands, "Speaking of presents, here you go."  
  
Tom took the present excitedly, while Chakotay looked at her hesitantly, "Kathryn, you didn't have to."  
  
She shrugged, "Just getting into the spirit of things. "  
  
"In that case," Chakotay pulled out another package out of his bag, "From me and Tom."  
  
"Thanks Chakotay, thank you Tom." Kathryn smiled up at Chakotay and down at Tom.  
  
Tom looked up at them both clutching his new portable holo-toy, "Wow, thanks Kathy! I'm gonna go show Haz. Oh, Kotay I need Haz's present."  
  
Chakotay handed Tom Harry's present and Tom bounded across the room towards Harry. Chakotay turned to Kathryn and smiled, "You've been great Kathryn, I know you helped Tom with his gifts. You didn't have to do this too." he indicated the present.  
  
Kathryn smiled, "You didn't have to do this for me or Tom. Chakotay it's Christmas, we're supposed to be giving." She passed and looked at Chakotay seriously, "Are you still okay with Tom staying with you? He can't be that easy to look after."  
  
"He's great to look after. Y'know, I don't know where his flyboy persona got injected, but it definitely isn't here now."  
  
They were ushered towards the table by an over-excited Neelix and they sat down. Kathryn looked at Chakotay, "It seems all his insecurities aren't here either. I only saw Tom once when he was small, and he was eleven when I saw him. It was a formal occasion and.oh, Owen's a good man Chakotay, he's just not up to fatherhood. well he was parading Tom around, showing him off to the other guests. Tom WAS an exceptional child, just not up to showing off. But he didn't have much choice. You could tell he hated it. Even for the few seconds he was with me he was just silently staring at the floor. NOT the Tom you and I know.  
  
"Anyway, that night Tom spilt his drink on the floor. It was a simple mistake, but Owen, he reprimanded Tom right there in front of everyone. I don't know if he knew what he was doing, because it definitely didn't do much for his image never mind Tom's. Most of the other guests just turned a blind eye, but I couldn't. It wasn't Owen that held me- he was his usual snappy self- it was Tom. He was just stood there shaking, not even meeting his eye. It was heartbreaking."  
  
She stopped when she noticed Tom slipping in the chair next to Chakotay. Chakotay looked to Tom with new eyes, in his first life (Gods that sounded weird) Tom hadn't been this happy kid; he'd been the timid child in Kathryn's account. He turned to Tom who was chatting away at warp speed with Harry across the table, "Tom, why don't you go sit with Harry?"  
  
"You don't want to sit with me?" Tom said, a slight worry appearing in his blue eyes.  
  
There. The insecurities were still there. Chakotay sighed, "That's not it. I just figured you'd be happier talking when you're next to him."  
  
Tom shrugged and moved around the table to sit next to Harry. As soon as he got there he turned to Chakotay, "Hey, Kotay." Kathryn, Harry and Chakotay started to laugh and Tom looked at them innocently, "What?"  
  
"Tom, could you tell me the whole reason you moved around there?"  
  
Tom frowned and then grinned, "Oh." Tom paused, "Just one thing. Look what Haz got me." Tom held up an action figure that Chakotay could have sworn he recognized, "Haz says it's called Captain Proton." Chakotay grinned, "It's great isn't it?"  
  
Chakotay laughed "Yeah, it's a great present Tom."  
  
"Oh, by the way Commander, thank you for mine." Harry said smiling.  
  
"It's okay."  
  
And then Neelix tapped his glass and stood up, "Um, thank you all for coming to our traditional dinner honouring the ancient Earth tradition of Christmas. I'm afraid you won't be tasting my usual natural cooking today" Chakotay felt a silent prayer of thanks come from everyone around the table, "it's all come out of those horrible replicators. But anyway, Bon Appétit."  
  
*** Chakotay finished his vegetarian version of Christmas dinner and turned to Kathryn, "You said you saw insecurities in Tom. Was that just from seeing him shaking, or was there something else?"  
  
Kathryn sipped her wine and firstly looked to Tom checking he wasn't listening in, then she turned to Chakotay, "It was after that. Tom resigned to sitting on a couch as far away from his father as he could possibly manage. The things I heard people saying about him-that he was a spoilt Fleet brat, that he was just sat over there sulking- I just wondered how they could be so ignorant. Tom was sat staring into space; there was no sulking involved.  
  
"Not knowing whether it was right or not, I went and sat next to him. He barely moved, didn't acknowledge my presence- not through impoliteness though, he was already a trained Starfleet professional in that respect. I know it's hard to imagine. I mean if I went and sat next to him now, I know he'd turn to me, flash me that sunny smile and start talking non-stop. But he just sat there and didn't offer me even a sad smile." She paused and shook her head, "So, I asked him if he was okay. And he told me he was stupid, that everything bad that happened was his fault, that he was worthless."  
  
"That he didn't mean anything to anybody." Chakotay finished.  
  
"How did you."  
  
"Tom's already remembered that stage. Spirits, how could someone drum that into their own SON?"  
  
Kathryn shook her head, "I don't know. Anyway, from what I heard after that, as soon as Tom got old enough to learn to hide his feelings he covered them in his flyboy side. He invented a persona that would make him popular, but prevent people from getting close enough to uncover those insecurities."  
  
Chakotay looked across at the hyperactive Tom shovelling down ice cream and giggling with Harry, "Poor Tom. He's had a lot to cope with. I hope things are at least a little easier this time round."  
  
Kathryn smiled at Tom who was now playfully stealing Harry's ice cream, "I think they are Chakotay. He's got YOU this time."  
  
*** "Captain Proton to the rescue!"  
  
Captain Proton flew across the uncharted depths of space, his rocket pack propelling him at speeds rivalling a modern rocket ship. He approached the giant blocking his path and readied himself for a fight, pulling out his ray gun holstered at his waist.  
  
"Stand down in the name of everything good, evil giant, or face the wrath of Captain Proton!" Proton warned.  
  
The giant said nothing, simply raised an eyebrow and Captain Proton sighed, "I shall take your silence as an unwillingness to surrender. Don't say I didn't warn you." Captain Proton fired at the giant, flying winding, confusing circles around the giant who was still not moving- obviously bewildered by Captain Proton's expertise.  
  
But then Captain Proton's rocket pack faltered! He was sent hurtling down towards the blackness of the evil giant. Impact imminent! Would he survive a direct hit into the giant? He was about to find out.  
  
"Ow! Tom! That hurt!"  
  
Tom frowned. Surely it would hurt Captain Proton more than it would hurt the giant. He shrugged and flew Captain Proton away from Evil Harry and towards Evil Kotay.  
  
"Tom, that comes anywhere close to crashing into me and I'll set MY ray gun on you." Chakotay said casually without even glancing up.  
  
"How did you know he was gonna crash?" Tom asked, letting Captain Proton drop to his waist and climbing onto the sofa next to Kotay, Kathy, Neelix and 'Lana.  
  
"I've watched him crash into about fifty other people and it doesn't look like much fun. Why doesn't he just sit still and, um, quietly save the universe?"  
  
Tom raised an eyebrow and sighed heavily, "Because that's boring Kotay." He said as if it was the most obvious thing in the entire universe.  
  
"Do you know what time it is?" Tom shook his head, "It's just after midnight. You've been up for over eighteen hours Tom. Aren't you even the slightest bit tired?" Chakotay asked hopefully.  
  
Tom shook his head again and carried on playing with his action figure. Neelix raised an eyebrow and turned to the other three, "Well, I'M tired anyway. I have to be up early tomorrow to make breakfast. Goodnight."  
  
B'Elanna joined him in standing up, "I've got to go too, I have an early watch tomorrow so I'd better turn in."  
  
The two walked off and Kathryn looked at Tom and Chakotay, "Seems we've worn out the party."  
  
Chakotay twisted around to see the Mess Hall deserted, "Mmm. Tom, I think we'd better go too."  
  
Tom looked up, "Do we HAVE to?"  
  
"Well, if we don't, you'll be partying on your own because I'm shattered." Chakotay walked out of the room.  
  
Tom rolled his eyes and flew Captain Proton out of the Mess Hall after the evil giant Kotay.  
  
*** Captain Proton flew into the bedroom and landed on the table next to the giant baseball. Tom looked at him a second. He'd been like Captain Proton in a way once. Everything had been huge to him, and he thought all the giants were out to get him. But now he felt like he belonged, hardly anybody was like a giant anymore. Except maybe the Doctor.  
  
"I can't believe you're not tired." Chakotay said flopping down on the couch in their living area.  
  
Tom came out of the bedroom and settled down next to him, "Well.maybe I am a little."  
  
"Aha!" Chakotay spun Tom around, "So you ARE tired." He grinned, "Well, at least you'll sleep in tomorrow."  
  
Tom perched in Chakotay's lap, "Kotay? Thank you for this Christmas, it was really great. You make it special." He crawled up Chakotay and whispered in his ear, "I liked your present the best."  
  
Chakotay smiled and whispered in Tom's ear, "I liked your presents best too." he watched Tom's face grin and then yawn, "Why don't you go get ready for bed?"  
  
"'Kay." Tom slid back down Chakotay and landed on the floor. He picked himself up and bounced over to the bathroom.  
  
*** Tom sauntered out of the bathroom and headed over to the replicator as he did every night. I pulled up my legs and propped my head up on my elbow on the armrest. I didn't notice Tom making his way around to me until he stood in front of me, grinning. "Here you go Kotay." He handed me a glass of milk like his.  
  
I accepted it and held Tom's while he clambered up next to me, "What made you get me one too?"  
  
Tom shrugged, "I remember doing it in school. Milk's really good for calcium. That helps you grow." Tom said proudly.  
  
"Really? You think I need to grow?" I smiled.  
  
"No. But you can have it anyway."  
  
"Thanks." I laughed and handed Tom his glass back, he downed half of it in one gulp and the rest in another, "Thirsty?" I queried with a raised eyebrow.  
  
Tom nodded with a smile and cuddled up to my side. He sighed and turned to me, "It's Friday tomorrow Kotay."  
  
"I know." I put my spare arm around Tom, "Do you want to do the usual? Dinner, Sandrine's and Observation lounge?"  
  
Tom nodded, "Are you on shift?"  
  
"No, I've got today and tomorrow off." I put my glass down and turned so I was lying on my back across the couch. Tom frowned at the inconvenience of me moving and then lay down, snuggling up to my chest. I sighed at him, "I take it this reluctance to go to bed just exhibits pure laziness?"  
  
Tom gave me a 'look' and began to mimic my tone perfectly, "I take it this reluctance to get changed just exhibits pure laziness?"  
  
Touché.  
  
Tom slipped into the gap between me and the back of the sofa and snuggled into my side. I pulled the blanket over us both, "Goodnight lazybones." I said closing my eyes.  
  
He sighed, "Night Kotay. Merry Christmas." 


	10. Child's Play (parts 16 and 17)

"Watcha doin'?"  
  
"Working."  
  
"Oh."  
  
{small pause}  
  
"Watcha workin' on?"  
  
"Reports."  
  
"Oh."  
  
{small pause}  
  
"How long ya gonna be?"  
  
"Not sure."  
  
"Oh."  
  
{Small pause}  
  
I laughed and spun around to see Tom kneeling on the couch, looking over the back of it at me. "Are you, by any chance, bored, little buddy?"  
  
"KOTAY! I'm not LITTLE!!!"  
  
I laughed at the eleven-year old, "Sorry! But 'big buddy' doesn't have the same ring to it."  
  
Tom rolled his eyes at me and then sighed, "Yeah, I'm bored, Kotay. Can we go and do something?"  
  
I looked to my reports, I had a hell of a lot to do- most of it overdue thanks to hours of playing with Tom. I really couldn't afford to get further behind on this work. I turned back to Tom and suggested, "How about you go and play with Harry?"  
  
Tom shook his head, "Played with him this morning when you were on the bridge."  
  
"B'Elanna?"  
  
"Last night, when you were at Kathy's."  
  
"Neelix?"  
  
Tom sighed and clambered up into my lap, "I wanna play with *you*, Kotay. Not Haz or Lanna or Neelix, *you*."  
  
I sighed and ran my hands through Tom's soft hair, "Tom, I would love nothing more than to come and play with you, but I've got so much work to get done. I can't, I'm sorry."  
  
"But, Kotay! You haven't played with me proply in ages! Days!"  
  
"I know. But one of our agreements to you living here was that I sometimes have work to do and you have to understand that. I'm first officer on board this ship, Tom, that means I'm gonna have to work." I hugged the suddenly sulky boy a little, "Hey, don't be upset, I spend loads of time with you."  
  
Tom raised an eyebrow at me and I could here his unspoken "not enough". He sighed loudly and slid off my knee miserably, "Fine. I'll go and play with Neelix in the Mess then." He pouted and walked out.  
  
I turned back to my reports for about two minutes before kicking myself. Hard. This was one of the reasons Tom had lost faith in his father- they never spent any time together because he was always doing something at work. And now I was confirming his suspicion that this was true of all people he was close to. Sure, I had work to do, but I'd been doing that work non-stop for the past three days, spending no time with Tom.  
  
I knew what happened now, Tom stopped wanting to play with me so much, accepting that I would be working. He got lonely, started looking for someone else to hang out with and either found that person or stayed lonely. I didn't want either of those things to happen to this angst-ridden little boy.  
  
I stood up, made a few calls and headed for the Mess Hall.  
  
*** Chakotay walked into the Mess Hall to see Tom sitting alone at a table, sucking dejectedly at the straw in his drink and staring out at the stars. He sighed heavily at himself and walked over to the small boy, surprising him by lifting him out of the seat and holding him in his arms.  
  
Giggling, Tom wrapped his arms around Chakotay's neck and said softly, "I thought you were working, Kotay."  
  
"I had a choice between doing boring reports and spending time playing with my best friend, which one would you choose?"  
  
Tom smiled broadly and said, with the expected Tom Paris wit, "I'd spend time with me of course!" He squirmed excitedly in Chakotay's arms, "What are we doing then, Kotay?"  
  
"Surprise." Chakotay said warmly, knowing full well what sort of a groan it would induce in the small child.  
  
"Kota-ay!!! I can't wait!"  
  
"Sure you can." Chakotay smiled and carried Tom out of the Mess Hall, "It's not that far, and I promise that you will love it."  
  
Tom beamed and lay his head on Chakotay's shoulder, sparkling eyes watching every movement intently, wondering where they were going. Eventually they stopped outside the holodeck doors, and Tom frowned when he saw Kathryn waiting there. "What's Kathy doin' here?" he whispered into Chakotay's ear.  
  
Smiling mysteriously, Chakotay nodded at Kathryn and simply said, "We need a witness for what we're about to do, Tom."  
  
Tom frowned again and looked even more confused as he was put on the floor. He followed Chakotay and Kathryn into the holodeck, looking around at the simple replica of Voyager's shuttle bay that had appeared. He grinned widely, "We're goin' flying!!!" he exclaimed.  
  
Kathryn indicated to Chakotay that he could tell Tom, while she programmed in the flight path. Chakotay knelt down to Tom's height and said softly, "Tom, you're an excellent pilot, you know, and I think you're ready to get your license."  
  
Tom's eyes widened incredulously and the beginnings of an ecstatic smile twitched at the corners of his mouth. "Kotay, are you serious." he breathed.  
  
"Completely serious Tom. Complete the simulation today, do a short written exam and a real test flight tomorrow and you are a fully qualified A-class shuttle pilot. Kathryn and I are witnesses. You've done it all before Tom- two regular flights- one at warp, one at impulse- a battle situation and two random emergency landings- they're all the simulations. Then tomorrow it's just some asteroid strafing and a few flashy moves like the sort you're always showing off with. And an exam you can easily pass. Then you're all qualified!"  
  
"Asteroid strafing." Tom whispered dumbly, and for a second Chakotay thought he saw the memories of the strafing at Caldik Prime chasing across his face before the brilliant Paris smile kicked in and Tom jumped into his arms. "Kotay, this is the BEST!!! I love you!!! Man, dad's gonna be so proud, I can't wait to see his." Tom trailed off suddenly  
  
Chakotay physically ached. All Tom wanted to do was impress his father; he didn't miss the man, he didn't want to be with the man, he just wanted to make him proud. Before Chakotay could offer comforting words, Kathryn came up behind Tom and put a hand on his shoulder, saying, "Tom, I know your father is proud of you. He always has been, and your achievements with piloting are beyond anything he could have imagined. He is so proud of you, Tom. He's so sorry he can't be here."  
  
"That's okay." Tom smiled at Kathryn, "So long as he's proud of me. That's all that matters with me and him."  
  
Chakotay suppressed all his anger and hatred towards Owen Paris and concentrated on the fact that the eleven-year old in his arms was happy and smiling. He placed a chaste kiss on Tom's forehead and said softly, "We're all proud of you, honey, you've earned this, you deserve it. I love you."  
  
The warmth in Tom's smile warmed Chakotay's heart and, for one strange second, he felt that Tom understood everything including how he was feeling. He felt that the small Paris was silently reassuring him, comforting him, telling him everything was okay- that *he* was okay. But that was impossible. Chakotay dismissed it.  
  
"Love you too, Kotay." Tom said softly, before straightening and wriggling out of Chakotay's arms, "Now, can we get flying? I wanna show you both just what a great pilot I am!"  
  
Irrepressible, Chakotay thought. Completely irrepressible.  
  
*** "Does this count against me?" Tom whispered from the safety of Chakotay's arms.  
  
"Of course not." Kathryn and Chakotay chorused in unison.  
  
Tom had just performed his second emergency landing. The first had been okay, the computer had picked a pretty tame random flight. All Tom had to do was compensate for a blown out thruster and touch down safely- he had managed that fine. They were so close to the ground when the malfunction occurred that they were never any danger. But the second had been a lot more dangerous and challenging.  
  
The computer had put them in orbit, pretty simple for someone like Tom- but it had suddenly sparked a fire in one of the shuttle's engines, sending them hurtling out of orbit. Chakotay didn't care that it was only a simulation, it was damn real. There were several dangers facing Tom. One- they could now enter the atmosphere too deep and they would burn up immediately. Two- they would enter the atmosphere too shallow and would be sent hurtling top-over-tail down to the ground, where they would certainly not survive. Three- they would make it through the atmosphere but Tom would never be able to regain control of the shuttle and they would crash. Four- Tom would regain control of the shuttle, but the broken engine would cause him to misjudge his trajectories and they would crash. Five- the fire would spread to the rest of the shuttle.  
  
Chakotay knew that the last one would never happen- the sims were meant to test pilot skill not fire control. But the rest? Dangers all too real, all too likely, he wasn't sure if even he could get them out of this one. Had this been real, all of their lives would have been on the line.  
  
But, even as Chakotay was sweating, Tom pulled through, calmly and expertly easing the wounded shuttle down through the atmosphere and coaxing a safe landing out of her broken wings. Once they touched down and the computer declared the assessment a success, Tom had dove into Chakotay's arms trembling wildly, snuffling and burying for comfort and blinking tears from his eyes.  
  
This would not count against the boy for, as with many a tense situation, he was cool, calm and collected when it counted, but afterwards the danger he had been in hit him- when they were safe.  
  
Tom let out a huge sigh and he glanced down at his quivering hands, "How come I'm shakin', Kotay?" Tom asked nervously.  
  
"It's called adrenaline, Tom." Chakotay said softly, rubbing Tom's back, "It helps you when you're in danger, but afterwards it's not so good."  
  
Tom nodded, sniffed a little more and whispered, "I was scared in that one. Does that mean I can't be a pilot?"  
  
"No!" Chakotay quickly assured him, "I was scared too, Tom."  
  
"Tom, we would have been worried if you weren't scared." Kathryn said gently, reaching across to place a comforting hand on Tom's shoulder, "The important part of this was that you got us through it alive- and that's what you did. When you touch ground your job as a pilot is over, you can do whatever you want then- like you. You were professional in the air, and then expressed everything we were feeling in the air on the ground. You were fantastic, Tom."  
  
Tom smiled a little, "Thanks, Kathy. So do I pass?"  
  
"You sure do." Chakotay said softly, "Just got to pass tomorrow and you've got your wings, hon. Hopefully you'll never have to cope with that in real life, hmm?"  
  
"Yeah." Tom agreed, contenting himself with curling up in Chakotay's arms, letting the final traces of the trembles dissipate.  
  
Kathryn smiled at the pair, praying that this friendship between the two would continue when the pilot returned to normal. Just over eleven weeks he had been like this- and he had been close to Chakotay for just seven of those. Except it felt like years to Kathryn and, no doubt, to Tom and Chakotay too. She laughed quietly when she noticed that the day's excitement had taken its toll on Tom, and he was drifting off to sleep in Chakotay's arms. "He's sleepy." She whispered to Chakotay, who seemed unawares- on the account he couldn't see Tom's face from his position.  
  
"I know." Chakotay replied, with a smile, "I can tell when he's tired- he does certain things." He lifted his hand to show that one of those things was Tom's hand curled firmly around his thumb.  
  
"Still awake though." Tom whispered groggily.  
  
Chakotay laughed, "It's very late, you should have been in bed hours ago, you know? But this is the only time both Kathryn and I were free to test you out. Better than spending the night in the Mess Hall?"  
  
"Much better." Tom whispered, "You're the best, Kotay."  
  
Chakotay smiled and stood up with Tom in his arms, ending the program. "Say goodnight to Kathryn." He said to Tom as the three of them made their way to the exit and prepared to go their separate ways.  
  
"Night, Kathy." Tom yawned, "Thanks for testin' me."  
  
"It was a pleasure, Tom, you were a delight to watch." Kathryn replied, "Sleep well, won't you? Goodnight, Chakotay."  
  
"See you tomorrow." Chakotay said softly, heading down the corridors towards his and Tom's quarters. Once there he let Tom quickly change and then put the small pilot to bed.  
  
Chakotay perched on the side of the bed and stroked Tom's blonde hair for a while, knowing that the boy found comfort in any sort of physical affection. Eventually he leant down and murmured, "I am so proud of you, Tom."  
  
"Thanks, Kotay." Tom smiled sleepily, "Kotay?"  
  
"Yes, Tom?"  
  
"Will you tell me a story? I know you haven't done it in ages, but I used to really, really like it."  
  
Chakotay smiled and adopted his soft, story-telling voice- proven to lull the small child gently to sleep. That night he began a new tale, which turned into one of Tom's all-time favourites, of Tommy- the youngest pilot ever- who's mischievous escapades across the galaxy were sometimes for a good cause, always brave and eternally fun.  
  
*** Chakotay stood outside Shuttle Bay One, leaning against the wall and tapping his foot nervously. Tom was in the second part of his piloting exam- except this time he had to have different examiners, so Harry and Tuvok were testing him. The small blonde had already passed his written exam with (pun completely intended) flying colours. Tom had been gone for three quarters of an hour now and was expected back any second. Chakotay prayed that Tom would pass, he didn't know what he would do if he had to console that kind of disappointment.  
  
When Chakotay heard the definite sound of a shuttlecraft touching ground, he stood up from the wall and tapped the access panel until it decided it was safe enough to clear him entry. He had barely taken two steps inside the door before he was ambushed by a fast moving Tom Paris fuzz-ball. This told Chakotay absolutely nothing about the results of the exam; Tom would dive into his arms whatever the result. But the wide smile on Harry's face told Chakotay everything he needed to know before Tom's loud, "I DID IT, KOTAY!!!" penetrated his hearing.  
  
Chakotay laughed and spun Tom around the shuttle bay, exclaiming, "I knew you could do it!"  
  
"Kotay, that one was easy!" Tom smiled, hugging Chakotay tightly, "I did it! I'm a proper PILOT, Kotay!"  
  
"I know." Chakotay said happily, "Solo flights, huh? Am I going to be able to stop you booking a shuttle every day?"  
  
"Nope." Tom beamed, "I'm qualified to fly by myself, you CAN'T stop me, Kotay! And that's the best part!" He giggled, "But I'll still take you flying sometimes."  
  
"Oh, thanks." Chakotay said sarcastically. He shook his head incredulously, "You would not believe how ridiculously proud I am of you at this moment in time, Tom Paris."  
  
Tom hugged Chakotay tightly, "Thanks for letting me take the exam, Kotay, I know you had to sign the 'sponsibility form."  
  
"Never had any doubts." Chakotay said surely, "How about we celebrate?"  
  
Tom looked up from Chakotay's shoulder into the man's eyes and asked curiously, "How?"  
  
"Well." Chakotay pretended to think hard, even though he already had it all planned, "How about we take the Delta Flyer out? Hmm? You can fly her all the way. Then Sandrine's for dinner?"  
  
"Pizza?"  
  
"Sure." Chakotay laughed.  
  
"The Flyer? I'm allowed to fly her all by myself?" Tom breathed, his eyes sparkling. This was what he had been looking forward to, getting his hands on that beautiful shuttle without compulsory supervision. He still couldn't believe they would let an eleven-year old pilot her.  
  
"Of course." Chakotay smiled and headed over to the Flyer, nodding to Harry and Tuvok, "You're a fully qualified shuttle pilot, Tom, and the Delta Flyer is a shuttle." He put Tom down and watched him scramble for the pilot's seat. His eyes widened, seeing the back of that blonde head at the helm was almost too much, the old Tom was still in that little boy somewhere.  
  
Chakotay was snapped out of his trance by a teasing, "Kotay? You don't fly with me if you don't get in! This flight is scheduled to leave NOW!"  
  
I laughed and took the seat behind Tom, "Take it away, Cadet."  
  
Tom grinned and lifted the shuttle off the ground, configuring the force field for our exit, "Aye, Sir." He breathed as we sped off into space. 


	11. Child's Play (part 18)

Okay, peeps, sorry this is such a baby update but the part after this is causing a few conflicts between beta readers *g* It's angst filled so it's pretty hard to keep Tom on the edge of sanity and not make his anguish tedious. Any pointers on the mini angst fest in this one would be welcomed so I can improve on Tom's bigger angst trip next time.  
  
Thanks, MJ  
  
  
  
***  
  
I sat back and watched Tom over the top of my reports. He was sat cross- legged in front of the observation window drumming his fingers on the floor. He'd grown so much in the past few weeks. Tom was fourteen and had been through a very fast growth spurt. His personality had changed slightly too, and I had a feeling it was to do with some of the memories he was getting. He'd become a lot quieter and a lot tenser, not coming to me for comfort as much during the day. He'd also begun having infrequent nightmares and I'd wake up to his screams and find him trembling in bed, hiding under the covers. Then he'd spot me and clamp his arms around my neck, he told me he needed to reassure himself that he was with me and not back on Earth.  
  
Tom had turned into just the teenager I'd expected him to. He was tall and lean, into keeping in shape with various sports. He'd got me into skiing and basketball and I'd introduced him to boxing and a few of the martial arts. His blonde hair now flopped over his head and his voice had broken a few days ago, his blue eyes told me more about his feelings than his voice ever could. Tom's personality was still basically the same; he was smart and quick-witted, but would still try to hold in some of his more acute feelings.  
  
Suddenly Tom slammed his fist down on the floor and cursed quietly under his breath. I snapped my eyes up and put the reports down, tactfully ignoring the bad language "Tom? What's wrong?"  
  
He stood up and started pacing the room and then stopped and looked at me, "Why can't I just do something for myself for once? Am I not good enough?"  
  
I frowned, hoping this was something to do with one of his memories and not me. "Want to tell me?"  
  
He sat down again on a single-seater couch across from me, "The Academy. H- he got me in. I didn't even have to take the test. And then he had the nerve to call me selfish for wanting to take it! How am I ever to know that I can do something off my own back? Or is that it? It is isn't it? I couldn't get in on my own. I can't do anything off my own back. But- I'm not even on Earth, I'm here. It hasn't happened, has it?" He clenched his fists in frustration, "I DON'T GET ANY OF THIS!" he yelled suddenly.  
  
"Come here Tom." I motioned to the place next to me on the couch. He shuffled over miserably and curled up next to me. I put my arm around him and took a deep breath, "Okay, Tom I have to tell you something, but I can only tell you part of the story." Tom looked at me, his eyes curious, "Everything you're experiencing now, everything you remember each week- it's all happened. But this is the second time you're going through it."  
  
Tom frowned at my bad explanation, "I don't get you."  
  
I paused, choosing my words carefully, "A few months ago, you were an adult on board. You were still Tom Paris, still the same person you are now, just a little older. There was an accident and you were changed back to a child, with all your memories wiped. You will remember a part of them every week, like you're doing now, until you're back to your original age."  
  
Tom took a minute for it to sink in, "So. everything I remember, I DID experience?"  
  
I nodded, "Yes."  
  
"And, you know everything that's gonna happen to me?"  
  
"Most things." I said softly.  
  
"So you mean everyone on the ship knows too? Oh God, I don't want everyone to know all this about me Kotay. It's personal, a-and everyone on board knew the older me? What if I don't turn out exactly like him? What if everyone hates me coz I'm different? What-"  
  
I cut Tom off in mid-sentence by hugging him to me, "Let's deal with this point by point, okay? Right, not everyone on this ship knows what you're experiencing. Kathryn only knows because she met you back on Earth, do you remember?" Tom shook his head, "And I only know what you've told me and what I have to from the rest of your life. Two, yes everyone on board knew the older you and you won't turn out different because once you get back to that age you will be the exact same guy with exactly the same memories. Even now you're pretty much the same as, well, you." I paused, "I know it's confusing honey, heck I'm even confused, but I promise once this is all over nothing will be different at all."  
  
"Okay." Tom said softly. Suddenly he turned to me, his eyes serious and anxious, "We'll still be friends right? Promise me that Kotay. You've been the best to me a-and." he must have caught a glimpse of my face, "Oh God, we're not are we? We're not friends."  
  
Sometimes I wish Tom were still four. He was a lot less observant back then. I sighed, reached across and squeezed his shoulder reassuringly, offering him a gentle smile, "We don't know each other as well as we do now. But, Tom I promise that if you still want to be friends, we will."  
  
Then Tom did something that shocked me. He wrapped his arms around me and proceeded to hug me so tightly I found it hard to breathe. But it was a good feeling. Tom had lost some of his affection in his few teen years and I had strangely missed cuddling with him. He whispered softly, "I always want to be bestest friends with you, Kotay."  
  
Tom looked up at me after a few minutes and breathed, "So THAT's why I remember Bugs. He's mine isn't he? That guy's quarters I got him from- that guy was me."  
  
"Yes." I paused and smiled, "I haven't seen Bugs in a while, I was thinking maybe you'd abandoned him."  
  
"No. I just don't need to carry him everywhere I go anymore. It's embarrassing."  
  
"You didn't find it so embarrassing a few weeks ago."  
  
"Shut up." Tom growled and swatted me playfully before cuddling into me again.  
  
After a few minutes of this Tom slackened his grip and looked up at me, "Kotay? I have to know something. Am I an officer on the ship?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Can you tell me what I do?" he asked softly.  
  
I sighed and decided that I would tell him, he seemed so dependant on knowing this and I figured it wouldn't do any damage, "You are Lieutenant Tom Paris, Chief Helmsman and assistant medical officer."  
  
"Really?" he asked, eyes widened and smile reappearing.  
  
I nodded, "Why'd you want to know?"  
  
"Because being a pilot is the one thing he can't do for me. I'm the only one there at the helm and there's no way my Dad can fake passing any pilot exams for me." Tom said happily. He smiled at me, "CHIEF helmsman? Wow."  
  
"You're the best pilot I'VE ever seen Tom." I laugh softly, "Now that's all I'm telling you hotshot. Come on let's go home."  
  
"Okay. Oh and Kotay?" I turn to him, "Thanks, for everything." 


	12. Child's Play (parts 19 and 20- Blissfull...

***

Okay, I'm sorry for the sloooooow update this time, but this part has been very hard to write. It's brand new, only seen one beta reader for spelling and grammar- so no concept watch. Sorry! (BAD Molly!) But I think it's okay. A little WARNING- there's a smidgen (is that even a word?) of violence and language in here, but not much- certainly nothing past the PG-13 rating. Um, and there's a hell of a lot of angst. (Poor Tom!) 

MJ

***

****

Blissfully Stigmatised

"Tom? TOM?" Chakotay sighed and walked into his bedroom to see Tom lying on the bed reading a PADD while listening to his 'music'. "TOM!" Chakotay yelled, getting no response from the teenager. Chakotay sighed, grabbed a cushion and walked over to the bed, swatting Tom with it. 

Tom looked up and frowned, "Oh, hey, Kotay."

"HUH?"

"Computer, pause playback." Tom ordered and then looked up when the music stopped, "I said 'hey'. What's up?"

"Could you turn the music down? I can't hear myself think and I'm all the way across the other side of our quarters." 

"Are you sure?" Tom frowned, "The sound's confined to my quarters…"

Chakotay smiled pointedly, "How about you compare my workload since you've had your music on to what I got done before? Zero to lots is a pretty obvious indicator."

Shrugging, Tom said, "Okay, I'll turn it down. In fact…" he jumped off his bed, "I was thinking of heading down to the resort…"

"It's Friday." Chakotay reminded the sixteen-year old. 

"I know." Tom said softly, "Meet me at the resort before 2200?"

"Sure. See you later." 

***

Harry walked into the holodeck and kicked off his shoes, walking barefoot across the sand. He spotted a blonde in baggy blue swim-shorts, bending over at the edge of the water. "Hi, Tom." Harry called, walking over to the sun kissed teenager. 

Tom looked up, pushing his sunshades up as he did, "Oh, hey, Haz. What are you doing here?"

"Came to see what you were up to." Harry shrugged, "What *are* you up to, Tom?" He asked, indicating the board on the sand.

"Surfing." Tom said innocently, "I figured I'd catch some waves while I'm waiting for Kotay. You wanna come in with me?"

"I've never… what do you do?"

"You're kidding!" Tom exclaimed, "You don't know what surfing is? Haz… not even when you were my age?"

"No." Harry breathed, shaking his head, thinking how weird that sounded. Tom Paris had always been the big brother Harry had never had, now Tom was younger than him- and Harry still felt like the younger, more naïve one. 

Smiling forgivingly, Tom said lightly, "Harry, you can be so cute at times. You should really show that side to the ladies."

"I do."

"No you don't," Tom said with all the wisdom of a teenager, "you show them your chaste side. There's a difference, Haz."

Harry raised an eyebrow and sat down on the sand, "I thought you were supposed to be the cute one. The Delaney sisters sure have some cute stories about your sexcapades as a six-year old."

Tom frowned and picked his sky blue board up, absently dusting the sand off it, "My sexcapades as a *six-year old*??? Haz, I hate to ruin some good gossip, but I haven't ever… well, not in this lifetime. Harry, there's no one my age around here, is there?"

Grinning, Harry looked up at Tom, shading his eyes from the sun, "Is that *Tom Paris* blushing? That's one for the holo-imager!"

"Not funny, Haz." Tom muttered, kicking a dusting of sand over his friend's legs, "Tell me what the gossip is anyway."

Harry smiled, "Apparently six-year old Tom Paris went up to the Delaney sisters late one night in Sandrine's. Naturally, Megan and Jenny were all over two guys and you, being you, clambered up between the couples completely oblivious to what was going down. First thing you asked Jenny and Megan? 'Where do babies come from?'"

Tom blushed a little more and then laughed, saying, "I remember that. Jen and Megan told me the truth and I left the place swearing that I would *never* ever see a girl naked."

"I believe your exact words were 'Girls are yucky!'." Harry smiled, "Then you asked the twins how come they kiss guys with their mouths open. Apparently you were intrigued at the answer and Megan and Jenny spent forever trying to drum it into you that you weren't to try it."

Tom shrugged and ran a hand through his short blonde hair, "Megan's cute, I was playing dumb." 

"Yeah, right." Harry scoffed, "I might have believed that if you weren't so into Jenny, not Megan, at that age. You went through the whole looking up girls' skirts phase with Jen…"

"Don't remind me!" Tom exclaimed, "Man, everybody on this ship knows my childhood embarrassments. If you know so many, imagine how much Kotay knows! That guy sure has some ammo…" he sighed, "I'm going surfing, Haz, before my face permanently becomes this pink."

"Hey, Tom! Don't forget that time you wowed us with your water wings, insisting we address you as 'angel'!"

***

Chakotay lay back on the sand and watched the blonde sixteen-year old tussling with a particularly large simulated wave. The teenager glided along the crest of the swell, occasionally flicking his board off the top in an arc in the air. 

Chakotay shook his head incredulously, he couldn't believe Tom was this old already. Four months, sixteen weeks- seventeen weeks today- and Tom Paris was a teenager. Tom's eyes were the same as they had always been and he was now taller than Chakotay yet again. His hair was slightly blonder than usual- thanks to all the time spent at the beach and, Chakotay suspected, a little dose of current trends. But Tom still had an innocent look and presence about him that hadn't died away since he was a toddler-, which wasn't necessarily a good thing. Sure, Chakotay loved Tom's innocent personality- how the young man would still come to him with any problem he was having, expecting Chakotay to solve it with all his worldly wisdom. But Tom's innocent smile was a complete killer for getting Chakotay firmly engaged around the teenager's little finger. 

Tom rode the wave into shore and, leaving his board at the edge of the water, padded over the sand to Chakotay. Frowning, Chakotay looked at the lanky teenager, "Tom, have you eaten today?"

"Whatever happened to 'hi, Tom'? Huh, Kotay?" He lay himself down on the sand 

"Hi, Tom." Chakotay laughed, lying himself on the sand at Tom's side.

Sighing, Tom said, "Yes, I've eaten today. I've had three full meals. Quit worrying about me. I'm sixteen, but I'm naturally skinny and very active." He shrugged, "I'm fine, Kotay."

Chakotay nodded his acceptance, "Okay, slim" he said, grinning when Tom rolled his eyes. "Can I ask you a question, Tom?"

"Sure you can, Kotay."

"How come you still call me Kotay?" Chakotay asked softly, "I mean, don't get me wrong, I don't mind. It's just most of your childhood quirks have kind of dissipated over the past few weeks, I was wondering why this particular one hadn't."

Tom shrugged, pushing his elbows back so that he was raised up on them, looking out at the rolling turquoise waves. He thought for a few minutes, his desire to be mature warring with his love of Chakotay in his mind. Eventually he pulled his dark sunshades off and held them in his hands, running his finger along the smooth rims. "You've always been Kotay," Tom said softly, "Ever since I was a kid. Kotay suits you better than Chakotay, no offence intended or anything. You're just more of a Kotay to me."

Smiling widely, Tom sat up and continued, "I remember how you used to spend forever trying to teach me that it was CHAkotay instead of Kotay when I was little. Do you remember? We'd sit in Sandrine's and, when I called you Kotay, you'd correct me. Then I'd correct you, and we'd bat back and forth all night until you finally gave in and changed the topic- probably thinking that it was simply something I couldn't grasp for some reason. Or that I was just being stubborn Tom Paris. And you'd always give in first because I, well, I could go on all night."

"I remember." Chakotay said softly, eyes crinkling affectionately. 

"Yeah, well I wasn't being dumb, or stubborn." Tom smiled broadly, "I *knew* what your full name was, it I knew that it just wasn't *you* and- being four, or whatever- I wasn't capable of articulating this then. I'm barely able now." he laughed, "It's like me- I'm a Tom, not a Thomas. And you're a Kotay, not a Chakotay."

Chakotay returned the teenager's smile, "I understand you, Tom. Thank you."

"You're okay with me calling you Kotay, right? You don't think it's a babyish thing? I mean, God knows, I don't do it to gain some street cred for either of us…"

Laughing, Chakotay shook his head, "No, I'm fine with it, Tom. I like it." 

"Good, coz I wasn't gonna stop calling you it, anyway." Tom smirked and stood up, pulling Chakotay to his feet, "Now, Kotay, I want to introduce you to a little concept called surfing…"

***

"Come on, Kotay!!! You're not gonna be able to ride out *that* big a wave yet!" Tom chuckled as Chakotay paddled his board out even further. He hadn't thought he could get Chakotay anywhere near a surfboard, never mind get the man to enjoy paddling his board out and surfing it back in. 

Now, with half an hour before midnight, Chakotay had insisted Tom watch him take a big wave and prove that the teenager wasn't the only one who could ride a large wave to perfection. So Tom sat in the shallows of the ocean, with his long legs just submerged beneath the water and the sun warming his bare back. He floated his board in front of him, leaning on it as he watched Chakotay turn around and paddle along with the wave. 

Tom found himself giggling and then exhaling with shock as Chakotay managed to stand up on the board and surf his way into the shore. Sure, Chakotay couldn't play with the crest nearly as well as Tom could, flicking up and down across the white rim, but he was damn good for a beginner. 

As Chakotay hopped off his board at the shoreline and made his way over to Tom, the teenager flicked a spray off water over the black-haired man, exclaiming, "Jeez, Kotay, you're good. Where've you done that before?"

"Nowhere. Never before the past hour." Chakotay said, smiling and pulling the dripping sixteen-year old up out of the water, "Why? You scared I'm better than you, Tom?"

"Kotay," Tom laughed and held up a forbidding hand, "you may be good for beginner, but you don't even come close to my standard, and you never will. So, no, I don't feel even the teensiest bit threatened by your surprisingly good board abilities."

"Right." Chakotay said, laughing and shaking his head, leading Tom back across the beach, "Sorry to spoil your fun, but I think we've got to go and catch up on some memories."

"Oh, great" Tom mumbled, grabbing his towel and rubbing it across his chest, "Just what I need to be doing on a Friday night."

Chakotay laughed a little and pulled his T-shirt on, "Hey, at least it's your seventeenth birthday. You're another week closer to becoming a legitimate adult."

"If it's my birthday, Kotay, where are my presents?" Tom asked, with a cheeky smirk.

"I'm actually surprised you haven't tried to milk that yet, Tom."

"Me too." Tom grinned, "Just remember my real birthday- May 25th, five days."

"How could I possibly forget?" Chakotay said. Tom had been reminding him of his upcoming birthday for about the past two months- since he had been ten-years old. 

Tom smiled and walked side by side with Chakotay out of the holodeck and towards the observation lounge. 

***

I wonder if Tom's simply naturally childlike, or if this second childhood has left its impact on him. He doesn't seem to be aware of it; I'm sure that he's not doing these things consciously because this sixteen-year old tries so hard to be mature. 

He's sat there right now, a mere minute before he turns seventeen, cross-legged on the couch and fascinated with making his fingers slide down the arm of the couch. His eyes are just so wide and blue that it makes me think of how they were when he was a toddler. His eyes are virtually shadow free now, after his second childhood. I'm sure that, at least I hope that, some of the scars on his battered soul have been repaired. He hasn't had to mature as fast, if we're talking Tom's time and not real time, as he had to when living with his family. So he seems to be revelling in everything a child can do, and doesn't want it to end. I read him an old earth tale once about a little boy who never grew up, and Tom went around for weeks after, proclaiming that he was one of those 'lost boys'. 

I watch Tom's eyes squeeze closed, as they always do when he's assaulted with the memories and, as he's remembering, I wonder what he did before I came along. He was in sickbay with the Doc and experiencing this sensation for the first few times. Did the Doc offer the same comfort I did? What did toddler Tom feel when everything came running back? Did he feel as alone as I imagine he must have felt? And all that time I was glorying in not having Lieutenant Paris around to deal with...

Tom was in the midst of regaining his memories and chewing on his bottom lip like he always did when he felt insecure. I had a sudden urge to make my way over and hug him reassuringly, but I knew that to disturb him during this time would have confusing effects on the teenager- mixing the past and present around in his head. I could only sit and wonder what was happening inside his mind at the moment...

***

__

"Tom, you're up next."

"Sure." Seventeen-year old Tom Paris smiled at his coach, swinging his bat in a wide practice arc. 

"We need a homerun, Paris. One run down, two men out, bottom of the ninth…"

"I know, coach."

"Tyler's not going to make it past the starting plate, not with Hicks pitching, we need your run, Tom."

"I *know*." Tom laughed, "I can do it, coach. I never let you down, do I?" 

"Never before, Paris. Saw your father before, he's up in the stands."

Glancing up into the stands, Tom smiled nervously, maybe now he could show his father just what he could do.

***

"Tom, your bat is too low, lift it up."

"Daddy, it's heavy and too big, I need a littler one, like Luke's! His is blue, y'know, and it's got white bits on, and he said that…"

"Don't start chattering again. You're a *Paris*, you are able to cope with full size equipment."

Five-year old Tom sighed and lifted the bat up higher, over his shoulder and watched as his daddy's friend wound up the pitch. The ball flew at him and he dove to the side, avoiding the speeding baseball. 

"*What* was that, Thomas?"

"He threw it too fast! And it was an over-arm pitch, I don't have to do those!" Tom protested, "I couldn't even see the ball!"

"I told him to throw it fast!" Owen Paris growled, "You don't think they're going to take pity on you in games, do you?"

"I'm gonna be in LITTLE LEAGUE!!!"

"Don't you dare shout at me!" Owen stormed over to Tom and stood menacingly over him, "Any more of that and you will *severely* regret it. Now get back up there and take the pitch."

Tom gulped and stood back up to face the pitcher. This time he bit back his initial reaction of dodging away from the supersonically paced ball and swung at it. His bat connected with the baseball and sent it flying way across the field, almost making it into the stands. He grinned widely, dropping his bat and jumping up high, punching the air. "I did it, Daddy!"

"That was satisfactory, Thomas. But I expected it to at least make it into the stands."

"But… but I hit a *fast ball*, Dad." Tom said quieter, his sunny smile fading a little, "I haven't ever done that before."

"No, but millions of other people have, it's no big deal. You can still improve. Go and get the ball." Owen said, pointing towards the other end of the field, where the ball had landed. 

***

"Tom, your bat is too low, lift it up."

"Kotay, it's heavy, I need a littler one! My best friend, Luke, he's got a new one it's blue and white and he said…"

"Don't start chattering again," Chakotay smiled, "at least not over there, if you're going to give me the motor mouth thing, come here and do it."

Tom ran over to Chakotay, "Luke- he got a new bat, his daddy bought it for him. And he says that he reckons he can get millions of grandslams with it. But I pitched against him and he struck out five times!!! With his new bat and everythin'!"

"You must be a good pitcher, you'll have to throw a couple at me later."

"Sure!" Tom smiled, "Anyway, this bat is too heavy for me, Kotay."

"I told you it was going to be!" Chakotay smiled, "Go get another one then."

"This one be okay?"

"Let's try it."

Five-year old Tom lifted the bat up over his shoulder, finding that it was easier now, and watched as Kotay wound up the pitch. The ball flew at him and he swung his bat, loving the hollow thud the sounded when the bat and ball connected. He reached up and held the tip of his cap while following the flying ball with his eyes. When it passed out of the pitch, way into the empty stands, Tom flung his cap off and raced forwards, jumping into Chakotay's arms. 

Chakotay laughed and held Tom into his chest, "Aren't you supposed to be running around the bases at the moment, champ?"

"I did it, Kotay! I hit it way out into the stands! I can be in Major League now!"

"Buddy, you did way more than simply hit the ball! I bet you could be right up there with the greatest players of all time!"

"You think so?"

"I know so."

***

"Tom? Tom?" I shook the teenager's arm worriedly, "Tom, come on, wake up. Hey, you with me?"

Tom's eyes opened and darted around erratically, "Kotay? I did it! I hit the ball, Kotay..." 

"Tom?" I frowned worriedly. Tom had crashed out on the couch, breathing heavily and mumbling things as memories came flooding back. Tom was never usually like this after regaining his memories; he was usually quiet and peaceful. Not trembling and scared. "Tom, it's okay, I'm here."

"Dad didn't think I could hit it into the stands, but you knew I could do it, Kotay. You said I could do it, and I did it! But what about my game? I've gotta hit it like that again, Kotay. D'ya think I can do it?"

Tom..." I whispered softly, "I'm calling the Doc, let's get you to sickbay, you shouldn't be like this."

"I can't go to sickbay." Tom whispered, "I've got a game, I'm up next, no time to go to see the Doc..."

"It's going to be alright." I said gently, taking Tom's hand and tapping my Comm badge, "Chakotay to the Doctor."

"Doctor here."

"Can you arrange to transport Tom and myself to sickbay please? Chakotay out." I tapped off my badge and looked worriedly back down at Tom, who's eyes were now tightly closed again against the recollections. The observation lounge shimmered out and sickbay shimmered in. 

"What's wrong with him?" The Doctor asked, helping me to lift Tom up onto a biobed.

"Shouldn't you be telling me that?" I asked, watching Tom shaking a little on the bed. 

"Mr. Paris?" The Doctor said, "Tom?"

I bent down so that I was close to Tom's ear and said softly, "Tom, we need to know if you can hear us. Can you?"

Tom nodded, his eyes still squeezed closed, "Yeah" he ground out. "The game, Kotay..."

"What game? A baseball game? Tom, can you tell me about it? Tom? Tom?"

***

__

"Hey, mom!" Tom ran into the house, dumping his school bag on the floor. He picked up his baseball glove and ball from the table and pulled the glove onto his hand, walking through into the kitchen to greet his mom. "Hi!" he said, tossing his ball up and down.

"Hello, Tommy. Your father wants to see you."

"How come?"

She turned and looked to her six-year old son, sighing, "He just does, Tommy. Please go and see him, he's in his office."

"Sure, mom." Tom shrugged, wandering through the house towards his father's study.

Tom crept up behind his father and then suddenly yelled out, "Dad! Catch!" As his father turned around, Tom launched his baseball at his father. 

Owen made an attempt to catch the ball but missed, the ball landing on his desk and knocking over a full cup of hot coffee. He turned, glowering, to Tom who was biting his lip nervously. In a sudden burst of rage Owen shot up, stormed over to his son and hit him hard over the head, knocking Tom to the floor.

Shutting his eyes in pain with his ears ringing from the blow, Tom curled himself up defensively, avoiding any more blows. "I'm sorry." He mumbled miserably, knowing that that would placate his irate father a little.

Owen restrained himself and barked out, "Get up."

Tom scrambled to his feet, knowing that to linger would bring him more punishment. 

"Give me the glove." Owen said steadily, taking it off Tom when he handed it over, "You're not having this back for three months except for games and practices with me."

Tom opened his mouth to protest but then clamped it shut and blinked back his tears. 

"I wanted to see you because I heard that you lost your game today."

Tom blinked. How had he heard that? That game had only been an hour ago. Tom shrugged, "They were a good team and we only lost by two runs."

"You shouldn't lose by any runs."

"Coach said I played well." Tom mumbled, "An' I got three homeruns."

"I don't care." Owen spat, "You still lost the game. You're a disgrace. You're grounded for a month."

"Dad, please..."

"Get out. I don't want to see your face."

Tom sprinted from his father's office to his room, shutting the door behind him. Once there, he sank down behind the door and began to cry. 

***

"What's wrong with him, Doc?"

"It's nothing physical." The Doctor said, fiddling with one of his scanners, "He's having violent flashbacks, but I believe these must have been triggered by his regaining the memories. I'm sorry, Commander, but at this moment in time, there is nothing I can do except sedate him."

Chakotay bit his lip and looked over to the sleeping teenager, wondering what he could do to help him. Getting an idea, he tapped his Comm badge, "Chakotay to Captain Janeway."

"Go ahead, Commander. Any news on Tom?"

"He's sedated. Captain, I've got an idea, could you come down to sickbay, I need your help with it."

"Give me fifteen minutes, Commander."

***

__

"Kotay!" Tom giggled, "Hit it higher!"

"Higher? You think you'll be able to catch it?"

"Yeah!"

"Okay." Chakotay tossed the ball up and then swung his bat so that he hit it high over the six-year old's head.

Tom back-pedalled, following the ball with his eyes as he continued to position his body beneath it. As the ball lowered its position in the sky, he dove back, stretching his glove and just managed to catch it. His body hit the dirt and he winced at the impact as he slid across the ground. 

When Tom picked himself up Chakotay was standing above him, asking urgently, "Are you okay, Tom?"

"Yeah." Tom said softly, sitting up and rubbing at his knee, "I caught it, Kotay." He grinned, "Was that the best you could do?" 

"Has anyone ever told you that you are simply irrepressible?" Chakotay laughed, "Yes, that was the best I could do, you're quite the little baseball player, aren't you?"

Tom nodded and clambered into Chakotay's lap, saying generously, "Don't worry, Kotay, I'll teach you how to play better."

***

Seventeen-year old Tom Paris stood up to the batting plate and faced the pitcher. He could see his father standing in the stands behind the pitcher, watching him closely. Tom gulped and flexed his fingers on the bat he held behind his shoulder, turning his attention to the ball that was about to fly at him. 

The ball left the pitchers hand, curving around, and Tom swung, only to hear the soft pad of the ball landing in the glove of the player behind him and a loud "Strike one."

***

"What do you need help with, Chakotay?" Kathryn asked, walking into the Doctor's office to see Chakotay bent over his console.

Chakotay swung his console around towards Kathryn, showing her the information. "I need you to unlock this file. It's Tom's medical file, some of the information is classified, more specifically the information from when he was seventeen. I have a feeling it might help me as to figuring out what's happening to him now. Can you unlock it for me?"

Kathryn sat down, "I'm not supposed to do this, Chakotay, that information is private..."

"I *know* that." Chakotay said softly, "And I wouldn't even considering asking you to do this if it wasn't Tom and he wasn't so ill. I just want to look out for him."

"Okay, I'll open it for you." Kathryn surrendered, and pulled the terminal towards her, tapping in her access codes. 

"Have you seen this information before?" Chakotay asked as it downloaded. 

"No." Kathryn replied, "I don't look through my crewmen's medical files unless I get really bored, Chakotay."

Chakotay smiled a little, and looked at the files retrieved. "Oh Gods." He breathed, "This is horrific."

Kathryn couldn't respond, just felt tears welling up from what she was reading. Tom had been severely beaten- within a few inches of life. The medical records showed that every limb had been broken or dislocated, there was bruising to nearly every part of the body and Tom had been on life support for three days.

"Who the hell did this to him?" Chakotay asked, clenching his fists in anger.

"It doesn't say." Kathryn frowned, "Tom never remembered..."

"Or never told." Chakotay said softly. He scanned the file, "Look, here... Tom started having flashbacks after he went for a psychological examination. 'Violent, torment filled flashbacks from his childhood.' I'm betting anything that these are connected to his flashbacks now."

Kathryn nodded, "But it doesn't say specifically how they stopped, just that they did after a period of time."

"Two months. *Two months*? Tom will be twenty-five by that time! There has to be some way to snap him out of it. It says he stopped on the 25th May. That's his birthday. Something must have happened to make him snap out of it..."

"Like what?" Kathryn asked, "We haven't got the slightest idea what happened when Tom was seventeen, none of us have."

Chakotay sighed and looked out to where Tom was sleeping, "We can try and find out though."

***

__

"STRIKE TWO!!!"

Tom bit his lip hard and adjusted his cap, trying to stay cool. But he couldn't, he just couldn't, not when his father's eyes kept burning into him. It was distracting him so much that he could barely register when the ball left the pitcher's hand.

The pitcher unwound and threw the ball at the teenager, immediately realising it was a mistake. The ball was slow, straight and completely without spin. It would be easy for anybody to hit but TOM PARIS? Tom Paris could slug this ball into orbit.

Tom's father wanted him to win this game, Tom's father had ordered him to win this game, Tom had to win this game. What would happen if he didn't win this game?

The ball sailed past the glazed-eyed blonde. 

"STRIKE THREE!!!"

***

"Kathryn!! Come take a look at this!"

Kathryn walked into the Doctor's office, rubbing her eyes, "Chakotay, shouldn't you be getting some sleep? You've been working on this non-stop for twelve hours. You're no good to Tom if you're shattered."

"Just look..." Chakotay motioned her over to his screen, "The night all that happened to Tom, he had just lost a baseball game. The day recorded that Tom stopped having flashbacks he was guaranteed a place on the team next season- it was a surprise for his birthday."

"So?" 

"So all this has something to do with baseball. The defeat triggered the event and his being selected for the team stopped his flashbacks."

"Chakotay, you can't select him for the team again."

"I know, but I've got an idea."

***

"Commander, you have been doing nothing but working on this holoprogram and taking care of Tom for the past forty-eight hours. I know what you're doing with Tom, but what is this holoprogram about?"

"It's something which, I hope, will help Tom snap out of his flashback mode." Chakotay said softly.

"Kotay...?" Came a moan from the bed.

"Tom?" Chakotay ran over to the biobed in a flash, "Tom, are you with me, buddy?"

"I lost the game, I missed the ball, he'll be so mad at me..."

Chakotay sighed heavily and took Tom's hand, motioning the Doctor over, "Tom, everything is going to be okay. You're going to go back to sleep now, and we'll try and figure out a way to make you better. Just hold on for me, okay?" Chakotay soothed as the Doctor injected the hypo spray, "You're going to be fine, Tom, just go to sleep and let me work everything out."

Tom's eyes gently closed and Chakotay stood up, dropping Tom's hand, "Doc, I need to run through an idea with you."

***

__

"You lost the game, Thomas."

"No, dad, please... I couldn't help it. I tried, I'm sorry."

"You let yourself down. More importantly you let your team-mates down, you let your coach down and you let me down. This will not go unpunished, Thomas."

"Dad, I'm sorry..."

"Sorry is never ever good enough, Thomas. And yet you always seem to think that it is. This is much more than a sport, Thomas, this is a projection of your image. This is an advertisement of your worth, and you looked like you were worth absolutely nothing today. You *will* be punished, Thomas."

Tom swallowed hard as he watched his father turn on his heel and walk off into the distance, leaving him in the dark locker room. 

***

"Doctor, are you ready?" Chakotay asked. 

"Yes, Commander." The Doctor replied. Right now, he was about ready to try anything that might help the teenager. It was the fifth day and Tom's hallucinations had become so violent that he had to be kept sedated for most of the time. Now, however, Tom was just coming around and the Doctor was ready to give Commander Chakotay's plan a shot.

"In that case, energise."

Chakotay and Tom shimmered out of sickbay and entered into a running program on holodeck one. As they landed on the hard, plastic seats Tom, barely conscious, began to sway unsteadily and twitch in confusion. Chakotay immediately supported Tom with his arm and whispered softly, "Tom, I need you to wake up for me."

Tom's eyes remained tightly shut, "They're hurting me..." he murmured. 

"Tom, just open your eyes for a second." Chakotay urged, "Just a second for me. Look where you are, you're at a baseball game."

"Wha?" Tom opened his eyes, and whispered, "Baseball? Who?"

"Starfleet Academy First Team versus an Allstars team from the other Federation planets." Chakotay said, incredibly thankful he had Tom's attention, "I found this game in the ship's database. It's supposedly got the greatest grandslam hit of the season in it."

Tom's eyes rolled closed again, "I missed the ball, I lost the game, bad Tom..."

"Tom?" Chakotay shook the teenager, "Hey, Tom, stay with me here. Concentrate on my voice, come on."

With visible effort, Tom complied and his eyes opened. He tussled with words for a few seconds, before whispering, "Game status?"

"Bottom of the ninth, tie score, two men out, Academy team in bat- pretty shattered. Probably couldn't survive another innings. Almost an exact replica of last season's second team Allstar game, really. Next man, excellent, one after... not so good."

"Gotta get a homerun..." Tom murmured.

"That's right." Chakotay smiled, unaware of the flashback. "Wanna know who's next up to bat?"

"Geraghty?" Tom whispered, "Highest run average... he'd win... he can hit the ball... he can hit a slow ball... I can't..."

"Shhh..." Chakotay soothed, squeezing Tom, reassuring the teenager that he was in the present, not his tortured past. "No, it's not Geraghty, it's Tom Paris. Eighteen-years old, the new boy on the team, but I'm telling you, he sure can play baseball."

"Me?" Tom whispered, opening his eyes and fully paying attention. "Kotay, don't let me up there! I'll lose the game! I'll..." Tom buried his face into Chakotay's chest, seeking comfort.

"Hey, it's okay, just watch."

Tom turned his head a little so he could just watch the progress of the game through the corner of his eye.

***

Tom Paris stepped up to the batting plate nervously. He *knew* this was an exact replica of the game he had played in the season before. Everything was down to him again. He'd pleaded with his coach to sneakily change the batting order, to get someone to injure him, to do *something* that would prevent him having to bat. But his attempts had failed and Tom was up here alone. No batters even on the bases, he wouldn't get a chance to run with the next guy- who would immediately strike out- so a full blown homerun was called for. Chewing his lip he touched the tip of his helmet in one of his little idiosyncratic ways and looked out past the pitcher into the stands, not seeing his father.

"STRIKE ONE!"

Pay attention, Tommy boy!!! This is no time to worry about your father, he doesn't worry about you- ever. Tom's father had disowned him a year ago to the day now, saying that Tom was no son of his. Tom had no doubt his father was watching this game on a vid screen, thankful he had got rid of the son who was about to bring disgrace to the family name yet again.

"STRIKE TWO!"

Shit!!! Watch the damn ball! You'll be getting your father so mad! Why was he even bothering freaking so much? His father didn't give a damn, his mom had died, his sisters were someplace else, there was no-one who would care if he blew this. Except maybe his team-mates, his friends... WOAH!!! Ball coming!!! Swing!!!

"FOUL BALL!"

Lucky there, Tommy. Seriously pay attention now. Two strikes, one foul ball. You're dead in one more ball, he's got a whole three more to play with. If this guy's smart he'll walk you. But look at him, he's a Klingon, he won't want to blemish his record. Yet another stroke of luck, you've probably exhausted your luck for today. Look! He's winding up, concentrate now. Curve ball. Adjust. Swing!

"FOUL BALL!"

This is getting scary. What if he *does* walk you, huh, Tommy? Oh, just forget all this. Tom nodded, forget his father, forget his family, he was going to do this for himself. Prove them all wrong. Concentrate on the ball, let the bat swing naturally, go!

Tom didn't hear the call of the umpire for all his cheering team-mates that had leapt on him. Laughing with abandon, he found himself pinned to the floor looking up through the centre of his praising friends, he watched the replay of the ball soaring out of the stadium on the big screen. He heard his name on the loud-speaker, accompanied by loud applause from the supporters. Still giggling, he was pulled up from the ground, lifted up into the air and taken on a victory lap around the bases. Tom threw his head back and stared out at the sky thinking that although he had been outcast by his family, stripped of the Paris name and abandoned by his father this was the best day of his life. 

***

"I did it, Kotay." Tom breathed, looking down at the ecstatic replica of himself, "I won."

"Yeah, you did, Tom." Chakotay smiled. 

"Man, I bet my father would have been kicking himself for abandoning me. I wish I could see his reaction..."

"You can, Tom," Chakotay said, pointing down through the crowds towards the scene that was taking place. 

***

Tom was lifted down from his friend's shoulder and placed on the pitch were he was ambushed by several other people, all hugging him tightly and practically yelling congratulations at him. Then, suddenly, it seemed that the crowd parted to reveal a proud older man standing at the edge of the pitch. Wide-eyed, Tom stumbled forwards, leaving the crowd to party with itself, and making his way over to his father. 

"Congratulations, son." Owen whispered. 

Tom dropped his helmet onto the ground, still standing a metre or so away from the man he had hated all his life. "Thank you, Sir." He said curtly. 

Owen Paris moved forward with open arms to embrace his son, but stopped when Tom leapt backwards, outraged. 

"What are you doing?" Tom hissed.

"I'm welcoming you back into the family." Owen said plainly. 

Tom's mouth dropped, "It's not that easy, you bastard."

Owen frowned, "Watch your language, Thomas."

"I will." Tom said, "But not because I have any respect for you whatsoever. I will because I don't want to lower myself to that simply because *you* come back into my life. I'm an adult now, father, you have no control over me."

"Surely you're not going to abandon the family that raised you, Thomas. The family that moulded you into the man you claim to be."

"I didn't grow up in a family." Tom hissed, "A family is there through the good times and the bad. A family loves, a family cares and a family comforts. A family does not simply expect and demand, nor do they demean and stigmatise. Do you have any idea how I felt? Suicidal. That was what you drove your *son* to.

"Don't you think I remember, father? You never listened to what I had to say, you never encouraged me, you never had any confidence in my abilities. You abused me. You physically hurt your own flesh and blood. And, in the end, you didn't even do it yourself."

Tom laughed a little, "Those sorts of memories don't go away *ever*. And, trust me on this, I will never ever forgive you for what you put me through, for the person that you made me become. Goodbye." Tom turned on his heel and strode purposefully back towards the cheering crowd, trying his best not to jump up the air and whoop loudly at the ass kicking he had just given his father.

***

"What happened to me?" Tom whispered, still buried into the safety of his best friend, "Last thing I remember we were in the observation lounge."

"You started having flashbacks, Tom."

"That's happened before." Tom whispered, still focused on the partying of the holographic him, "I remember it doing. After the game when I was seventeen, I was in hospital because of it."

Chakotay sighed, "No you weren't. That's not why you were in hospital. You were in hospital because somebody beat you up pretty badly. Tom, do you remember who did it?"

Tom bit his lip for a few seconds and then looked up at Chakotay, "Kotay, shall we delete the holograms and go play ball?"

"Tom..."

Tom turned his shining, pained blue eyes onto the man, "Please, Kotay, don't make me think about it just yet."

"Fine." Chakotay sighed, "But, Tom, you know that I'm here for you, don't you?"

"Yeah, I do, and I'm so grateful for that, Kotay. I'm just feeling a little messed up at the moment, let me sort my head out?"

"Okay."

***

"Y'know," Tom said, as he swung at another pitch from Chakotay, knocking it out into the stands, "all my favourite memories are with you. When... when I was having the flashback things, I remembered playing baseball with my dad- and he was horrible, so demanding. Until you I never believed that it could all be about fun."

"Everything's about fun, Tom." Chakotay said softly, ordering the computer to retrieve all the balls Tom had slogged. "Life's no good if you don't live it."

Tom smiled and touched the tip of his hat yet again, wondering why he did that. Probably just a Tom Paris thing. "Kotay, you need some fielders. Computer, show fielders." He watched the team appear around the diamond, "There, that makes it more interesting."

Smiling, Chakotay pitched a few more at the teenager and said, "So what happened after the game when you were seventeen?" He continued at Tom's defensive look, "Tom, I care about you, I only want to sort things out."

Tom tapped his bat on the floor, not meeting Chakotay's eyes, "My father was disappointed in me; he had every right to be- I lost the game after all. He said he didn't want me to play baseball anymore, that I would just disgrace the family further. When I refused, he- he got a few of his friends to make sure I'd never play baseball again. Although, it didn't quite work out as he planned. They messed with my head as well as my body and I guess that's how the flashbacks started, that coupled with the fact that I was completely alone. But I snapped out of it when the Academy guaranteed me a place on the first team. I was just *so* happy, Kotay. I didn't give a damn about my father when I was accepted onto that team."

Chakotay gaped in shock, "Your *father* did that to you? You were so badly injured... a father wouldn't do that to their son..."

"Believe me, Kotay, he did." Tom sighed and swung his bat around hard, hitting the imaginary image of his father in the head, "He didn't care about me. Soon after that he disowned me, I was wiped from the family book. If it wasn't for my baseball scholarship I would have been out of the Academy in a flash and I would have lost my wings too."

"He disowned you then?" Chakotay blinked, "I thought that didn't happen until Cal..." Chakotay bit off his sentence.

"What? What were you about to say?" Tom dropped his bat and thundered to the pitcher's mound, demanding, "Kotay? Tell me."

"It's nothing, Tom, really."

"Well then if it's nothing then you can tell me!" Tom pleaded, "Nothing else bad is going to happen, is it? Tell me I'm on a straight officer's course from now, Kotay. Graduate from the Academy, move through the ranks and end up as Chief helmsman on Voyager, right?"

"Tom, let's just play ball..."

"Oh, Gods..." Tom's eyes widened, "There's something else. Kotay, please tell me. Please."

"I can't, Tom, not now. I'm sorry..."

"Great." Tom huffed, "Just when my life couldn't suck anymore. Just great..."

Chakotay watched Tom throw down his bat and cap and call for the exit arch. He let his arms fall to his sides and sighed, "Tom, please, don't walk out." It didn't work. The blonde teenager still stormed out of the arch. Chakotay hung his head, letting the brown glove fall off his left hand, thinking that the torment for Tom would never end. He ended the program and walked after Tom. 

***

Chakotay found Tom in the Observation Lounge. The pilot's back was to him and he was staring out at the stars. Chakotay took a step forward, letting the doors close behind him, and he softly ordered a privacy lock. He walked over to Tom's couch and sat down next to him, noticing that there were tears streaming down the blonde's face. Chakotay thought that was a particular tragedy; those blue eyes could sparkle so brightly, they shouldn't be allowed to be made miserable. "Tom..." he whispered, unable to find any other words. 

__

Tom sniffed, making no effort to wipe the moisture from his cheeks. "I hate my life, Kotay." He said softly.

Chakotay swallowed hard. Here was a tortured little boy who had grown up wanting nothing more than to fly away and feel himself soar in freedom. A person who desperately wanted to please and to impress. How could the universe let such horrible things happen to such a good, happy person? Humanity was certainly wasting away. And so many people would go along with their own thing, laughing and smiling, ignoring the children living in misery. How could Tom even go through a day without losing all faith in everything?

Yet Chakotay had done his utmost best to make Tom's second life as enjoyable as possible for the young man. Maybe some things hadn't been smooth sailing, what with the K'Tra and Tom's memories recollection, but who's childhood was a breeze? Chakotay had hoped things this time around were a lot better for Tom. He shifted a bit in his seat and asked quietly, "You hate your life now?"

"Oh, no..." Tom realised his mistake and turned to face Chakotay, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that, Kotay. I love my second life with you, it's being great. I just hate my first life. I mean, to me, I haven't actually done any of these things I'm remembering. I don't *deserve* to feel like this, I don't think I deserved it the first time around. I hate having to remember stuff I haven't even done."

"But you have, Tom. This is you. You've been given an opportunity to become a different person and develop under different stimuli, but don't forget your first life. Sure, most bits weren't all that nice, but there has to be some good things you don't want to forget."

Tom danced his hands in his lap, "Maybe orbiting earth for the first time. That was great. And my mom- she was a beautiful person. And flying to every star in Orion's Belt- I always remember loving that constellation. I loved the story behind it, where Orion was put up in the stars, safe from everything that was hurting him. I liked that idea..."

Chakotay smiled painfully, "See, honey, good things..."

"You called me honey again." Tom said good-naturedly, "You keep on doing that."

"I'm sorry, I sometimes forget you're not a kid anymore. I'll stop."

"No, don't." Tom said with a little smile, "I kinda like you showing that you give a damn about me. Although 'honey' doesn't really give me the cool teenage image I was going for."

"I'll always give a damn about you." Chakotay assured the blonde. 

"Good." Tom smiled, but then it faded and he asked miserably, "So there's more bad stuff to come, huh?"

Chakotay sighed and put his arm around Tom, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

"Nah, it's okay, Kotay. You're allowed one slip up." Tom grinned a little, "So I'm guessing you're not going to tell me, big guy?"

"*Big guy*???" Chakotay laughed incredulously. "That's a new one. No, I'm not going to tell you, Tom. I'm sorry but I don't want anything bad on your mind for the next few weeks. We're going to have fun. Just try to put all this to the side until next Friday, hmmm?" 

"I'll try." Tom said softly. 

"Good." Chakotay sat in silence for a few minutes before remembering something and standing up, "Oh yeah, I remember I had something for you..." he stood up and wandered over to the console unit, accessing the transporters and beaming in the object. "I wasn't all too sure whether today actually counted, but I figured what the hell. I haven't got a clue how old this makes you but, happy birthday."

Tom beamed widely, "Aw, thanks, Kotay. You didn't have to."

"I know." Chakotay handed Tom the package. "It's something you kind of murmured when you were having your flashbacks and I remembered it from something you told me when you were five."

Tom frowned and ripped the paper off the package, revealing a black and red baseball glove with one of the old style white balls. He smiled widely, turning the presents over in his hands, "My glove..." he breathed. 

"You got them for your fifth birthday, remember?"

"Yeah... off my mom. My dad thought they were too expensive. And then he confiscated them and never gave them back. Kotay, these are the best, thank you." Tom gave the man a quick hug. 

Chakotay laughed, "Plus I abused my Command status to book you fifteen hours on the holodeck and thirty hours in a shuttle this week. And there's something else..."

"What?" Tom asked eagerly, overwhelmed that he'd received so much already. 

"Well, Ensign Hargreeves has scheduled Thursday and Friday as her days off and I was working the schedule, finding that I could really use another pilot to cover her shift. You want the job?"

"Yeah!" Tom exclaimed, eyes brightened considerably, "You mean pilot *Voyager*!?!?" Chakotay nodded and Tom's mouth dropped, "Yes!!! Kotay, I would love to! I can't believe... you're serious, right?"

"Totally." Chakotay smiled.

"Wow, I would love to!" Tom beamed. 

"Well, that's that sorted." Chakotay sighed and stood up, "What's say we head back to the holodeck and pick allstar teams? I'm betting mine will beat yours."

"No chance, Kotay." Tom grinned and stood up, following his bestest friend to the holodeck.


	13. Child's Play part 21

Sorry for the *incredibly* slow update guys, but I've been in hospital for the past few weeks after an extremely embarrassing incident involving a stage light and my head. Anyway, here's the finale of Child's Play. It's been divided into two parts to accommodate the C/P and non-C/P readers- seen as I've been given so many different views about the eventual pairing. This first part doesn't contain any C/P whatsoever, the second part has mild C/P- nothing above a PG-13 rating and only implied m/m. But, hey, it's cute. Part two will be up later tonight or early tomorrow morning- just two more paragraphs to patch.  
  
A huge thanks goes to everyone who helped with this fic- to Joey for inspiring, to the reviewers and to my beta readers- Leigh (Dazed & Confused), Lavender and Hannah (Pretend Daisy). And to Dr. Tobias for lending me his laptop.  
  
  
  
Tom heard someone enter the room and spun around, hiding his screen. He saw that the person was Chakotay and relaxed a little, still hiding the screen. "What are you doing here, Kotay?" He asked brightly, plastering his biggest smile on his face.  
  
Chakotay walked into their quarters saying, "I *do* live here too, Tom." He paused and sat next to Tom. Then he casually asked, "So how many encryption codes have you broken through so far?"  
  
Tom painted a look of innocence, which didn't fool Chakotay for a second, across his face, "I don't know what you're talking about, Kotay."  
  
Chakotay looked down at Tom and said softly, "The Captain's not stupid you know, and neither am I for that matter. She put alarms on those codes. Once you break through one, she's alerted and we can be here before you have chance to break through the next two."  
  
Tom sighed, shutting his computer screen, "And I guess you're the result of Captain Janeway being alerted?"  
  
"Kind of." Chakotay met Tom's blue eyes, "I know that you want to know things about your life, Tom, but there's a reason we won't let you into your files. They're not all that detailed and you may get the wrong idea about some things from there not being enough information. I don't want you to have to go through anymore than you are already."  
  
Tom sighed, and then said, miserably, "But it's so horrible, Kotay, not knowing stuff about my own life."  
  
"I can imagine that it *is* horrible, Tom. And I'm sorry, but I don't have the authority to let you in, even if I wanted to. Captain Janeway's only doing what she thinks is best for you."  
  
"And you agree with her?"  
  
"Yes. You know I only do what I feel is best for you."  
  
Tom sighed, "Then I suppose it's probably best for me then." He lifted his laptop off his knee and put it on the table, asking, "How long to go until I'm back to normal?"  
  
"Under four months." Chakotay whispered reassuringly.  
  
"You make it sound as if it's only a short amount of time." He sighed again.  
  
Chakotay smiled and hugged Tom, making the teenager laugh incredulously. He whispered, "It'll fly by."  
  
*** "Tom! Tom, this is NOT funny! TOM! STOP!"  
  
"Chakotay?" Chakotay stopped running and turned to Kathryn, panting for breath. She raised an eyebrow, "Problem?"  
  
"Just a small one involving MATURITY!!!" Chakotay yelled down the corridor and heard a laugh coming in reply from around the corner.  
  
Kathryn frowned at the Commander, who was apparently talking to nobody, and the bodiless giggling coming from down the empty corridor. "Care to elaborate?" She said softly.  
  
"We had a diminutive discrepancy relating to roller blades, darting around the decks and being seventeen. I informed Tom that he couldn't skate anymore because, surely, he must have grown out of it. However, he decided to skate around the deck even though I told him numerous times it was against regulations." Chakotay realized that no amount of big words would make it sound better, "Then there was the small matter of bets and running and skating and blackmailing."  
  
Kathryn just looked at him incredulously, "Whatever you do in your free time, Commander." and she walked off.  
  
Chakotay smiled sweetly and watched Kathryn round the corner. As soon as he was sure she was out of sight and earshot, he dove in the opposite direction, yelling, "TOM! How many times? You're not allowed to blade around the-"  
  
Chakotay crashed straight into Tom who fell to the floor, and they both collapsed into fits of giggles. Tom cuffed Chakotay lightly, "Kotay, I'll never be able to get up now!"  
  
Chakotay laughed, "You are SUCH a kid, Tom Paris! Honestly, I never had this much trouble even when you were a toddler."  
  
"What? You kept me tied up?" Tom asked teasingly, wobbling to his feet.  
  
"No, you were quite content playing with your fairies in the holodeck."  
  
"Don't even remind me." Tom cringed, "Well maybe I'm just experiencing a second, no third, um. another childhood. Gods, this is weird."  
  
"It's weird for me too you know."  
  
"Yeah, but not as bad as it is for me. This really HAS felt like seventeen years even though it's only been, what, four months?"  
  
"Mmm. I'm glad you're happy though." Chakotay walked next to Tom, who was slowly gliding from foot to foot, "Want to go and play with the flying dragons then?"  
  
Tom rolled his eyes, grinned cheekily and darted off down the corridors.  
  
*** Tom entered the Mess Hall, having to resort to dinner in there since his rations were seriously depleted. Wondering where Neelix was, he grabbed a plate of the most edible substance there. Then, frowning and thinking for a second, he looked behind the counter and spotted them. He'd found Neelix's secret store of cookies when he was about seven and he'd raided the stash ever since. They were one of the few things Neelix could make which tasted actually really nice. He grabbed a few of the chocolate chip snacks and added them to his tray. Looking around for somewhere to sit Tom spotted Chakotay at a table in the corner and headed over. "Hey, Kotay."  
  
"Hi." Chakotay moved his tray back so Tom's could fit on, "Since when did you start getting preferential treatment in the dessert department?" he raised an eyebrow, which told Tom he'd been watching him.  
  
"Since Neelix started feeling sorry for me and leaving them there. I used to think I was really clever in finding them, and found it strangely incredibly funny that Neelix would probably spend hours looking for them. But I eventually realised that it was all a set-up from day one. Want one?" he offered, shrugging.  
  
"No, thanks."  
  
"You're missing out, Kotay." Tom shrugged, took a mouthful of his dinner and then looked up at Chakotay, "Aren't you on shift?"  
  
"Believe it or not, I'm allowed a lunch break."  
  
Tom laughed softly and picked at the fluorescent substance, "I wanted to ask you something."  
  
"Go on."  
  
"Do you want me to move back to my old quarters? I mean, you can't sleep on the couch anymore, it's not fair."  
  
Chakotay sipped his tea, "Do you WANT to move out?"  
  
"Well, not really, but-"  
  
"Chakotay smiled, "Then stay. Until your memories have finished coming back."  
  
"Then at least let me take the couch."  
  
"I'll be fine on the couch, we've become accustomed to each other, it's practically the same size as a single bed anyway. Besides, it'd take forever for me to get all your stuff out of my room. Spirits know what you keep in there."  
  
"I'm not one for tidiness; y'know a rebelling against, um, my first upbringing. Are you sure you don't mind?"  
  
"Positive. And don't keep on asking me; if I change my mind I'll let you know."  
  
Tom smiled, "Thanks." Then he frowned, "Hey, Kotay, why didn't you just replicate another bed? You could've used the larger item standard replicators in engineering."  
  
Chakotay raised an eyebrow, "I was looking after a holodeck and chocolate obsessed toddler and myself and I'm supposed to be able to afford a bed?"  
  
"Aw, I'm sorry." Tom nibbled at a cookie, "You know something, Kotay? You're the best.  
  
*** Tom walked into the resort and spotted Chakotay lying on the sand. He headed over to him, grabbing a glass of lemonade from the bar on his way there, "Kotay? Can I ask you something?"  
  
***  
  
I looked up to see Tom walk up to me and settle on the sand. I knocked my sunshades back down over my eyes and sat up, saying, "Sure. Ask away."  
  
"You know tonight?"  
  
I sighed; this was going to be a big one. I knew Tom very well by now; he would drag out asking a big question out as long as he could, afraid of getting the answer that wasn't desired. "Yes, Tom."  
  
"You know how we usually go to the observation lounge?" I nodded, and Tom took a deep breath, "Well, there's a party at Sandrine's, and I was thinking maybe we could go to that instead."  
  
I took a deep breath. Any other night, any other week, I wouldn't have had a problem with it. But *tonight*. "Tom, tonight's not so good. I don't think you should go out tonight, we should probably just relax tonight."  
  
"Why?"  
  
Gods, I couldn't tell him that. He'd have to find this out for himself. I wouldn't be able to explain it right. "I can't tell you, Tom. I just think you'd be better off without a huge crowd tonight."  
  
"But, I don't see why. I love Sandrine's. You can come you know, in fact I love it when you come too."  
  
He didn't get it. "I know, Tom, and I'm not stopping you going, I'm just telling you what I think."  
  
Tom frowned at me, "You just don't want anyone else to be with me. Gods, Kotay, it's only one week and I am an adult now in case you hadn't noticed." He paused, obviously warring with the desire to be a rebellious twenty-something and the reluctance to hurt me. Eventually he said, so quietly that I could tell he was uncertain, "I'm going."  
  
"Tom-"  
  
He suddenly stood up and glared at me, "No. I'm going, Chakotay."  
  
He stormed out, leaving me shocked and hurt. It wasn't the fact that Tom had just got mad and stomped out of the resort, it was what he had called me- Chakotay. He'd always called me Kotay. Ever since I first met this Tom Paris it had been nothing but Kotay. I found it incredibly weird that being called by my name could hurt so much. I did understand Tom's thought process though; he simply didn't know what was coming. I sighed and lay back, thinking that Tom would find out soon enough.  
  
And I'd still be there for him.  
  
*** Tom laughed and downed the last of his beer. This holo-Sandrine's was so much like the real thing back in Marseilles. Well, apparently he'd created it so it came as no surprise everything was how he liked. He walked around the pool table and teased Harry while leaning on his cue. He'd found himself to be pretty good at pool, even though his old way of using his hands was still a whole lot easier.  
  
He finished off his turn, missing potting the six ball by mere millimetres, and checked his watch. Five minutes to midnight. He looked around and sighed, he was surprised Chakotay hadn't turned up. Tom felt bad for getting mad earlier. He knew Chakotay wasn't selfish, he just couldn't figure out why Chakotay didn't want him to go to the party. Tom knew Chakotay was usually right about these things, but there couldn't be anything about to go wrong in his life. It was all going so well. He was excelling at the Academy, mostly without his father's help, and he was on the ski team with all his best friends. Yeah, at the moment, both his lives were going great.  
  
Tom watched Harry almost clean up the table and step aside to allow Tom his shot. Tom stood over the table, aimed, pulled his cue back and froze. His heart stopped and he stared straight forward, past the green of the table to the yellows and whites of the explosion that killed his three best friends. He looked up slowly, "Oh, shit." He breathed.  
  
Harry looked towards the young pilot who was looking very pale, "Tom? Are you okay?"  
  
Tom blinked the tears from out of his eyes and offered Harry a very fake smile, "I-I'm sorry, Haz, I gotta go. I-I'll see you later." Tom darted out of Sandrine's, tears now falling liberally down his cheeks.  
  
Tom knew where he'd find his best friend and he instinctively ran for the observation lounge. He hated himself for not listening to Chakotay. Chakotay had known something bad was going to happen, why hadn't he taken any notice?  
  
The pilot burst through the door and saw Chakotay sitting on the couch, looking straight across the room at him. Tom batted at his tears and ordered a privacy lock. Chakotay was looking at him expectedly with a sympathetic, understanding smile. As Tom knew would be true, there was absolutely no trace of a condescending 'I told you so' look on the Commander's face.  
  
Tom began to speak shakily, "Kotay, I'm so, so sorry. I should have listened to you. You're always right about these things. I'm sorry." He paused, unable to speak coherently anymore. All that was running through his mind now was the sight of that explosion. The last words of his best friends. The dazed lies he told. All he could think of was the fact that they were dead, and that was all his fault. "I killed them, Kotay." He sobbed.  
  
Chakotay stood up and silently moved towards Tom, wrapping his arms comfortingly around the pilot. Tom felt the warm embrace and knew that he didn't deserve something so affectionate. He didn't deserve something so kind, not him, not a *murderer*. At that thought Tom finally let loose, crying into the his best friend's chest, mourning his loss for the second time.  
  
Chakotay carded his fingers through Tom's soft blonde hair and whispered soothingly to him, attempting to quiet the broken man. Keeping his arms tight around the pilot, he led Tom to the couch and cuddled up with him, gently cradling the young man in his arms. Chakotay sighed heavily. Whenever something threatened Tom like this, the pilot always reverted back to his affectionate, needy toddler state- needing the physical comfort to reassure him that he was cared about.  
  
Chakotay felt Tom burying into the safety of their embrace and could hear him snuffling for comfort. The Commander extended his hand a little and traced a finger over the back of Tom's pale hand, whispering softly, "It wasn't your fault, Tom, you know it wasn't."  
  
Shaking his head violently, Tom stammered, "B-but it *was*, Kotay, I shouldn't have."  
  
Before Tom could spiral into depression, Chakotay interrupted him with a soothing, "Tom, it was a mistake, okay?"  
  
"I didn't even tell the truth about it!" Tom protested, "I should have told them, Kotay, not blamed it on someone else. I was just so. so confused, and, they're *dead*, Kotay! I didn't know what to do, I was so scared."  
  
"Anyone would be." Chakotay rocked Tom gently and sighed, "You do tell the truth, Tom. Eventually you go back and tell the real story. What's the last thing you remember?"  
  
Tom laid his head on Chakotay's shoulder, still craving comfort, "I've just been assigned to the USS Copernicus."  
  
"You're not too far away from it. From what I remember you were only on the Copernicus a few months before you go back and tell the truth. No-one blames you."  
  
"No one *blames* me? I killed three people and no one blames me? That's screwed."  
  
"Tom! You did *not* kill those people! You made a pilot error which ended in disaster but you didn't do it on purpose, so it therefore wasn't your fault."  
  
Tom tried to pull himself closer into Chakotay, to crawl into the man's skin, "I'm sorry, Kotay. I was horrible to you. Jeez, you've done nothing but be good to me ever since I can remember and what do I do? I go and ignore you, when you're only looking out for me. Oh, Kotay, you must hate me."  
  
Chakotay turned Tom so he was looking straight into his eyes, "Don't you ever say that. Of course I don't hate you, Tom. There was no way you could have known about what you've remembered. Don't worry, I'm fine and we're fine. You've beaten yourself up over this once before, please try not to do it again."  
  
"I'll try, Kotay, I promise. But it's just such a huge shock."  
  
Chakotay felt Tom lean back into his arms and the pilot let out a huge sigh of relief. "Do you remember the first time we came in here?" Chakotay asked softly.  
  
"You'll have to jog my memory. I don't think I remember it. Um, I was staying with the Doc wasn't I?"  
  
"Uh-huh. You were about three and you escaped from him and decided to hurtle around Voyager at warp speed. Unfortunately you crashed into me. You informed me that you wanted to go and see the stars. So I brought you here, and you just sat for a good few hours staring at them. They seemed to comfort you."  
  
Tom smiled, glancing out of the window, "They do. It just seems so peaceful out there. And because everything's so vast, I find it kinda puts things into perspective. So is that when I came to stay with you?"  
  
"Almost. The next day you did. It was supposed to be just for one night, but here we are six months later."  
  
Tom laughed, "I always knew how to get my own way." He paused, "So when do I meet you in my, um, other life?"  
  
"Soon."  
  
"Is that as much as I'm getting?"  
  
Chakotay laughed a little, "Yes."  
  
Tom smiled and snuggled again, "That's a relief really. I've had enough to cope with tonight. Jeez, I had a miserable life."  
  
Chakotay squeezed Tom reassuringly, "Just remember I'm here." He looked down at Tom, "Want to go home?"  
  
"Can we stay here for a while?"  
  
"Sure we can, Tom. Anything you need."  
  
Tom smiled and cuddled into Chakotay, feeling safe in his arms. He closed his eyes, but immediately snapped them open again. He *remembered*. He *remembered* being held in Chakotay's lap the first time he'd come here. He remembered snuggling into the giant, deciding to make friends with this one. Tom grinned and shook his head. Maybe he wasn't such a little kid anymore, but he still felt just as good when he was snuggled up with his bestest friend. 


	14. Child's Play part 22 and conclusion

Woah, this is *it* now. Mild slash warning for this one (I hate that. Having to ruin the ending). PG-13, nothing too bad. Oui. ca c'est.  
  
Oh, Joey, Tay's coming along just fine. I think I'm about ready to post to breaders, but I'm not sure yet- may be a little too cheesy to post straight away.  
  
***  
  
"I'm sorry, Tom."  
  
"It's okay."  
  
"But I should be there with you."  
  
"Kotay." Tom flipped onto his stomach on the bed, almost crushing the long forgotten fuzzy bunny on the way, "What are you going to do? Fly up to Voyager sans shuttle?"  
  
Chakotay smiled, "If I have to." Tom watched Chakotay turn around and talk to someone off-screen. He returned and said to Tom, "I have to go now, I'm wanted for a tour of the grounds." He said in a tone that Tom recognised as carefully concealed boredom.  
  
Tom grinned, "Sounds like fun."  
  
Chakotay returned Tom's sympathetic smile with a laughing one, "You go instead of me then." Chakotay looked back to the screen, "You know where you can contact me if you need to talk about anything don't you?"  
  
"Kotay, I'm not a little kid anymore, I'll be okay. There's not anything real bad that's going to happen is there?"  
  
Chakotay sighed and thought, "Nothing bad, I hope anyway. It'll be strange though, Tom." He took a deep breath, "I'll be home tomorrow morning."  
  
"Okay." Tom laughed softly, "Strange, huh? That makes a change from depressing. I'll see you tomorrow, Kotay."  
  
"See you. Take care, Tom."  
  
"Will do." Tom ended the transmission and closed his communicator. He rolled off the bed and headed to the lounge, looking around for something to do. Hmm, it did look strange without Chakotay being there. "Computer? Check availability of holodecks."  
  
"Next available slot is at 1100 tomorrow."  
  
Tom sighed, he really wanted to get some fly time in that night. Oh well, the next morning would do just as well, "Book it under my name." He chewed his lip and hopped from one foot to the other, thinking. He touched his Comm. badge, "Paris to Kim."  
  
"Kim here. How's things, Tom?"  
  
"I'm fine. Haz, you doing anything tonight?"  
  
"No, I'm free. Why?"  
  
"Want to meet up in Sandrine's later?"  
  
"Sure. See you at 1800?"  
  
"Yeah, I'll see you then."  
  
Tom checked the clock. He had an hour to kill. Dinner in the Mess Hall. He could catch up with Neelix and, considering the state of his rations, he'd probably *have* to grab something to eat there anyway. Tom walked out of his quarters and headed towards the Mess.  
  
"Hey Tom!"  
  
Tom turned around to see Naomi catching up with him. Inwardly he cringed, he was not in the mood for talking about kid stuff. It had been fine when he was that age, but he had long since outgrown Naomi's company. Tom put on his civil face and hoped that the girl was heading somewhere, anywhere, other than the Mess Hall. "Hi, Naomi. What are you up to?"  
  
"I'm heading home. I'm meeting Mom there." She glanced up at Tom, "Jeez, Tom, you're growing even faster than I am."  
  
Raising an eyebrow, Tom replied, "Well, yeah, Naomi, that's the whole deal with this me thing, remember?"  
  
"Yeah, but you're growing even faster than I would have thought. It was only a few weeks ago when you were really little." She shrugged and then asked, curiously, "Where's Commander Chakotay gone?"  
  
"He's gone on an away mission, he should be back tomorrow. Do you need him for something?"  
  
"No, just wondering."  
  
Tom reached the Mess Hall door and turned to Naomi, "This is my stop, Naomi. I'll catch you later."  
  
"Bye!"  
  
Tom watched Naomi skip off down the corridor, shook his head and entered the Mess Hall. He immediately saw Neelix fiddling around the kitchen area and smiled at the Talaxian, "Hey, Neelix, how's it going?"  
  
"Oh, hello, Tom." Neelix beamed at the blonde, "It's going just fine, thank you. How are you?  
  
Tom frowned, "I'm good."  
  
"You're just in time, I've made a chocolate cake."  
  
Tom smiled but raised a suspicious eyebrow, "No leola root?"  
  
"No. I learnt that you didn't like that a long time ago. Just regular chocolate cake I pulled from the ship's recipe database, you do still like chocolate don't you?"  
  
Tom smiled at the Talaxian, "Love the stuff. Thanks, Neelix." He took the chocolate cake and looked around for someone to sit with. Kathryn waved to him and he took a seat next to her, "Hi Kathy."  
  
She smiled, "Hi Tom. How are you?"  
  
"I'm fine." He paused and looked at Kathryn, "Do you have any idea why everyone seems to be asking me how I am?"  
  
Kathryn looked up, met Tom's eyes and eventually said, "No, no idea."  
  
Tom raised an eyebrow, "You took too long in answering. Come on, why?"  
  
Kathryn sighed, "Well, Chakotay's gone away for the night and we all know it's a Friday. I know *I'm* worried about you, Tom, are you going to be okay tonight?"  
  
Tom scooped up his cake, "Kotay's assured me that nothing bad is going to happen. I should be okay."  
  
"What are you going to do?" Kathryn sipped at her coffee."  
  
"Well, I'm gonna finish this, then I'm heading over to Sandrine's to play with Haz. Then I might turn in early and just see what happens." Tom smiled, "You can tell Kotay you've done your duty and I'm fine."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Please, it's so obvious Kotay told you to check up on me." He shook his head, "Where did you and he learn to lie? You really do suck at it."  
  
Kathryn raised an eyebrow and smiled, "You wait until you're officially part of my crew, Tom Paris; you'll be scrubbing plasma conduits until you take that back."  
  
Tom laughed, "You know I can't wait to start flying for real. Shuttles and Sims are boring when I think that I could be flying *Voyager* permanently. I also can't wait to get back to the normal me, whatever that was. It's definitely very strange having people know things about me that I don't have a clue about."  
  
"I bet it is." Kathryn smiled at the man, "You know, Tom, I think this is certainly doing you at least *some* good."  
  
"In what way?"  
  
Kathryn chose her words carefully, not wanting to reveal too much of Tom's life, "You're a lot happier now than you were before... and a lot less bitter."  
  
"I was bitter?" Tom asked, frowning.  
  
"Sort of."  
  
Tom shovelled up the last of his cake, licking the crumbs from around his mouth, deep in thought. "Do you think I'll go back to whoever I was before? I mean, the old me doesn't sound like much fun to be."  
  
"I think you'll keep the best qualities of both." She smiled at him and then looked down at his empty plate, "Where'd you get that cake?"  
  
Tom smiled mischievously, "A Captain should stick to coffee and leave the cake- did I mention it was double chocolate fudge cake?- to the abnormal pilot who's living a second life."  
  
***  
  
Tom pulled on his T-shirt and headed over to the replicator, "Tomato soup, hot, plain." He took the bowl that materialised, walked into the bedroom and clambered into his bed. Tom scooped up his soup and blew on it, eyeing the vid screen on the wall in front of him with an idea in mind. He looked around, no-one there to see him, "Computer access program Paris five alpha and play on vid screen in my quarters." He grinned to himself as chattering animated characters appeared on the screen.  
  
A few hours later Tom smiled to himself under the covers and frowned gleefully. Chakotay had been right; it was *incredibly* strange. But it was also very funny. Stoic, calm, disciplined *Chakotay* a Maquis ringleader? He giggled to himself yet again. He couldn't imagine Chakotay as a rebel, but it was all there in his memories. Chakotay had met him in Marseilles, asked him to pilot his Maquis ship and he'd agreed.  
  
Tom rolled over and sprawled across the mattress, thinking. Only he knew the real reason why he'd agreed to Chakotay's offer. Well. *hopefully* Chakotay didn't know. This other Tom Paris did have a point however. Now he looked at it from his new point of view- the Commander-Pilot point of view- Chakotay WAS pretty darn cute.  
  
But *damn* it!  
  
Now he couldn't even think of Chakotay without the memory of the very first dimpled Chakotay smile he'd ever seen. And now he lived with the Commander and he was his closest friend and they told each other absolutely *everything*. But how could he tell Chakotay this new revelation?  
  
He wouldn't, he *couldn't*, he'd wait and see what happened. Tom sighed. Chakotay had said they weren't particularly friends when this had happened to Tom, so maybe his feelings would just fade as time went by.  
  
Tom tried to shake the question niggling at the back of his head- What if he didn't want those feelings to fade?  
  
***  
  
I felt bad for leaving Tom. Especially since it was a Friday. I'd asked Kathryn to look out for him, but it wasn't the same. I knew what was going to happen that night; he was going to meet me. But I didn't know what he thought of me the first time. Tom was never as liberal with his feelings as he is now; his face wasn't quite as readable.  
  
So that's why I was even more apprehensive about going back to Voyager as I was about leaving Tom. What if Tom hated me? No. That couldn't be true yet. I knew for a fact that he was grateful for me saving him from becoming a drunken man who'd fallen from grace. He was thankful for the chance to fly again. I knew that the young Tom I'd brought into the Maquis was just looking for direction again, something he could live for, and someone to rely on him.  
  
But he had an instinctive resentment of all authority figures, or at least trepidation around them. So when I became his XO, he saw his chance. This wasn't Starfleet, this was the Maquis and he could be as impertinent as he liked and no one would do anything except check him. Tom extended his knowledge of boundaries in the Maquis. As a child he would know where those boundaries were and know not to pass them. As a young adult he learned how to stretch those boundaries, and my patience, to their very limits. He knew just what he could get away with, and knew I got frustrated when he didn't cross the line.  
  
So this was where I was uncertain: I knew Tom was grateful for his chance to fly, but he played me as much as he possibly could. So did he like me?  
  
Well, I'd soon find out.  
  
The next morning I rushed the goodbyes as much as I could without it seeming rude. Thanking the Ministers, thanking them for trade, thanking them for their good wishes on our journey home. Then I jumped into the shuttle, still waving at the over-friendly Ministers through the window of the shuttle. Muttering through my smile, I tell the ensign to lift off quickly before the smile froze permanently.  
  
I got back to Voyager at 0600 and I knew that Tom wouldn't be awake. He wasn't a morning person anymore; it seemed he was making up for lost time. I walked back to our quarters hoping he'd have caught at least SOME sleep. Only the Spirits knew what ridiculous time he'd been out to last night. Strangely I missed being dragged along on one of his wild nights. He'd always want me to come along and, for all my first officer pretence; I'd end up having the time of my life. Of course I'd pay for it the next day, hung over and trying not to fall asleep on the Bridge.  
  
I entered our quarters and, sure enough, I found the lights out, the place quiet and Tom sleeping soundly in the bed. I yawned and went to curl up on the sofa, try to catch a few hours sleep before.  
  
"Kotay! You're back! How long have you been home? Why didn't you wake me up? Was it good? Did you bring me anything?" Tom said with his old toddler eagerness that would still sometimes come to the fold.  
  
I smiled, "Two hours, because I figured you hadn't had much sleep anyway, it was pretty boring and yes, I brought you something." I said tossing him a vid clip.  
  
Tom caught it and smiled, "Thanks, Kotay. What is it?"  
  
"Their version of cartoons."  
  
Tom settled next to me and said, making an effort to appear mature and serious, "I've grown out of cartoons."  
  
I raised an eyebrow and nodded towards the bedroom, whispering, "Tom, your vid screen's still active."  
  
Tom turned to look at the paused vid screen just visible through the bedroom door and laughed softly, "How did that get there?"  
  
"I wonder." I swung a friendly arm around Tom's shoulders and waited until he relaxed his head on my shoulder before asking, "So.are you okay with everything that happened last night?"  
  
Tom looked up with a cheeky glint in his sapphire eyes and exclaimed "You turned renegade, Kotay!!! I thought you were the good, stoic Commander, but you're really a rebel!!!"  
  
"You became a rebel too, Tom, or have you conveniently forgotten that part?" Tom laughed and I glanced at him sincerely, "So are we okay?"  
  
"We're okay, Kotay." Tom replied, "Why wouldn't we be?"  
  
"Just checking." I said softly, "Where are you up to in your memories?"  
  
"I've just joined the Maquis."  
  
"Just another few weeks to go now, and nothing too dramatic left I think." I reassured him. "Are you hungry?" Tom nodded and I sighed, "I take it you spent all your rations last night?"  
  
"Maybe."  
  
I laughed, stood up and headed towards the replicator.  
  
***  
  
  
  
"Your life is mi-ine!!"  
  
Chakotay groaned and buried his head under a cushion, trying to avoid Tom's chants. He felt a presence lie down by his side on the couch and the cushion was lifted from his head. Chakotay looked up to see Tom's grinning face and mischievous sparkling eyes. Tom paused long enough for Chakotay to become curious as to what he was going to say, and then he leaned down and whispered in Chakotay's ear, "Your life is mine."  
  
Chakotay groaned again, snatched the cushion off Tom and hit him playfully with it, "Shut UP Tom."  
  
Tom laughed, "You belong to me Kotay. I saved your life. It's mine."  
  
Chakotay sat up and faced Tom, deciding to just play along, "So now you've got my life, what are you going to do with it?"  
  
Tom looked into Chakotay's gentle brown eyes and felt his heart stop. He snaked his tongue out a little and traced the outline of his lips, moistening them, wondering why they had suddenly dried up. Tom swallowed, making a decision. He leaned over to Chakotay and lifted his right hand, caressing the older man's cheek. Slowly, Tom leaned over to Chakotay and touched his lips against the soft, velvet ones of the Commander. He felt Chakotay's lips part slowly and Tom hesitantly slid his tongue into the welcoming mouth. Tom lined the inside of Chakotay's mouth, feeling the smoothness of each inside cheek. He ran his tongue over every strong white tooth and moved back to tango with Chakotay's playful tongue. Their tongues wound around each other as Tom's hand continued to caress Chakotay's cheek.  
  
Chakotay was overwhelmed with the sensations of Tom's skilled mouth and wrapped his arms around the young pilot. Despite his wish that their locked embrace could last forever, Chakotay was short of breath and he pulled away. Sense came flooding back to him and he looked up at Tom. Tom's eyes were apprehensive and he seemed to be waiting for Chakotay to pronounce judgment. Chakotay sighed, "Tom?" he asked softly, "What was that?"  
  
"I- Kotay, I've always wanted to do that. Ever since back in the Maquis." He sighed, "I'm sorry. It must have been weird. Oh, shit. Can we just pretend it didn't happen?"  
  
Chakotay hugged Tom to him, "If you want, but I'd rather we didn't." Tom looked up at Chakotay, frowning, "Tom, I've wanted this too."  
  
"Really? You're kidding! You mean."  
  
"I mean I'm infatuated by you. Clear enough?"  
  
Tom laughed softly in disbelief, "Clear. Kotay, could I, I mean would you, can I buy you dinner someday?"  
  
Chakotay chuckled, "I think you owe me about a hundred of them."  
  
"Well then, I can organise a mean date."  
  
Chakotay found Tom's hand and held it gently, stroking the palm, "Tom, I don't think we should do anything until you're back to normal. I don't think I could cope if you turned around and said you didn't want me anymore."  
  
"I always will, Kotay. Me and you are forever no matter what our boundaries are, I've grown up with you."  
  
Chakotay frowned at the last statement and asked, "Are you sure none of this is paternal?"  
  
"Hell, no." Tom grinned, "Both of me have been waiting to do that for a while. Can't we just start a relationship now, Kotay? We're already closer than anything."  
  
"I know we are, but I don't want to take any risks." Chakotay rubbed his cheek against Tom's, "It's only a few weeks now, honey."  
  
"It'll feel like forever though, Kotay." Tom turned around and snuggled into Chakotay's chest.  
  
"I know. But we'll be together all the time yeah?"  
  
"Yeah." Tom paused, "You called me honey."  
  
"I know."  
  
"Problem with that?"  
  
Tom simply sighed and whispered, "Kotay? I love you."  
  
"I love you too, Tom."  
  
*** The next few weeks were the slowest of Chakotay's life. He found it hard enough to ignore his own feelings, but Tom seemed to find it harder to ignore his. Chakotay constantly found Tom cuddling up to him and he would find it incredibly difficult to limit his actions.  
  
Tom, meanwhile, didn't care for his former feelings for Chakotay. As he remembered their fights, he also remembered his increasing lust for the Commander and decided to stay with that feeling. He was accepted back into his position as helmsman and he loved it. Not only did flying liberate him, he could also sit on the Bridge all day and grin at the feel of Chakotay's eyes on his back. Now Tom was counting down the days until he regained his last memory and he could be with Chakotay. What he wasn't counting on was Chakotay's conversation with him the night before.  
  
"Hey, Kotay." Tom said, pulling his tray back so Chakotay could sit down.  
  
"Hi. How are things?"  
  
"Okay. I've been working on a new holodeck program with Haz and Lana. We're creating an improved resort, something way more tropical."  
  
"I have a question: will we have the same nicknames forever? Will I be Kotay and will Haz, Lana and Kathy never develop their full names?"  
  
Tom thought for a second, "Maybe you and Kathy can be Captain and Commander on the bridge but, other than that," he shrugged and smiled broadly, "you're gonna have my toddler nicknames forever. Once I decide I like something it stays with me forever."  
  
Chakotay smiled widely at the double meaning and then said, softly, "Tom, I've just come from talking to Captain Janeway, she wants to throw a party in the Mess tomorrow night. Well she phrased it as 'a gathering of special friends'."  
  
"She has a way with words doesn't she?" Tom said downheartedly, "I wanted tomorrow to be just me and you, Cha."  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
Tom smiled to reassure Chakotay it wasn't his fault, "So, who's coming?"  
  
"It'll be me, you, Harry, B'Elanna, and, of course, the Captain."  
  
"Not a very big party. Why, exactly, are we having this again?"  
  
Chakotay shrugged, "You know Kathryn, any excuse for a gossip. Are you okay with this? I can always cancel if you're really not alright with it."  
  
"No, I'll be fine, don't worry. I owe them all this anyway. You've all been there for me, the least I can do is show you all a good time."  
  
Chakotay laughed, "Gods, Tom, I love you."  
  
Tom beamed widely, showing every single sparkling tooth, "Ditto, Kotay."  
  
***  
  
Tom sat in the observation lounge with Harry, laughing at stupid little things and planning out their next holodeck adventure. Harry looked up, "So what time are the others supposed to be down here?"  
  
"Their shift finishes at 2200." Tom paused, "Look, Haz, I want to thank you for everything you've done for me."  
  
"No problem, Tom."  
  
"Can I ask you one more favour?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"I don't know what's going to happen to me tonight, I may not remember any of this- I don't know. But, if I do forget everything Haz, remind me what happened between me and Kotay."  
  
Harry sighed, "You really do love him don't you?"  
  
"More than anything, Haz. And it's damned scary. B-but he means everything to me Haz, we've grown closer than I could ever imagine. Don't let me forget him, don't let us go back to Lieutenant and Commander. I know *he* won't say anything to me; he's too damn moralistic. I'm counting on you, Haz."  
  
"Don't worry, I'll tell you, Tom."  
  
"Thanks, Haz."  
  
***  
  
"Four minutes!"  
  
"Harry, it's not New Years." Tom laughed.  
  
Harry nodded, "It's more like one of those old movies you've got me into."  
  
"Mmm. I'm about to transform into some sort of morphed, insane and evil monster." Tom laughed happily.  
  
B'Elanna looked between them incredulously, and blinked, "You're both crazy."  
  
Kathryn moved her gaze from the three laughing officers to Chakotay. She smiled, "You're paling, Chakotay, what's wrong?"  
  
Chakotay looked up, chewing his lower lip nervously, "What if he doesn't remember everything that's happened? I couldn't cope, Kathryn. Not after all that's gone on."  
  
She leaned forward, keeping their conversation private. "Chakotay, I know you've been watching him as much as I have tonight. From all those affectionate glances he's been giving you, I'd say it'd be pretty hard for Tom to forget what has happened. Besides, there'd be no sense in the punishment if he forgot everything; he's supposed to learn from this."  
  
"Somehow I doubt he's learned much," Chakotay said miserably.  
  
Kathryn frowned, "Will you cheer up? You of all people KNOW full well Tom's a different man. I admit it's hard to put a finger on what's changed in him, but he's definitely learned something. Heavens, Chakotay, don't you realise? That man worships the ground you walk on; Lieutenant Thomas Eugene Paris is head over heels in love with *you*. And I think you feel the same, you know that you would do anything for my helmsman."  
  
Chakotay sighed and nodded, "You're right, Kathryn about everything. as usual"  
  
"And YOU'RE supposed to be the ship's counselor, Chakotay."  
  
Chakotay smiled, "I think you missed your calling, Kathryn."  
  
"Captain? Commander?" came Harry's voice from across the room, "I-I think something's happening to Tom."  
  
Chakotay turned around to see Tom sitting on a chair with his eyes closed and his head in his hands. "Tom?" he asked nervously.  
  
Tom looked up and straight into Chakotay's eyes for a few seconds, giving the older man an unreadable look while searching his soul. Then he switched his gaze to a wider one and looked at everybody, "Oh, Gods, all this because I LAUGHED? A little harsh don't you think?" Tom looked down at his hands for a few seconds. He glanced back up and smiled cautiously, "Thanks so much guys. You've all been fantastic."  
  
Tom stood up and was immediately hugged by B'Elanna, "So what do you remember?"  
  
"Everything." He let go of B'Elanna and faced them all, "But it's different. Before, my old life was just a memory that was coming back to me- it didn't seem real. But now it's the other way around. My second life seems simply like a memory- a really great memory though."  
  
"Oh, it was real Tom." Kathryn smiled, "We heard the screaming from Sick Bay."  
  
Tom laughed, "What are you talking about? I was a complete angel! Or at least I was after Chakotay. where is Chakotay?"  
  
Harry turned and searched the room, looking back and shrugging, "He's gone. He was here a second ago."  
  
"Oh, great. Now I've turned back into the old me, he couldn't give a damn." Tom whispered miserably.  
  
Kathryn put a hand on Tom's shoulder, saying softly, "I don't know where Chakotay has gone, Tom, or why he's gone there, but I do know that he loves you. He won't have given up on you, go find out why he's not here."  
  
Tom raised his eyebrows hopefully, "You think he still likes me?"  
  
B'Elanna rolled her eyes, "We could power the warp core for fifty years with the heat in Chakotay's eyes when he looks at you!"  
  
"Really? You think."  
  
"Tom, GO!!!"  
  
***  
  
Chakotay sat in the observation lounge staring blankly out of the window, desperately missing the comfort and warmth of Tom next to him. After Tom had regained his memories and looked up at him, Chakotay had seen embarrassment in the pilot's eyes. He'd decided to give Tom some space- make everything less awkward.  
  
Tom came through the observation lounge doors after having easily guessed where Chakotay would have headed. He saw Chakotay sitting with his back to him on a couch and he hovered in the door for a second. "Kotay?" he asked softly and hesitantly.  
  
"Tom." Chakotay said flatly without even turning around, not wanting to have this discussion. Couldn't they just forget it ever happened?  
  
Tom sighed and his shoulders sagged. "Don't be like that, Kotay." He said, scrambling over to stand in front of the Commander. His heart was pounding with the sudden realisation that Chakotay might not want this anymore. "Kotay, why'd you go?" He asked nervously, wringing his hands.  
  
Chakotay shrugged, "Just did."  
  
Tom frowned and subconsciously folded his arms, "That's not good enough."  
  
Chakotay looked up and couldn't help but let a small smile spread across his face, "Did you get that off me or your father?"  
  
Tom glanced at his intimidating posture and looked back up at Chakotay, deciding to slip into the semi-consciously created role, "Don't change the subject. Why'd you leave me?"  
  
Chakotay sighed, he'd always been honest with Tom and he wasn't going to change that, "Um. Tom- the look in your eyes when you remembered tonight. I thought you didn't want me anymore. I thought you had remembered something that made every step we had taken void. I figured it would be easier on the both of us if I just left. "  
  
"Oh, Kotay." Tom sat down next to his Commander, "It wasn't rejection. far from it. It was relief. I was so scared that I'd remember something terrible that would stop us being together. And then I didn't and I was so happy and then. you left." Tom wrung his hands in his lap even more "And now I'm scared because I think for some unknown reason *you* don't want to be with *me*." Tom looked up with pure, unadulterated hope in his eyes, "Care to prove me wrong?"  
  
Chakotay took Tom's hands and held them gently in his own, "You're very wrong, honey. I do want to be with you, but there is one thing bugging me. You should know me by now- I don't do flings. Tom, if we did this, I want a relationship. I want love, support, sharing, conversation and life together. I love you and I don't think I could let you go."  
  
Tom smiled and clambered into Chakotay's arms, "I love you too, Kotay and I want all that too and, um, if you want commitment- hell I already live with you, don't I?" Tom sighed and kissed Chakotay's hands, nuzzling his cheek against the skin, "Thanks for everything, by the way. You didn't have to do any of it and I kinda wonder why you did. I *know* I was hell as a child, why did you choose to watch me, Kotay? "  
  
Chakotay grinned and replied simply, "Because you were just as damned irresistible as a kid as you are now."  
  
Tom laughed and beamed, "So you'll stay with me?"  
  
Chakotay leaned in and touched his lips to Tom's, teasing the pilot into opening up for him. He broke away for a second, leaning their foreheads together "This answer enough for you?"  
  
Tom flashed his flyboy smirk, "I don't know. Do it again and I'll tell you."  
  
***  
  
I rolled over onto Kotay's chest feeling the man panting and his heart racing. I grinned; I'd done that to him. I'd made Chakotay feel that good. I rolled more onto my side, shifting the pain off my stinging ass. I'd been a physical virgin when Kotay had taken me and there had been some pain involved, but it was welcome, reassuring pain.  
  
I smiled and snuggled into Chakotay's chest, his arm coming around me. Kotay leant his mouth down to me, I felt his tongue map out the edge of my ear and I shuddered happily. He chewed and then kissed the lobe and whispered, "I love you."  
  
I grinned to myself, feeling so lucky that this had finally happened. Who'd have thought that I'd end up with anyone, let alone Chakotay? Shit, I'm in love. I've got my very own guardian angel. I kissed his chest, "Love you too, Kotay."  
  
He massaged my lower back gently, "Are you okay? Your ass sore?"  
  
I nodded a little, "Kinda. But I'm okay, it's a good hurt."  
  
Chakotay kissed my forehead and we snuggled for a while. I managed to latch onto Chakotay's neck and loved his moans of pleasure. Chakotay suddenly froze and I looked up in question as he pulled out something from under the pillow.  
  
I laughed and grabbed Bugs off Kotay, sitting him on the older man's chest, "I forgot all about him."  
  
"Poor Bugs. That's not very nice, Tom." Chakotay mock-scolded.  
  
I laughed, "I'm not eight years old anymore, Kotay."  
  
"I remember Bugs making an appearance when you were eleven."  
  
I tucked Bugs under Kotay's arm that wasn't wrapped around me, "If you're so obsessed with teddy bears, you can look after him."  
  
"Fine, I will." Chakotay said, grinning and stroking Bugs' head, "Won't you miss him?"  
  
This is probably the strangest conversation I've ever had with a grown man as a grown man. "No. I've got a new teddy bear to snuggle up to now." I cuddle up to Kotay again and close my eyes, "Night, Kotay."  
  
"Night, Tom."  
  
***  
  
So this is where everything has come to; fully-grown Lieutenant Tom Paris snuggled up to my chest, slowly dropping off to sleep. I stroke Tom's hair, wondering what's zooming through his mind right now, as he always goes quiet when he's thinking deeply. I ask soflty, "What's up, Tom? What are you thinking?"  
  
Tom looks up at me and smiles uncertainly, "It's scary, Kotay. I've never, ever felt like this. I feel so loved."  
  
"You ARE loved, honey. I love you."  
  
"I know, and I can tell with you. And it's totally different than anything else. People before, like my dad, they'd tell me they loved me and I just took it at face value. But now I understand it means a hell of a lot more and it's so much deeper and I know that my father sure as hell didn't love me, and neither has any of my partners. But YOU do, and I love you, too."  
  
I can feel my smile stretching widely across my face and I let my fingers run over his features, "You're so wonderful, Tom Paris."  
  
Tom grins and lets me bring him down into my arms, I feel complete like this- like Tom is some missing part of me. I look down after a while and see that the Lieutenant has drifted off to sleep. I notice that one of his hands is clutching Bugs and I smile gratefully at his innocence still being there. It's a welcome exchange for his bitterness.  
  
I sigh and allow sleep to overtake me, too. That night I only find myself dreaming of the rest of my life spent with Tom. 


End file.
